# I can speak cat. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 16, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853 "2003-09-16T00:41:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/21 "2003-09-16T22:48:03Z")
I was at work, gimmie a break 🙂 It’s not that not even that great of a story (and it’s long), but anyhoo… I bought the house last year, it’s out in the country, and it has a few acres, no near neighbours. There is plenty of local wildlife, rats, beavers, muskrats, giant ugly regular rats. One day I looked out and saw a black blob sitting by the entrance to the woods. I went outside, because I am nosey, and I need to know what the wildlife is doing. It was the cat, and he took off when he saw me. I saw him every few days after that, and the first day it snowed I felt badly for him, so I left out a bowl of food. He started coming by regularly after that. Well one day after I had put out the bowl of food I let out a rottie I was dog sitting. She didn’t know about the no-eating-the-grumpy-cat’s-food rule, (and rotties are pigs anyway) so she went over and starting scarfing out of the bowl. The black blob comes flying out of the woods before I can get the rottie out of the food, and just launches himself at the dog. The dog takes off with the cat wailing on her. I am standing there with the door open calling the dog (which was brilliant), she comes running in with the cat still going after her. I wasn’t quick enough closing the door, so the cat was in the house, the dog is running around the living room, with this absolutely enraged cat chasing her. The dog ended up knocking over the couch, the computer, and sent a counter full of drying dishes to the floor. The cat needed to go back outside, but there was no way I could touch it, so I ran off to get my broom, with the hope of hearding him out. Which was a total failure, the only thing I accomplished was the cat was now mad at me, and had forgotten the dog (who was trying to hide behind a chair). I had left the front door open; the house is set up so that the front hall is right beside the bathroom door. I wasn’t smart enough to close the bathroom door, and the cat eventually ended up in there, under the sink. Well, there was no way I was pulling that guy out. So he’s been there since. ---
**Author:** ![Papaveraceae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@Papaveraceae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Papaveraceae)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/22 "2003-09-16T23:22:23Z")
And now you have started the making friends process. Congratulations. You have been adopted. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/23 "2003-09-16T23:39:34Z")
Not that great of a story? That was hysterical! Congrats on your new kitty. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/24 "2003-09-17T01:30:18Z")
how long have you had your “guest”? Does he harass you when you try to use the john? And, where does _he_ go to the john? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/25 "2003-09-17T01:58:16Z")
That is too a great story! ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bee\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e480ec/32.png) [@Queen\_Bee\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bee_1)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/26 "2003-09-17T02:09:26Z")
> [@](#): > > And, where does he go to the john? That’s what I was going to ask! And just what the heck has this cat been eating? Q-tips? Half-used bottles of shampoo? (oops, that’s what’s under the cupboard in my bathroom). ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/27 "2003-09-17T02:11:36Z")
He has been living in there since early March I believe. I put a itter box under the sink for him, which he uses. Which I think is pretty neat, how does a wild cat know about using a litter box? But he has never gone anywhere but in it. Sometimes he hides in there, and if I pull it out when he’s in it, he freaks out. So I do a quick scan of the bathroom to make sure I know where he is. For my part, I try to use the toilet at work. ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/28 "2003-09-17T02:16:22Z")
I feed the guy **Queen Bee** 🙂 But he has been gathering up rolls of toilet paper, and shreddding them, sort of like a hamster does. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bee\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e480ec/32.png) [@Queen\_Bee\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bee_1)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/29 "2003-09-17T02:37:50Z")
perhaps what you’ve really got then is a feral hamster? ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/30 "2003-09-17T14:13:37Z")
Thanks for the story - and congrats on your kitty! ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/31 "2003-09-17T14:21:26Z")
Now, really, that was a story worth telling. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/32 "2003-09-17T15:39:20Z")
This is kind of like Stockholm Syndrome…where the person held hostage eventually becomes attached to his captor. Only in this case, the cat captor is the one staying put in one place while **Magayuk** is free to move around. And it’s been that way for 7 months. This could be the stage after exposition in a Steven Kingesque type novel…the cat commandant now sees you as more than an annoying presence, since you are able to communicate with it, and will now draw you into its freakish nightmare world of stygian solitude, since you now understand its language. Keep us posted. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/33 "2003-09-17T15:58:43Z")
And we’ll find out that the Dark Tower is just a really big scratching post. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/34 "2003-09-17T16:19:45Z")
Does he ever go outside any more? ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/35 "2003-09-17T17:10:08Z")
That was the funniest thing I think I have ever read. You have had a feral cat under the sink for nearly 7 months hissing at you. LOL I don’t think I will stop laughing for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/36 "2003-09-17T17:19:20Z")
Try giving it some cream or condensed milk, then meow or purr at it. This may sweeten its disposition towards you. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/37 "2003-09-17T18:33:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Try giving it some cream or condensed milk, then meow or purr at it. > > This may sweeten its disposition towards you. \*\* If you do, you had better hope that it decides it’s gonna keep on using the litter tray!\* Milk & Cream are bad for most cats that haven’t been brought up drinking it every day, it’s too rich for them and will give them really squitty bums! You could try watering down a little milk, that should be ok. Ham is a good bribe too. If you catch him looking at you, blink your eyes real slow at him. Staring directly at a cat is a sign of aggression, but if you blink at him you’re indicating that you’re not a threat you’re just interested. If he blinks back you’ve won! 😉 (\* He’s probably using the tray because cats like to scratch and bury their doings, he can scrabble around in the tray, but not so much on the floor of your bathroom, so it’d feel more natural for him to dig around in the tray.) That’s such a cool story, that’s made me all happy! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/38 "2003-09-17T20:59:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\*Does he ever go outside any more? \*\* No, awhile ago I tried leaving the window open in there, and poking him with a stick, and he wouldn’t leave. So I gave up. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/39 "2003-09-17T21:08:07Z")
Leave the doors open, both to the cupboard and to the bathroom. That way he can explore the rest of the house while you’re gone. If it’s been 7 months, he’s litter-box trained now. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853/40 "2003-09-17T21:59:28Z")
Oh my God, so the poor wee thing has been in one room for seven months?!? I recommend a leather jacket, gardening gloves, and a scarf wrapped round your head to get him out of there… (This is what I wear when I have to take Cookie to the vet.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-can-speak-cat/201853.md?page=3)