I realize that prescriptivism versus descriptivism–for some ungodly reason–raises a few hackles each time it’s brought up, but let’s do away with the insults in this forum. If you want to call someone a dick, please take it to the Pit.
Look, uh, I’m sorry you feel I was rude - I didn’t mean to be a dick as I (apparently) was. Maybe I’ve become impatient about these prescriptive grammar threads, but I have to say I was a little peeved to post something longish and (at least I think so) pretty clear and have the points I made be completely ignored next time around.
No problem. Some other alternatives:
“No, seriously, dude!”
“I, Dave Barry, am not making this up.”
“This is one hundred fucking percent true.”
“Literally.”
Yep: you can use “literally” to mean “I am not shitting you.” Or you can use “literally” to mean, “I am exagerrating like a motherfuck.” Your listener will literally understand from context what you mean; it’s literally a hoot and a half how that works.
Daniel
You know, I’ve been here for 6 years and that’s my first mod warning. I feel like I finally belong. 
Technically, I didn’t call him a dick, I said not to BE a dick. But I guess that’s a “six of one/half dozen” sort of thing and I apologize.
I’ve always thought James Joyce knew exactly what he was doing with the words he chose. In “The Dead” the final story in Dubliners, the story begins with:
“Lily, the caretaker’s daughter, was literally run off her feet.”
Can’t you just see the poor thing, running around on those bloody stumps?
I find “I shit you not” more poetic and just as effective. I shit you not.
How about “factually”?
Too goofy. Let’s say I call a friend while on the Meråkerbanen to Storlien train line. I could tell them I am actually, factually on the way to Hell.
Once I was watching the news and some newsbimbo said “This family has literally been to hell and back.” I couldn’t help but wonder if they took the traditional route of meeting a classical poet in a dark wood, or the modern alternative of finding an interdimensional portal in a bedroom closet.
I take no position on the P v. D language debate, but that made me laugh.