# I desire to poop on you sneakily **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2001, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168 "2001-01-21T21:25:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/1 "2001-01-21T21:25:53Z")
In an earlier thread I discussed my infant daughter’s bizarre desire to poop on the cat while it slept unknowingly. My wife and I laughed so hard when it happened that she has yearned for a repeat performance (the cat doesn’t think it’s funny.) Fortunately we succeeded in dissuading my daughter from this before Fecalphelia could become an obsession. I do have to confess though that sneaking up on somebody, and pooping on them unawares is oddly attractive. High humor? Perhaps. I came up with the idea for this thread, but wasn’t sure how (or if) to proceed. Pooping on somebody as a practical joke is pretty extreme, and should only be done judiciously. One must not poop out of hatred, or dislike. Indeed, pooping on somebody is a compliment, as you are assuming that they have the good humor and presence of mind to accept the joke. It is also a matter of trust. If you poop on somebody as a practical joke. You know they are going to retaliate. You are trusting them not to punch you in the face and not to permanently damage you when they return the favor, and you suffer their practical joke. So, with such stipulations in place, What SDMB poster would you most like to poop on? Why? How would you do it? What Moderator would you most like to poop on? Why? How would you do it? If by chance you should be pooped on in this thread, how would you retaliate (only answer this if somebody poops on you?) I’ll go first. **Jshore** and I are the veterans of many spirited arguments. Though the arguments have often gotten heated, I always sensed a subtle goodwill and humor in his posts. I’ve enjoyed our discussion immensely. However, he has this thing about externalized costs, and will run off in a tangent on this at the slightest provocation. What I would do is eat a Mcdonald’s happy meal. the next day I would ask Jshore what the externalized costs of a McDonald’s happy meal were. While he was busy calculating, and distracted, I would “Externalize” it on his keyboard while he types. Moderators are a different story. One senses that such worthies as **DavidB** , and **Manhatten** always have their guard up for this kind of thing, as they have a lot of experience with people trying to shit on them. It would not be easy to do, and I would seriously sweat the payback. **Tveblen** though is pretty good natured, and gets along with and is admired by all. He would be **easy meat**. Plus, I can rationalize that I’m doing him a favor. Now that he’s a mod, he’s gonna have to deal with crap all the time. I will of course employ the classic “fire-poop.” I will poop in a paper bag, and lay the bag at his front door. I will then light the bag on fire, ring his doorbell, and run. When he opens the door, he’ll see the fire and stamp it out. Poop Foot!!! Heh. heh. heh. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/2 "2001-01-21T21:38:24Z")
You are _so_ going to get pooped on by TVeblen for calling her **him**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/3 "2001-01-21T21:44:13Z")
hmmmm… good thread… but tough… There are a few people who deserve it… But finding those who would hurt me back… that’s the tough part. **DITWD** … sure everyone can have a post party. But how about that most special of events… a poo party! Yep… let’s see how much flirting you can do with a big ole stinky laying across your keyboard. **tradesillicon** … and then I’d stick a little red flag in it… For this is a poo of workers revolt. **Czarcasm** … this is what I think of voting for Gore. yep… that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/4 "2001-01-21T22:06:39Z")
> [@](#): > > **Tveblen** though is pretty good natured, and gets along with and is admired by all. He would be **easy meat**. \*\* Veb is gonna be surprised as hell that she’s packin’ a “y” chromosome 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/5 "2001-01-21T22:32:16Z")
Well, if all female posters and Mods sent me nude pics of themselves by email like I asked, then this kind of thing wouldn’t happen. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/6 "2001-01-21T23:37:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*Well, if all female posters and Mods sent me nude pics of themselves by email like I asked, then this kind of thing wouldn’t happen. \*\* ::: **Scylla** fails to duck in time and gets a Poop-Gram plopped right on toppa his head; **Veb** does a blood-thirsty but distinctly feminine victory dance::: Veb ---
