# I can't very well send this email, can I? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 18, 2013, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659 "2013-01-18T23:29:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![OurLordPeace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e8c25b/32.png) [@OurLordPeace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OurLordPeace)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/41 "2013-01-21T20:00:00Z")
> [@Seanette](#): > > Sounds more to me like OLP cares only for the “win” of getting what he wants, doesn’t give a damn about the other human being involved (she’s just a game to be “won”). Am I the only one who, while growing up, absorbed lots of cultural influences centered on “wooing” or otherwise winning the affections of a reluctant person? I’m thinking of Wayne in Wayne’s World, looking at the camera and saying “She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.” I’m thinking of countless song lyrics. I was just listening to Stabbing Westward’s “What do I have to do” and “Shame” last night. I’m also thinking of the first date I had, at eighteen (depression and a desire for asexuality rendered me a late bloomer, she was shocked) when, after I said something sweet, she said “And that deserves this… and this…” and kissed me, giving me mono. “Aha,” I thought, “say the right things and she will reward you.” To be sure, I’m a feminist, and I see no reason why this would not apply regardless of the genders/sexualities involved. Also, am I the only one who got this message from their parents: “You don’t have to care about what anybody else thinks about you.” I wonder if that really affected me subconsciously, or perhaps I just took them literally. It sure was quite a shock to realize, over and over again, that almost nobody was “that into” me. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/42 "2013-01-21T20:06:51Z")
> [@OurLordPeace](#): > > Am I the only one who, while growing up, absorbed lots of cultural influences centered on “wooing” or otherwise winning the affections of a reluctant person? I’m thinking of Wayne in Wayne’s World, looking at the camera and saying “She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.” I’m thinking of countless song lyrics. I was just listening to Stabbing Westward’s “What do I have to do” and “Shame” last night. You’re not the only one. Many, many other people have had to grow out of those kinds of unhealthy thought patterns as well. Perhaps [better music](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdrBP-Rq-J0) will help. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/43 "2013-01-21T21:48:15Z")
“All life is an expirement, the more you make the better” - Ralph Waldo Emerson I don’t think that answers your question, but it seems relevant. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2013, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/44 "2013-01-21T22:06:53Z")
> [@OurLordPeace](#): > > Am I the only one who, while growing up, absorbed lots of cultural influences centered on “wooing” or otherwise winning the affections of a reluctant person? I’m thinking of Wayne in Wayne’s World, looking at the camera and saying “She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.” I’m thinking of countless song lyrics. I was just listening to Stabbing Westward’s “What do I have to do” and “Shame” last night. TV and movies and books tell us a lot of stuff. If it’s a fictional work, most of it is probably bullshit if you try to apply it to real life. Hookers don’t find awesomely respectful handsome sugar daddies just because someone filmed “Pretty Woman.” (And in the original script, she was a drug addict with a friend who was one step away from ODing. Hollywood loves bullshit happy endings, though.) > [@](#): > > I’m also thinking of the first date I had, at eighteen (depression and a desire for asexuality rendered me a late bloomer, she was shocked) when, after I said something sweet, she said “And that deserves this… and this…” and kissed me, giving me mono. “Aha,” I thought, “say the right things and she will reward you.” To be sure, I’m a feminist, and I see no reason why this would not apply regardless of the genders/sexualities involved. Purely metaphorical. To roughly quote a phrase I’ve seen a lot lately, “women are not vending machines that you can put kindness tokens into and expect sex to come out.” And if you find a woman like that, I’d probably run fast if I were you - more likely than not, you found a woman with poor self-esteem who’s caved in out of desperation. Not a good basis for a real relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/45 "2013-01-22T14:50:29Z")
I am not a thing to be _won_ just because I am a woman. I am not a prize in a vending machine. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/46 "2013-01-22T18:32:38Z")
> [@OurLordPeace](#): > > So, to answer the question I posed in the title of this thread: No, I didn’t think so. > > I asked for a second opinion, and I got it, and then some. Sending it would be a terrible idea, as I suspected. I really appreciate the confirmation. > > This been very illuminating in an unexpected way, since this is the first time I’ve gotten any negative feedback at all regarding my relationship with M. I’ve talked to a lot of people about her, and they all shared the same set of feelings: happy that I got what I wanted and needed, happy that M. had a great experience, saddened that it had to end, and relieved that it ended because of no-one’s fault or misdeeds. The reaction here is surprising and thought-provoking. > > M. herself recently sent me a PUA e-book, in order to help me move on more easily. I just finished reading it, and I have mixed feelings. Besides repeatedly referring to women as “girls,” it seems shallow in other ways. I’ve always thought that I need to get to know somebody pretty well before doing anything else, much less sleeping with them, since I don’t want to give any pleasure, in any way shape or form, to someone of poor ethics/taste/etc. With that said, it might be very helpful for situations in which I already know we have crucial things in common. > [@colander](#): > > Wow. Gross. Seconded. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/47 "2013-01-22T19:10:29Z")
No, no no. Drop all the excuses and explanations, and just drop her a light hearted “hey, would you like to have coffee”? Or something nice, and entertaining, and fun. If she wants to go out with you again, she will. If you send her the letter, it’ll look really whiny, as if you’re begging, and that’s a huge turn off. Then, if you DO get a second chance, show her the things you talked about in your email don’t TELL her. (trust me, I’m a girl). ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/48 "2013-01-22T19:14:53Z")
Send the letter. And then wear a disguise and follow her around town. It’ll be funny. Especially if the only disguise you can get is Osama bin Laden, and hilarious results happen from misunderstandings ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659/49 "2013-01-22T19:33:55Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Send the letter. On the off chance the OP is actually for real, I think sending the original letter would be in the woman’s best interest. And a thoughtful gift: a beautiful red flag. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-cant-very-well-send-this-email-can-i/647659.md?page=2)