# I can't find these two traits in the same potential mate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 10, 2006, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842 "2006-02-10T10:25:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/21 "2006-02-10T19:16:23Z")
> [@UncleBeer](#): > > Mebbe your jokes just aren’t funny, eh? [Milhouse] But my mom says I’m cool! [/Milhouse] ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/22 "2006-02-10T19:18:55Z")
That was damn funny. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/23 "2006-02-10T19:37:05Z")
> [@if6was9](#): > > " -Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit" > > **check** > > -someone who, by default, thinks of other people before themselves > > **check** > > _does happy dance_ You just like making me blush. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/24 "2006-02-10T19:52:38Z")
I’m right here. What are you waiting for? I have a quasi-husband who denigrates me for not wanting to go to parties and to where he wants to go. But I have vitiligo–so Florida is really not a good option for me; I also don’t want to dine out at Hooter’s. He, however, doesn’t want to go to where I want to go or to do what I want to do…such is life. I could probably beat you in the original Trivial Pursuit, but I don’t know much about pop culture now. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/25 "2006-02-10T20:07:44Z")
I just can’t find someone who is physically attractive, intelligent, amusing… and lives in the same town as I do. If he or she lived in my town, I’d even be willing to settle for just the last two. Cute is the most optional option, the cherry atop the sundae of attraction. ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/26 "2006-02-10T21:18:17Z")
I don’t know if this makes sense, but: -Isn’t preoccupied with being or getting “rich,” knows the value of a dollar, doesn’t like needless spending, appreciates saving money -Is 20-30 yet has all finances under control with plenty of money to spare It seems that every guy I know who is close to me in age and is in a good financial state (no debt, can afford to live nicely without scraping by) is, by default, someone who was born into money and takes it for granted (i.e. thinks nothing of spending $500 on a few new clothes or $100 on dinner for two) or went straight into some money-hungry career like I-banking. I wanted someone who shares my vaules more than I wanted someone well off, so I married a writer. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/27 "2006-02-10T21:21:44Z")
> [@YaWanna](#): > > What I couldn’t find was someone who was responsible/conscientious/financially stable… > > AND > > not an insanely jealous, tightass, complete control freak. > > So I married the one who I had the most _other_ things in common with. There’s another good one. Again, married the writer. ---
**Author:** ![aurelian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f4b2a3/32.png) [@aurelian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aurelian)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/28 "2006-02-10T22:36:02Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Total homebodies are hard to find. Unless you know where they live. Exactly. My mom was right. I’d like to think I’m (usually) intelligent, funny, cute and humble, but it’s hard to meet eligible men, since all the other people like me are also at home, wondering where the hell the people like them are. Poof. It’s not fair. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/29 "2006-02-10T22:44:02Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > Well, DUH. 🙂 > > Sadly, female geeks in silicon valley are in very short supply. Or, rather, are in very high demand. Ahh, see that’s a third criteria. You expect them to also be female. Cause I thought of several people I know that likely would meet your first two. (me being one) Russell ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/30 "2006-02-10T23:25:13Z")
> [@aurelian](#): > > Exactly. My mom was right. I’d like to think I’m (usually) intelligent, funny, cute and humble, but it’s hard to meet eligible men, since all the other people like me are also at home, wondering where the hell the people like them are. > Poof. It’s not fair. You’ve just come close to Brightpenny’s Theory of Decent Singles! Those beautiful people who are shallow, dishonest, and uninteresting are at all of the singles’ events and dating each other. They’re also miserable because they can’t find any “decent singles”, but they’re not willing to relax their hotness requirements. The honest, bright, interesting, good-hearted, and reasonably attractive singles are frustrated and dejected because everyone wants to meet the beautiful people and won’t talk to them, so they stay at home and wonder how to meet other decent singles. IMHO there should be special singles events for all the Decent Singles, with none of the others allowed to attend! ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/31 "2006-02-10T23:47:52Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Ahh, see that’s a third criteria. You expect them to also be female. Cause I thought of several people I know that likely would meet your first two. (me being one) > > Russell Well, needless to say there are a bunch of other criteria: -Female -Straight or bi -In certain age range -Not already married -Interested in me -Not a mother-raper or father-stabber -Human -Living in my town. Failing that, the bay area. Failing that, California. Failing that, the Western US. Failing that, the western hemisphere. I was just pointing out two that seem to be particularly hard to find in the same person. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/32 "2006-02-11T00:35:55Z")
