# I could smack, strangle, and lecture you for 3 hrs, but you still won't get it, will you? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 6, 2011, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720 "2011-08-06T11:38:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/21 "2011-08-06T13:58:22Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Yeah, because I’m sure my friends and I are the only ones who ever do recreational drugs when we party sometimes. Not at all, but the number tends to dwindle over time. Particularly the number of people in your age group who still do lots of blow and are surprised when it leads to flaky relationships and unstable behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/22 "2011-08-06T14:14:33Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Not at all, but the number tends to dwindle over time. Particularly the number of people in your age group who still do lots of blow and are surprised when it leads to flaky relationships and unstable behavior. I’m not sure where you’re getting one weekend of partying= lots of blow, flaky relationships, and unstable behavior. We’re talking about five months of friendship and ONE weekend where drugs were involved. I also think I made it pretty clear that all of my other relationships are anything but flaky. Do my friends party sometimes? Of course. Do their lives revolve around it in a whirlwhind of crazed behavior? Hardly. Funny how people tend to give a pass to people who drink every weekend, or every night when they get home from work, but an occasion of drug use is soooooo different. Sometimes I forget, is this really 2011, or is it 1956? I guess I naively figured most people (esp Dopers) nowadays know that the “just say no” propaganda was silly bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/23 "2011-08-06T14:25:18Z")
Beegeezus I’ve never seen a post break bad before. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/24 "2011-08-06T14:39:40Z")
I think it would be next to impossible to send a note like that and _not_ spend time wondering how they thought about it and reacted to it, and this would make it harder for you to say “goodbye” with any finality. It works as self-therapy, but if I were you, I’d keep any partings quick and simple. Just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/25 "2011-08-06T14:48:49Z")
I’d have dropped the “friend” after the second paragraph’s events. I didn’t get that much further in the story, mind you. And yeah, I’m “straight edge” enough barring a fondness for beer, but the last time I heard an anecdote that included ‘trouble making a drug deal’ it involved my sister finally waking up and dumping her asshole ex. So maybe I’m just gun-shy in that respect. But I agree with those who say don’t send it. You can’t fix mental problems, and you don’t need bullshit in your life. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/26 "2011-08-06T14:51:17Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Funny how people tend to give a pass to people who drink every weekend, or every night when they get home from work, but an occasion of drug use is soooooo different. Sometimes I forget, is this really 2011, or is it 1956? I guess I naively figured most people (esp Dopers) nowadays know that the “just say no” propaganda was silly bullshit. My couple of beers doesn’t go towards financing murderous international drug cartels. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/27 "2011-08-06T14:58:35Z")
I read the first two paragraphs, and skimmed the rest. Drop her like a hot rock. Seriously, paragraph 2 would be enough to say, “Wow, not worth the drama.” And definitely do not send her that email or any other explanatory email. Just move on. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/28 "2011-08-06T15:04:31Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I’d have dropped the “friend” after the second paragraph’s events. I didn’t get that much further in the story, mind you. Yeah, I’m wondering why the OP even bothered to keep this person around? Love of drama? It also feels very collegiate – drinking, friend drama. Not really the kind of behavior you want to be engaging in beyond your early/mid 20s. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/29 "2011-08-06T15:11:31Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > I’m not sure where you’re getting one weekend of partying= lots of blow, flaky relationships, and unstable behavior. To be honest, **Indygrrl** , it’s probably because your OP reads like you were tweaking when you _wrote_ it. It is eighteen paragraphs of rapid fire complaints centering around ridiculously minor things like how she looked at you funny this one time, or how this other time she accused you of saying mean things to her, or how this other one time she said mean things to you, or how this other other one time she didn’t understand you, or how you care for her _sooo_ much you wish she would just be betterandrealize sheneedstotreatevery onebetterohfuckican’tslowdoworstopwritingIdidwaytoomuchcokeI’mweakingsohard. Calm the fuck down. All your complaints seem pretty minor. Did this thing really come to a head because you view her singing a song as “disrespecting you”? You need to take a step back and regain some perspective. Are you sure you’re not tweaking right now? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/30 "2011-08-06T15:12:38Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > My couple of beers doesn’t go towards financing murderous international drug cartels. My couple of bowls helps finance a guy’s college education. Kid should seriously change his major to botany.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/31 "2011-08-06T15:20:35Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > To be honest, **Indygrrl** , it’s probably because your OP reads like you were tweaking when you _wrote_ it. It is eighteen paragraphs of rapid fire complaints centering around ridiculously minor things like how she looked at you funny this one time, or how this other time she accused you of saying mean things to her, or how this other one time she said mean things to you, or how this other other one time she didn’t understand you, or how you care for her _sooo_ much you wish she would just be betterandrealize sheneedstotreatevery onebetterohfuckican’tslowdoworstopwritingIdidwaytoomuchcokeI’mweakingsohard. > > Calm the fuck down. All your complaints seem pretty minor. Did this thing really come to a head because you view her singing a song as “disrespecting you”? You need to take a step back and regain some perspective. Are you sure you’re not tweaking right now? Haha, you’re probably right. I wasn’t tweaking or anything like it, but I was pissed and fired off about everything I could think of. After posting it and reading back through it I can see how it’s coming off that way. The friend I ranted about it to knows this girl, and it probably makes a lot more sense if you’ve met her. She’s like a five-year-old who gets a laugh with a joke and takes that as reason to repeat it over and over and over. The stupid song was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. On it’s own, not even worth blinking at, but after a hundred other things in several hours time just enough to make me kinda snap. If nothing else, this feedback is illustrating exactly why I don’t even need to put one more thought into whether or not to keep this person in my life. If my anger at her is making me come off like a 12 YO tweaker, that’s bad.