# I can't make my girlfriend get an orgasm. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 4, 2001, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753 "2001-04-04T07:28:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![raverxhouston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@raverxhouston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raverxhouston)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/1 "2001-04-04T07:28:15Z")
Ok, this sounds pretty nasty and you people probably don’t want to hear this, but if you people have any suggestions, I’d be grateful. Here is the situation: All my past girlfriends, I had no problem getting them an orgasm, but this girl, she just won’t get one. I’m not sure if she even knows how. She says sometimes that she can’t take it anymore when we are having sex, so we stop. Could it be just because she can’t handle it? Please give me some answers! I’m going crazy! ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/2 "2001-04-04T09:28:35Z")
A friend of mine says she never orgasms during sex, but only during foreplay. I find that whacked, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/3 "2001-04-04T09:36:08Z")
try a concrete dildo? ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/4 "2001-04-04T09:50:14Z")
Sweet Jesus, you can’t **make** her **get** an orgasm. She may have an orgasm but you can’t force the damn thing on her. In fact, i would guess she’s feeling so pressurised by your insistance that she has one that you’re making it worse if anything. She may have issues with enjoying sex or “losing control” that you **must** be sensitive to or you haven’t got a hope in hell. Many women have trouble reaching orgasm - it doesn’t happen automatically like it does for men. A lot of women have to learn (on their own) how to have an orgasm. She may have to find out for herself what works before you can leap in and take over and that itself may present some issues. I think you need to be way, way more sensitive and thoughtful - this girl is not “all your other girlfriends” - she’s an individual who has her own tastes and you need to _talk and listen_ to her to find out what works for her. To be crude for a second, simply rubbing away down there just aint gonna cut it. And if you’re leaving out the warm up and the foreplay, well then god help you. Step back, stop banging away at her for a second until she “can’t handle it” :rolleyes: and think and talk. > [@](#): > > A friend of mine says she never orgasms during sex, but only during foreplay. I find that whacked, myself. Could that maybe be because, uh, she has a clitoris? And it needs to be stimulated? Fran ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/5 "2001-04-04T10:46:22Z")
Well, I wish orgasm for men did happen “automatically” – I don’t think ejaculation is automatic, orgasm most definitely, most certainly not. I’d suggest slapping her around the face with a wet fish until she gives in and “gets one” What’s the matter with women today ?? Re the OP: I’d listen to the advice of Francesca and other women – I think it can be quite a tricky issue with various possible reasons / solutions. Often it’s in the head as much as the body (smutty quote expected any minute). ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/6 "2001-04-04T12:36:12Z")
Jesus F. Christ, people! If you don’t have a legitimate answer, why post? Do you think manny and Chronos need posts in their forum like: > [@](#): > > try a concrete dildo? Look, **raverxhouston** , let’s try to do something fun here. Let’s try to help you out. And see if we can turn you into a sexual Michaelangelo, who can work masterpieces when presented with the female body as a canvas. First, let’s find out some information: 1. How old are you and your girlfriend? 2. Is this the first sexual relationship for her? 3. Does she love you? 4. How do you start out? Without being graphic or over-the-top, let’s see what you typically do during foreplay (if anything), and how she reacts. Is there anything that she likes, that she says feels good? How does the sexual process work for you guys? 5. Have you talked with her? And, importantly, listened to her? 6. Can she orgasm via masturbation? 7. Is she taking antidepressants? 8. Are drugs and/or alcohol involved during foreplay/sex? Let’s see what the answers are to these questions, and then we can work on a plan to approach hers and your problem. And the rewards will be tremendous all around. Because believe me, if you can give her pleasure it will make you feel like the Queen or King of the World. Seeing the woman you love writhing in a powerful multiple orgasm in your arms is worth everything in life. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/7 "2001-04-04T12:41:45Z")
That’s it, blame the girl. :rolleyes: What you’re really saying is, you’re unable to bring her to orgasm. And you’re feeling inadequate. And pathetic. And like you’re a sad human being who doesn’t deserve a girlfriend. Well, you’re right. 😉 j/k ---
**Author:** ![theotherangel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@theotherangel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theotherangel)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/8 "2001-04-04T14:11:01Z")
I totally agree with Anthracite. Talk with her. Take your time. My goodness people, lets have a little compassion here. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/9 "2001-04-04T14:28:42Z")
