# I can't find these two traits in the same potential mate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 10, 2006, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842 "2006-02-10T10:25:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/1 "2006-02-10T10:25:04Z")
It seems very hard to find a potential mate who both: -Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit AND -Is a total homebody who isn’t constantly wanting to jet off to exotic lands and have a brand new spontaneous adventure every weekend and so forth What two criteria are the rest of you single dopers finding to be seemingly mutually exclusive? ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/2 "2006-02-10T11:29:15Z")
I haven’t yet found a mate who is intelligent enough for me to want to stay with them, and dumb enough for them to want to stay with me. (Insert 😛 or ☹ as appropriate) ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/3 "2006-02-10T11:44:50Z")
**Max** , I don’t see the problem. You described a reader, twice. Now all you need is someone who likes _little_ adventures, close to home. Someone who will watch the wildlife that scurries away when you turn over a stone in the garden. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/4 "2006-02-10T11:44:54Z")
Hey, Max, it took me 37 years to find somebody like you describe. It has turned out to be totally worth the wait. So I can understand your frustration. I don’t have any advice, though. Whether you find her or not seems to be a matter of luck. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/5 "2006-02-10T12:05:19Z")
**MaxTheVool** - what you want is a geek. Not a big geek, but someone who thinks that a day spent watching a good movie or reading a good book is just as rewarding as a day spent runing around the place looking for something new and exciting to do. Failing that, try dating older people than you currently go for, ones who have already gone through the “backpack the world” phase. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/6 "2006-02-10T14:12:48Z")
Skinny with huge natural tits. Found a few, mind you, but they always had some other qualities that compensated for their physical beauty. Actually, I think much of the problem may be with the one looking. There are so many wonderful, intelligent, beautiful people out there looking for a relationship also… I know every time I get wistful about relationship woes, I think about some of the very available (and wantable) people I already know and why I’ve already either decide no or decided not to decide and that gets out of that self pity mindset. Not a complaint or censure in re the OP, btw, just my own rambling observations… ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/7 "2006-02-10T16:07:56Z")
Hey, _I_ fit that description! But yeah, I can’t find another one of those either. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/8 "2006-02-10T16:20:32Z")
" -Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit" **check** -someone who, by default, thinks of other people before themselves **check** _does happy dance_ ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/9 "2006-02-10T16:39:35Z")
> [@](#): > > **Max the Vool** said: > -Is a total homebody who isn’t constantly wanting to jet off to exotic lands and have a brand new spontaneous adventure every weekend and so forth Does this mean, as my ex-boyfriend thought, ‘Never leaves the apartment unless absolutely necessary’? I can be a homebody, but he pushed it to the point of ridiculousness by not wanting to go _anywhere at all_ for months and months. It was’t that he wouldn’t go out with me, either. He absolutely refused to leave his apartment no matter who asked him to go somewhere. His roommate asks if he wants to go out for pizza? No. His friends invite him to a barbecue? No. All he wanted to do was sit there, like a lump, watching SG-1. I was more the ‘Hey goin out on a Saturday night once a month is a nice idea, and maybe y’know, a weekend road trip every couple months… camping perhaps?’ ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/10 "2006-02-10T16:43:45Z")
Total homebodies are hard to find. Unless you know where they live. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/11 "2006-02-10T16:56:06Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > It seems very hard to find a potential mate who both: > > -Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit > > AND > > -Is a total homebody who isn’t constantly wanting to jet off to exotic lands and have a brand new spontaneous adventure every weekend and so forth > > What two criteria are the rest of you single dopers finding to be seemingly mutually exclusive? Sorry, I’m already married. And my husband complains that I don’t want to go on a cruise this summer, or go camping, or to the beach…And he complains that I don’t enjoy watching JAG, or the latest sitcom. If anyone else wants to talk to me, I’ll be in my room, surfing and crocheting. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/12 "2006-02-10T17:02:42Z")
**Max** , I found one, but he’s male, he’s in Pennsylvania, and he’s mine. On the other hand, I didn’t find him until I was 39 and even so he tends to hide in the shadows. The trick to finding them is figure out what will lure them out of their homes and go to those things. I freely admit that when I moved back to town I went to science fiction conventions because I knew my kind of people would hang out there. It worked. Thanks to some people I met at one, I also took to going to Mensa events, which is where I met the above-mentioned gentleman. It may sound hopelessly geeky, but then again, I _am_ hopelessly geeky, so it fits. 😃 CJ ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/13 "2006-02-10T17:05:16Z")
I can’t see why anyone would want the second thing. To me it would be more palatable if it read: - wants to jet off to exotic lands and have a brand new spontaneous adventure every weekend, but will either take me along, or accepts how pleasant it can sometimes be to just sit on the couch. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/14 "2006-02-10T17:06:27Z")
I’m those things, Max (uh…how YOU doin’?) but I’ve come to find that there’s always a third, unmentioned quality that guys are looking for… - Needs to be smokin’ hot! meh. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/15 "2006-02-10T17:44:04Z")
_sigh_ Complaints, complaints, that’s all I get nowadays… _mopes off, arrows in hand_ ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/16 "2006-02-10T18:03:12Z")
I can’t find a girl that is both a internationally famous super model and will give me the time of day. Becasue I really need to know what time it is. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/17 "2006-02-10T18:13:46Z")
So far I’ve been unable to find a man who is both very, very wealthy, and completely mute. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/18 "2006-02-10T18:21:40Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > It seems very hard to find a potential mate who both: > -Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit > > AND > > -Is a total homebody who isn’t constantly wanting to jet off to exotic lands and have a brand new spontaneous adventure every weekend and so forth Too late, I’m already taken. What I couldn’t find was someone who was responsible/conscientious/financially stable… AND not an insanely jealous, tightass, complete control freak. So I married the one who I had the most _other_ things in common with. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/19 "2006-02-10T18:31:04Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I-Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit Mebbe your jokes just aren’t funny, eh? ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/20 "2006-02-10T19:00:38Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > **MaxTheVool** - what you want is a geek. Well, DUH. 🙂 Sadly, female geeks in silicon valley are in very short supply. Or, rather, are in very high demand. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842.md?page=2)