# I Can't Believe it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 4, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102 "2013-06-04T07:58:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/1 "2013-06-04T07:58:02Z")
Last night I awoke suddenly with uncontrollable intestinal spasms. I made an insane dash for the bathroom, but it was far too late. Before I took three steps my colon was emitting a jet of vile foulness all over the floor. I’m just thankful I was alone. However, I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone else, ever. Am I right? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_jeffrey_lebowski/32/215_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Jeffrey_Lebowski)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/2 "2013-06-04T08:12:36Z")
Jet of Vile Foulness was the name of my doo wop group. ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/3 "2013-06-04T08:28:51Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > Am I right? No. I’m certain it has happen to others before. It’s just now-a-days you can tweet about it. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/4 "2013-06-04T08:30:37Z")
Pretty normal. Chicks dig it, too. ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/5 "2013-06-04T08:33:32Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > Last night I awoke suddenly with uncontrollable intestinal spasms. > I made an insane dash for the bathroom, but it was far too late. Before I took three steps my colon was emitting a jet of vile foulness all over the floor. > > I’m just thankful I was alone. However, I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone else, ever. Am I right? Were you wearing pants? ---
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/6 "2013-06-04T08:43:10Z")
> [@spinky](#): > > Were you wearing pants? I tore my boxers off in bed; thinking it would save me valuable time mounting the porcelain god. Probably a mistake; but I was in a panic. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/7 "2013-06-04T09:32:01Z")
I had it happen from the opposite end one night. I woke bolt upright from a sound sleep knowing that I was about to vomit. I rushed for the bathroom and projectile vomited on the mirrored wardrobe right where it meets the wall. I then vomited into the corner of the bathroom door and door frame, so by the time I reached the toilet bowl it was all over. All over two doors, two walls and a door frame. All over the carpet and the tiles. The last thing I felt like doing was cleaning up but I managed to get the worst of it. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/8 "2013-06-04T09:45:22Z")
Norovirus has that effect, with bonus projectile vomiting. I ended up just sitting on the toilet with a basin in my lap to puke in. That was a good day. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/9 "2013-06-04T09:47:30Z")
Pics or it didn’t happen! ---
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/10 "2013-06-04T09:52:15Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I had it happen from the opposite end one night. I woke bolt upright from a sound sleep knowing that I was about to vomit. I rushed for the bathroom and projectile vomited on the mirrored wardrobe right where it meets the wall. I then vomited into the corner of the bathroom door and door frame, so by the time I reached the toilet bowl it was all over. > > All over two doors, two walls and a door frame. All over the carpet and the tiles. The last thing I felt like doing was cleaning up but I managed to get the worst of it. I feel for ya. I think the puking thing is perhaps even more uncomfortable as nothing is more agonizing than stomach nausea. But still more socially acceptable though don’t you think? ( I mean, we’ve most all been there.) But pulling both barrels of the chocolate shotgun all over the floor? How can I live that down? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/11 "2013-06-04T09:55:11Z")
Did you join this board just to tell us that? You sick freak.? ---
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/12 "2013-06-04T09:58:34Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Pics or it didn’t happen! naw it happened believe me. I don’t stroll around taking pics of me shitting myself. ---
**Author:** ![madrabbitwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@madrabbitwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madrabbitwoman)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/13 "2013-06-04T09:59:43Z")
I had a nasty Gastro recently. I spent 5 days in hospital. I got to come home and clean up all the poop n vomit I had left behind me. My mum loves me but she does not love me “that” much. ---
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/14 "2013-06-04T10:06:10Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Did you join this board just to tell us that? You sick freak.? Not just for that. But tbh, this place seemed like a good forum to admit my shame. I’m no troll. I hope to post many worthwhile posts here in the future. I felt compelled to get this issue off my soul (after cleaning up the physical mess.) ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/15 "2013-06-04T10:10:03Z")
Pretty sure that’s the first sign of ass cancer. ---
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/16 "2013-06-04T10:18:08Z")
> [@madrabbitwoman](#): > > I had a nasty Gastro recently. I spent 5 days in hospital. Five days. It must have been a serious condition. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/17 "2013-06-04T10:22:42Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](#): > > Jet of Vile Foulness was the name of my doo wop group. It was my druid’s favorite magic item. ---
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/18 "2013-06-04T10:23:34Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > Pretty sure that’s the first sign of ass cancer. I’m not so sure. I had a colonoscopy done last year. Everything checked out fine. ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/19 "2013-06-04T10:31:30Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > I’m not so sure. I had a colonoscopy done last year. Everything checked out fine. You’re right, I meant Alzheimer’s. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/20 "2013-06-04T11:39:06Z")
Hey, it’s your house - you can shit wherever you want. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102.md?page=2)