> [@](#): > > I totally agree with Anthracite. Talk with her. Take your time. [sub]I said that too. First. _sulk_ [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/10 "2001-04-04T14:38:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by raverxhouston \* > All my past girlfriends, I had no problem getting them an orgasm, girlfriend: what did you get at the store? boyfriend: well, they had the oranges and soy milk, but lord, I just could not get you an orgasm. I’m having a lot of trouble with that. girlfriend: I’d get one myself, but I don’t even know how! boyfriend: I know! Well, I’ll try, but I’m having problems getting it for you. New…ORGASM IN A JAR! Use only as directed, point away from face, if rash develops discontinue use. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![theotherangel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@theotherangel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theotherangel)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/11 "2001-04-04T14:41:18Z")
My apologies,Francesca. You said it first. (Smile) ---
**Author:** ![dublos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f08c70/32.png) [@dublos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dublos)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/12 "2001-04-04T15:03:46Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* \*\* > [@](#): > > New…ORGASM IN A JAR! > jarbaby \*\* OK, this got me stared giggling, and of course it was even better when poster & phrase connected to create… New…Orgasm in a JarBaby 😉 **raverxhouston** Do remember, it’s perfectly fine to ask your partner to make you orgasm while you’re in the midst of the act (preferably in a nice throaty growl with the occasional moan or groan interupting), but when speaking to others, the proper phrase is to help them reach orgasm. Force between consenting adults if a fine and dandy thing, but that’s not what we’re talkin about here, so nobody’s makin anybody do something. -Doug ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/13 "2001-04-04T17:10:42Z")
Why does she need an orgasm? Maybe she doesn’t want one. Plus maybe sex is painful for her? Sex is overrated. The goal of sex is not orgasm, right, I mean I should hope so, if not, could someone inform me if this is incorrect? ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/14 "2001-04-04T19:19:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\* > Why does she need an orgasm? Maybe she doesn’t want one. Plus maybe sex is painful for her? Sex is overrated. The goal of sex is not orgasm, right, I mean I should hope so, if not, could someone inform me if this is incorrect? \*\* Depends on how you look at it. From a purely biological POV, the point of sex is reproduction. Though when you consider the lengths we often take to _prevent_ pregnancy, it becomes obvious that there’is a difference between recreational and procreational sex. The point of recreational sex, from a guy’s point of view, is to make the girl come so hard that she’s happy, glowing, and incapable of coherent thought. Then you can clean yourself up and watch baseball. ::flees:: ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/15 "2001-04-04T19:23:55Z")
> [@](#): > > boyfriend: well, they had the oranges and soy milk, but lord, I just could not get you an orgasm. I’m having a lot of trouble with that. LOL! Thank you, **jarbaby** …the OP’s language re his girlfriend’s orgasm (or lack thereof) was creating the same sort of mental imagery for me. 🙂 **raverxhouston** , if you really want advice to remedy this situation with your girlfriend, you should answer the questions posted by **Anthracite** to give other posters some background. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/16 "2001-04-04T19:49:50Z")
Good grief. You, the OP, are operating under the mistaken impression that _you_ are in charge of a woman’s orgasm. :rolleyes: Bzzzzzzt! Wrong, bucko! You don’t _give_ her one. This isn’t a Christmas present. If she’s not having one, there’s a problem. Follow the advice of the Her Majesty **Anthracite** and **Francesca**. Talk to her and find out what’s holding her back. Oh, and there’s no such thing as too much foreplay. ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/17 "2001-04-04T20:21:08Z")
While the advice of **Anthracite** and **Francesca** is indispensible, I do feel I have some anecdotal advice that could be useful. For me, it’s all about trial and error. When I started having sex with the girl I’m with now, an orgasm for her was a random occurence, mostly. And even then, it required me to go at it about three times. This was a lot of work without a guaranteed result. Tiring for me and, in my opinion, less than she deserved. But I knew it drove her nuts, but not to orgasm, when I played around “upstairs.” By having her on top, we can have sex and I can do some business upstairs, too. The combination proved to be dynamite, and sex with her is fantastic EVERY time now for both of us. Also, some girls can only have an orgasm through oral or manual sex, at least to start out. The clitoris is often easier to stimulate through those methods and is, usually, more sensitive than the vagina, at least from my experience. Also, stimulating the g-spot (located on the upper wall of the vagina, a couple inches in), can provide a MASSIVE (sometimes messy, depending on the girl) orgasm, but often only through fingering because of its position. But most important is how she feels about you. If she loves you, she should be able to overcome any other barrier. If not, you’re efforts may be futile. And don’t blame her. Something as wonderous as the female body SHOULD be finicky. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/18 "2001-04-04T21:22:41Z")