Mostly I was just teasing you Max. Since as was mentioned, you’re basically looking for a geek and your followup that female geeks were hard to find. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/33 "2006-02-11T15:53:18Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > It seems very hard to find a potential mate who both: Ah\*\* Max\*\*, too bad you live on the wrong coast. You’ve described me. I’m also not hideous and meet your other criteria. I wish I had someone who could give me a run for my money in Trivial Pursuit or Scrabble, who wants to sit on the couch and watch Season 1 of Battlestar Galactica on DVD this weekend, and make pancakes for breakfast. ☹ My criteria also seem impossibl to find, even though I don’t think I’m asking that much. I want someone who is single, in his 30’s, an open and honest man, in decent shape, likes cats, is intelligent but not insane, and wants a relationship, preferably with me. It seems that at least one of these characteristics is absent in all the single men I meet. Plus, being a homebody, the amount of effort I have to make to meet single guys is pretty large. Eh, someday it’ll happen. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/34 "2006-02-11T23:47:24Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > Does this mean, as my ex-boyfriend thought, ‘Never leaves the apartment unless absolutely necessary’? > > I can be a homebody, but he pushed it to the point of ridiculousness by not wanting to go _anywhere at all_ for months and months. It was’t that he wouldn’t go out with me, either. He absolutely refused to leave his apartment no matter who asked him to go somewhere. His roommate asks if he wants to go out for pizza? No. His friends invite him to a barbecue? No. > > All he wanted to do was sit there, like a lump, watching SG-1. I was more the ‘Hey goin out on a Saturday night once a month is a nice idea, and maybe y’know, a weekend road trip every couple months… camping perhaps?’ See, I think we need clarification on the term “homebody.” I have been described as a " total homebody" on a good day, and “antisocial” on a bad day, by the Mr. Thing is, I wouldn’t classify myself like that at all. I like getting out and doing things, but I don’t want to party like I’m in college every weekend, either. Going out one or two weekends a month is enough for me. Other times, I am perfectly content parking it on the couch, or lying low with going to dinner and a movie, just the two of us. Yet, I’m a “homebody.” Yeah, I guess that had nothing to do with the thread. Sorry, just had to get that out. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2006, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/35 "2006-02-12T01:17:34Z")
**lezlers** , I’m the same way. I love to travel, and I enjoy going out to see a movie, or go to a museum. I even enjoy going to a bar with friends once a month or so. But other than that, I like home. Home is the place where everything is exactly the way I want it. “Out” involves uncomfortable shoes and $8 drinks and music I probably wouldn’t have chosen and feigning interest in the ramblings of (often intoxicated) strangers and all sorts of compromises. I lose patience with it as I get older. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2006, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/36 "2006-02-12T01:31:44Z")
What’s the age range? ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2006, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/37 "2006-02-12T02:10:40Z")
I enjoying going out sometimes, for dinner, a movie, a gallery opening, to hang out with friends, live music. However, there are lots of weekends where I feel like staying home and watching DVD’s, sleeping late, and just slacking off. I work hard and I don’t always want to expend a lot of energy on the weekends. It would be awesome to have someone to do all this stuff with, but I wonder if it’ll come off as boring or lame if I want to just sit on the couch or stay in bed all day. The whole dating thing is kind of a tedious process, too. Finding someone who is right for you takes a long time and a large investment of energy. Often, I don’t feel like I have that energy, though I would like to be dating, or at least hanging out with someone who I like and who likes me. I think I have forgotten how to find it. It used to be so easy. Or maybe the rules changed as I got older and I didn’t get the memo. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2006, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/38 "2006-02-12T02:16:18Z")
> [@](#): > > **lezlers** said: > See, I think we need clarification on the term “homebody.” I have been described as a " total homebody" on a good day, and “antisocial” on a bad day, by the Mr. Yeah, I think there needs to be some clarification too. I like staying home on occasion myself, but I also need to get out and do things. I’m extremely geeky, of the computer geek variety, and I’m hoping to find a guy who really likes geeky chicks, is a geek himself, and is actually willing to go out and do things. I don’t mean ‘party all night every night’ either, but y’know, going to see a band evyer now and then is not a bad thing (as my ex thought). I think ‘homebody’ is a bad descriptor, and I also notice that I was nodding my head along with the first of **Max’s** requirements, and then doing the total opposite with his second. No weekend adventures? No traveling? It’d give me cabin fever. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2006, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/39 "2006-02-12T02:31:21Z")
Coincidentally, I was just listening to the song “True Love Will Find You in the End” by Daniel Johnston. I think the [lyrics](http://www.rejectedunknown.com/lyrics/Song%20Title/truelovewillfindyouintheend.htm) are appropriate for this thread. Like any song, of course, it’s better to listen to than to read. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2006, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842/40 "2006-02-12T04:51:30Z")
Two traits? I wish I could find someone that _only lacked_ two. -foxy [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-find-these-two-traits-in-the-same-potential-mate/343842.md?page=3)