😃 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/32 "2011-08-06T15:40:32Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > I’m not sure where you’re getting one weekend of partying= lots of blow, flaky relationships, and unstable behavior. > > We’re talking about five months of friendship and ONE weekend where drugs were involved. Fair enough; I redact the “lots of.” I’m hardly a Nancyreaganite. It’s true that I don’t do coke anymore, though, and the hyper-aware microdramas of the sort you described at length in your OP are part of the reason why. Indulge away, with my full blessing. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/33 "2011-08-06T16:31:58Z")
That woman is not a friend, not in any way. How an adult woman like yourself has persevered in this “relationship” is totally puzzling to me. Have more respect for yourself. As others have said, mailing that missive is a very bad idea. Part of me thinks it’s even a bad idea to post about doing coke on a message board, lest said board be perceived to condone or tolerate criminal behaviour. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/34 "2011-08-06T16:32:03Z")
Indulge all you want but stop inviting whatshername. Lifes too short to deal with bullshit when there’s no compelling reason to do so. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/35 "2011-08-06T17:46:09Z")
You know there’s a spectrum of risk, collateral damage and advantage/disadvantage when it comes to recreational drugs, right? Yeah, we all get into some alteration of our consciousness one way or another, but cocaine’s pretty far over on the spectrum of lots of risk, lots of collateral damage, and lots of disadvantages. (I keep thinking I read somewhere that you were on the wagon? Did I imagine it?) Anyways, your “friend” is bipolar to say the least. After the “you never listen to me” phone call, it was time to cut her loose. I just keep remember Bill Cosby’s bit about cocaine. Someone told him “Well, it intensifies your personality.” So, he asked, “Yes, but what if you’re an asshole?” ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/36 "2011-08-06T17:49:38Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > I mean, damn, haven’t you ever just needed to rant? I can’t be the only one who feels better after doing that. You are not the only one. In fact I do it just for my own pleasure, I don’t give a fuck if anyone even reads it. Been ranting for 16 years online, occasionally it makes someone laugh, so it’s all good. I’m so happy right now I will actually go read that way too long Usenet screed and get back to ya. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/37 "2011-08-06T17:50:58Z")
Oh fuck, it’s about a woman. No need to even read it. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/38 "2011-08-06T18:31:10Z")
Honestly, I had kind of different image of you from your other posts here, and you’ve been posting here a good long time. I don’t know if I expected you were older or more grounded or what and I’m not sure what you are doing these days, but this really does read like a bunch of mean girls drama coming out of incredibly immature adults chasing drugs and partying. Your buddy sounds like a nasty kook, and your pursuit of a relationship with her mystifies me, especially given all the attention she devotes to discussing your husband. Most women would not want her within a mile of their spouse. Am I missing some sub-text here, is this a person who you and your hubby got intimate with? I can’t see why you are seemingly so bound to tolerating her in your lives. It makes no sense. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/39 "2011-08-06T18:32:27Z")
I must be too comfortable here to forget that people will grab onto a detail, even after it’s been explained, and feel the need to harp on it. Yeah, we do a bit of drugs occasionally, but nowhere near enough for it to have a profound impact on our lives or anything else. I see now that I should have left that part out. I know it’s not the most fascinating read, but I wasn’t expecting nastiness towards me, personally. I have more than enough self-respect. I just had blinders on with this person, and took a little too long to see what was in front of me. Thanks for indulging my lengthy, incredibly dull, and trivial (to most) rant. I’m not sending this, or anything else, to the girl. I’m just going to let her go and that will be that. It’s time for me to stay out of the Pit for awhile, I think. If a mod wants to close this, that would be lovely. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720/40 "2011-08-06T18:46:02Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Yeah, because I’m sure my friends and I are the only ones who ever do recreational drugs when we party sometimes. I thought it was a significant detail of the first part of the story. We did drugs the first weekend we hung out, and that was it. I certainly wasn’t going to repeat it while hanging out with this particular girl. I prefer a little energy high than a drunk one, so give me a break, Puritans. Unless, of course, you and your friends are totally straight edge, that’d be the only way snarking on it wouldn’t be hypocritical. Some of us realized that coke was an especially stupid way to party about 20 years ago. Learn to do what you can handle & avoid people who can’t. But it’s hard to reconcile your Party Girl persona with your Wanna-Be Homebirther persona–posting all those links to sites that preach about living Purely & Naturally. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-could-smack-strangle-and-lecture-you-for-3-hrs-but-you-still-wont-get-it-will-you/591720.md?page=3)