> [@](#): > > But most important is how she feels about you. If she loves you, she should be able to overcome any other barrier. If not, you’re efforts may be futile. I have to take mild issue with this, to the extent that it might lead the OP’er (whom I assume is rather young – if I’m wrong then pardon me) to believe that if his girlfriend cannot have an orgasm with him, then she must not love him. 'Tain’t necessarily so. Every woman is different, but the ability to climax is for women no more tied to being in love than it is for men. ---
**Author:** ![raverxhouston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@raverxhouston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raverxhouston)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/19 "2001-04-04T21:47:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anthracite \* > \*\*Jesus F. Christ, people! If you don’t have a legitimate answer, why post? Do you think manny and Chronos need posts in their forum like: > > > [@](#): > > > > try a concrete dildo? > > Look, **raverxhouston** , let’s try to do something fun here. Let’s try to help you out. And see if we can turn you into a sexual Michaelangelo, who can work masterpieces when presented with the female body as a canvas. > > First, let’s find out some information: > > 1. How old are you and your girlfriend? > > 2. Is this the first sexual relationship for her? > > 3. Does she love you? > > 4. How do you start out? Without being graphic or over-the-top, let’s see what you typically do during foreplay (if anything), and how she reacts. Is there anything that she likes, that she says feels good? How does the sexual process work for you guys? > > 5. Have you talked with her? And, importantly, listened to her? > > 6. Can she orgasm via masturbation? > > 7. Is she taking antidepressants? > > 8. Are drugs and/or alcohol involved during foreplay/sex? > > Let’s see what the answers are to these questions, and then we can work on a plan to approach hers and your problem. And the rewards will be tremendous all around. Because believe me, if you can give her pleasure it will make you feel like the Queen or King of the World. > > Seeing the woman you love writhing in a powerful multiple orgasm in your arms is worth everything in life. \*\* 1. How old are you and your girlfriend? both 21… 2. Is this the first sexual relationship for her? well, no but she only had intercourse twice… 3. Does she love you? i hope so, it’s been about 10 months together 4. How do you start out? Without being graphic or over-the-top, let’s see what you typically do during foreplay (if anything), and how she reacts. Is there anything that she likes, that she says feels good? How does the sexual process work for you guys? well, usually i start with “magic fingers” roaming around “downtown area”, then i use the “magic tongue” and stay around the “the sensitive spot” (but NOTE\* this is the point where she tells me she can’t handle it), we tried eatible oil form victoria’s secrets, but she stops after she eats up all the oil, hehe 5. Have you talked with her? And, importantly, listened to her? well, she is as clueless as me in this matter 6. Can she orgasm via masturbation? it’s funny, no! (weird, huh?) 7. Is she taking antidepressants? no drugs 8. Are drugs and/or alcohol involved during foreplay/sex? nope…just pure sex ---
**Author:** ![raverxhouston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@raverxhouston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raverxhouston)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753/20 "2001-04-04T21:51:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SNenc \* > \*\*While the advice of **Anthracite** and **Francesca** is indispensible, I do feel I have some anecdotal advice that could be useful. > > For me, it’s all about trial and error. When I started having sex with the girl I’m with now, an orgasm for her was a random occurence, mostly. And even then, it required me to go at it about three times. This was a lot of work without a guaranteed result. Tiring for me and, in my opinion, less than she deserved. > > But I knew it drove her nuts, but not to orgasm, when I played around “upstairs.” By having her on top, we can have sex and I can do some business upstairs, too. The combination proved to be dynamite, and sex with her is fantastic EVERY time now for both of us. > > Also, some girls can only have an orgasm through oral or manual sex, at least to start out. The clitoris is often easier to stimulate through those methods and is, usually, more sensitive than the vagina, at least from my experience. Also, stimulating the g-spot (located on the upper wall of the vagina, a couple inches in), can provide a MASSIVE (sometimes messy, depending on the girl) orgasm, but often only through fingering because of its position. > > But most important is how she feels about you. If she loves you, she should be able to overcome any other barrier. If not, you’re efforts may be futile. > > And don’t blame her. Something as wonderous as the female body SHOULD be finicky. \*\* It’s really hard to tell if one loves another, but in my honest opinion she does. She’s I guess you can say, unexperienced. She doesn’t relax when having intercourse, instead she is tense. Aren’t you supposed to be relaxed to get the full exposure of sex? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-make-my-girlfriend-get-an-orgasm/60753.md?page=2)