**Author:** ![woolly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ebca7d/32.png) [@woolly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woolly)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/7 "2001-01-21T23:37:23Z")
Damm stupid, ignorant foreign newbie picks up the hospital pass and runs with it … What I’d do is take a nice big poop, wrap it up in a comprehensive proposal for gun control, tie the bundle up with one of those pink ribbons that lawyers seem so fond of and leave it outside Unclebeer’s door. He’d soon smell that something was on the nose in the State of the Union, come rushing out and stomp the proposal into smithereens. Then I’d sell lots of tickets at exorbitant prices to dopers who are already clamouring for the best seats to watch the retribution … might even get it onto cable. So, presuming the fertiliser is about to hit the air conditioner … it was nice knowing you all … 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/8 "2001-01-21T23:51:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by woolly \* > \*\* > Then I’d sell lots of tickets at exorbitant prices to dopers who are already clamouring for the best seats to watch the retribution … might even get it onto cable. > > So, presuming the fertiliser is about to hit the air conditioner … it was nice knowing you all … 🙂 \*\* Where do we buy the tickets? **woolly** , it has indeed been a pleasure. You have earned many fervent admirerers and fans this day. Never fear, after the encounter we will toss you a case or two of soap and hose you off–from a discreet distance, of course. And **Scylla** …Poop Foot? Are you not familiar with the mature SDMB insult, “Poopyhead”? \ You are now! Veb ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/9 "2001-01-21T23:52:13Z")
::Wipes poop off of face. Looks around philosophically:: It could have been a lot worse. Now all I have to worry about is that punk, jshore. I doubt she’ll have guts to face me though. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/10 "2001-01-21T23:56:27Z")
I’m not sure Wooly made a very smart move. Poop and firearms are a lethal combination. Doubtless Unclebeer is even now squatting over his muzzleloader. I just wonder what kind of round will come out. If he had corn it could be a 12 gauge slug. Hopefully it’s not a rimfire. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/11 "2001-01-22T00:16:17Z")
[beavis voice] Poop! [/beavis] Plop plop. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/12 "2001-01-22T00:33:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by oldscratch \* > > **DITWD** … sure everyone can have a post party. But how about that most special of events… a poo party! > > Yep… let’s see how much flirting you can do with a big ole stinky laying across your keyboard. > \*\* There ARE some that get their “kinks” thru “poop”, old buddy. They are kinda wierd- but no wierder than folks who pay good money to have people drive needles into their body, or holes punched in them. 😃 Great- now it is just a short time until somebody starts a “poop count party” over in MSPIMS- and I’LL get blamed for it. Note that I am pointing a large accusing finger at one “Oldscratch”- je accuse! There is only one person whom i am carrying a PERSONAL grudge with, here. And “poop” is FAR too good for him. True, I have crossed swords with many, but I despise only one. I TRY to 'forgive"- but sometimes the “flesh is weak” ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/13 "2001-01-22T01:49:20Z")
[Triumph, the insult comic dog] This is a great thread… **for me to poop on!** [/Triumph, the insult comic dog] (hell, someone had to do it) ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/14 "2001-01-22T02:49:48Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* \*\* > [@](#): > > ::: **Scylla** fails to duck in time and gets a Poop-Gram plopped right on toppa his head; **Veb** does a blood-thirsty but distinctly feminine victory dance::: > > Veb \*\* \*\* Veb \*\* , I love you so I want to save you some work. Go here, [http://www.dogdoo.com/Default.asp](http://www.dogdoo.com/Default.asp) \*\* woolly \*\* If you do that to UncleBeer, I’ll \*\* shoot \*\* poop at you. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/15 "2001-01-22T02:56:59Z")
**Scylla** , I’m just po(o)§ing in here to say: _you, Sir, fucking ROCK_. Excellent OP. If you ask really nicely, I’ll let you poop on **UncleBeer** s head. OK? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/16 "2001-01-22T03:24:34Z")
Thank you kindly Mr. Coldfire. I appreciate the compliment. Forgive me for mentioning this, but it seems to me that you have long suffered under the “clog-boy” appellation. Perhaps, while you’re here, you might to desire to crap on somebody? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/17 "2001-01-22T03:41:02Z")
\*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ayesha \* > > \*\* Veb \*\* , I love you so I want to save you some work. Go here, > > [http://www.dogdoo.com/Default.asp](http://www.dogdoo.com/Default.asp) > > \*\* You are just so warped, so bent in _soooo_ many ways, **Ayesha**. ::grins with deep appreciation:: Lists of names started scrolling through my head. You’ve created a monster, **Scylla** , you do realize that, don’t you? Veb ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/18 "2001-01-22T07:43:08Z")
Scylla, if we were giving out awards for the best thread title, you would win hands-down. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/19 "2001-01-22T14:34:17Z")
I love the title of this thread. Its sounds so…cute. Anyhoo, I volunteer to eat a large taco Bell meal, then go poop on Flymaster, then carve a little outline of Ralph Nader in the poop, just to get my message across…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168/20 "2001-01-22T20:21:39Z")
Isn’t there an UL about a guy that was going down on a girl and either passed out or threw up on her and then passed out and when he woke up, he had a Cleveland Steamer on his chest? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-desire-to-poop-on-you-sneakily/51168.md?page=2)