# I Can't Believe it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 4, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102 "2013-06-04T07:58:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/21 "2013-06-04T12:40:06Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Hey, it’s your house - you can shit wherever you want. I try to always keep that chore confined to the bathroom. I don’t know how things got so out of control. It’s embarrassing. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/22 "2013-06-04T12:44:42Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > Last night I awoke suddenly with uncontrollable intestinal spasms. > I made an insane dash for the bathroom, but it was far too late. Before I took three steps my colon was emitting a jet of vile foulness all over the floor. > > I’m just thankful I was alone. However, I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone else, ever. Am I right? Pffffffffffft. I’ve poured out a boat of ass gravy straight into the bed. In a hotel. Just before the housemaid knocked on the door. ---
**Author:** ![fudrucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fudrucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fudrucker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/23 "2013-06-04T12:59:20Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > Pffffffffffft. > > I’ve poured out a boat of ass gravy straight into the bed. > > In a hotel. > > Just before the housemaid knocked on the door. lol. Good grief, what did you do? ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/24 "2013-06-04T13:08:15Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > lol. Good grief, what did you do? Well, between bouts of shaking, sweating and gagging (you may have guessed I was not altogether a well person at this point), I was cringing, apologizing, and attempting to flee the scene. Mostly though, I was dying a million tiny deaths of embarrassment. Thank you for listening; it’s been cathartic 😛 ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/25 "2013-06-04T13:15:54Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Hey, it’s your house - you can shit wherever you want. Sung to the tune of “Its my party and I’ll cry if I want to” Its my house and I’ll shit if I want to Shit if I want to, Shit if I want to You’d shit too if it happened to you . . Insert various TMI refrains here . . Oh, its my house and shit if I want to Shit if I want to, shit if I want to You’d shit too if it happened to you Its my house and shit if I want to Shit if I want to ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/26 "2013-06-04T13:20:29Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > You’re right, I meant Alzheimer’s. Oh, yeah, I forgot you said that. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/27 "2013-06-04T13:36:26Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > It was my druid’s favorite magic item. +1 ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/28 "2013-06-04T13:46:23Z")
A +1 Jet of Vile Foulness? Frightening. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/29 "2013-06-04T13:51:25Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > Not just for that. But tbh, this place seemed like a good forum to admit my shame. I’m no troll. I hope to post many worthwhile posts here in the future. > > I felt compelled to get this issue off my soul (after cleaning up the physical mess.) Yes. Yes, it is. And please feel free to return to regale us with further tales of your bodily emissions. It’s riveting. No, really. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/30 "2013-06-04T13:51:42Z")
> [@Baron\_Greenback](#): > > Norovirus has that effect, with bonus projectile vomiting. I ended up just sitting on the toilet with a basin in my lap to puke in. That was a good day. I’ve had to do that before. Every spasm causes a stream from both ends simultaneously. Awful ☹ ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/31 "2013-06-04T13:53:20Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > Not just for that. But tbh, this place seemed like a good forum to admit my shame. I’m no troll. I hope to post many worthwhile posts here in the future. \ ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/32 "2013-06-04T13:54:20Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > lol. Good grief, what did you do? Grabbed his bellhop cap and jumped out the window. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/33 "2013-06-04T13:55:26Z")
This thread made me laugh so hard I peed myself a little ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/34 "2013-06-04T14:02:19Z")
This thread doesn’t make me laugh, it makes me want to sleep in the tub from now on as a precaution. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/35 "2013-06-04T14:07:37Z")
That’s the first sign of Alzheimer’s. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/36 "2013-06-04T14:11:57Z")
It happened to my sister when she had the mumps in the sixth grade. Not at school, she was already home sick in bed when things ramped up. Three steps is about right. It embarrassed her, but Mom was unphased. My other sister and I hadn’t know that such a thing was possible, but Mom had been a nurse, once. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/37 "2013-06-04T14:40:48Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > That’s the first sign of Alzheimer’s. Are you my son? Where am I? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/38 "2013-06-04T14:59:37Z")
> [@fudrucker](#): > > Last night I awoke suddenly with uncontrollable intestinal spasms. > I made an insane dash for the bathroom, but it was far too late. Before I took three steps my colon was emitting a jet of vile foulness all over the floor. So you ran to sign up on a new message board to tell everybody about it? ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/39 "2013-06-04T15:01:25Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Grabbed his bellhop cap and jumped out the window. No Mentos? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102/40 "2013-06-04T15:02:39Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > So you ran to sign up on a new message board to tell everybody about it? why not, good a place as any [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-believe-it/660102.md?page=3)