# I did a nice gesture.....we'll see if it's appreciated or not **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 14, 2019, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515 "2019-06-14T16:54:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/1 "2019-06-14T16:54:42Z")
So, I know this person from the gym. We talk for a short bit every day. Her lawnmower is broken, and can’t get it to the shop in her car. She isn’t fussy about keeping the lawn too maintained. Said her crummy lawn hasn’t been cut in about a month. I only know her by first name, but have heard her say her last name a time or two. Easy to figure out where she lives going roughly by where she has said she lives, and looking on the town tax database. So, I went over today and cut the lawn. Took me 15 minutes. She didn’t have a clue that I was going to do this. Would you be appreciative that it was done, or wierded out that I had to look up the address??? I did it to be nice. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/2 "2019-06-14T17:03:13Z")
Should be an option for “both.” Why would you not just offer first? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/3 "2019-06-14T17:03:26Z")
It was not nice that you dug around to find out where she lives. It was a real invasion of her privacy and one you should never, ever repeat. If a situation like this ever comes up again, you should offer to help out, rather than sneaking around. The sneaking is where the creepy came in. All in all, a nice thought but very poorly executed. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/4 "2019-06-14T17:04:52Z")
Yeah, that seems pretty creepy to me. Why did you have to do it that way? Why not just “Hey, I can come over and mow it” and see what she says? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/5 "2019-06-14T17:05:24Z")
Let me guess, she’s pretty? ---
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/6 "2019-06-14T17:06:53Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Let me guess, she’s pretty? She’s NOT pretty. 😀 ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/7 "2019-06-14T17:10:23Z")
I say pretty creepy. The idea that someone would look up my address, come to my house and mess around with my property in my yard when I’m not there and didn’t approve it, is really not ok. You should have just asked first. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/8 "2019-06-14T17:13:38Z")
I’d feel like you were stalking me. Dude, just don’t. _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/9 "2019-06-14T17:15:49Z")
Nice thought, very inappropriate and creepy execution. If she was dropping hints of these problems with a hope you’d offer to help - you should have just offered to help. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/10 "2019-06-14T17:17:33Z")
Do you call her Elvira? ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/11 "2019-06-14T17:17:49Z")
Trespassing and stalking. Plus she will probably assume that you want to bone her so she may be uncomfortable around you now. You meant well but you shouldn’t have done it. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/12 "2019-06-14T17:26:30Z")
If you were neighbors, and so knowing where she lives was an inherent part of your relationship, then it might be a nice gesture. But using her overheard last name to look her up in databases to find where she lives is already creepy. And then physically going there and doing things to her property without asking (yes, even nice things like mowing her lawn) takes that creepiness to the next level. And I hesitate to even ask, but… just front lawn, or front and back both? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/13 "2019-06-14T17:30:02Z")
She’s going to just think one of her neighbours got tired of looking at it, and dealt with it. What sort of appreciation are you expecting, exactly? Because she now probably thinks she can just forget about it and the neighbour will eventually deal will it, zero appreciation required. Expecting appreciation, in any form including a ‘thank you’, turns this from a kindness to an attempt to create an obligation. To stroke your ego with gratitude. Looking up her address is straight up crossing a line, and when she learns that part she’ll remain always on guard around you, and rightly so. And if you’re trying to date this woman or win her affection, you’re definitely doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/14 "2019-06-14T17:34:51Z")
I guess I see the points being made. Was just trying to give a surprise to someone. I fu+\*ed up. And asked a mod to delete this thread. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/15 "2019-06-14T17:35:19Z")
I’d say you’re lucky your ass isn’t grass. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/16 "2019-06-14T17:49:53Z")
> [@LiveFree](#): > > I guess I see the points being made. Was just trying to give a surprise to someone. I fu+\*ed up. And asked a mod to delete this thread. Sounds to me like your heart was in the right place. Don’t feel too bad, but live and learn and don’t do it again. I don’t think you did anything actually illegal—maybe trespassing, but mowing somebody else’s lawn is the kind of thing neighbors occasionally do for each other without anyone getting upset, so as long as she didn’t catch you in the act and tell you to get lost, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/17 "2019-06-14T17:54:05Z")
> [@LiveFree](#): > > And asked a mod to delete this thread. Hahaha! Dude, you been here more than a minute now, you know that aint happening! ---
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/18 "2019-06-14T17:54:18Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Sounds to me like your heart was in the right place. Don’t feel too bad, but live and learn and don’t do it again. > > I don’t think you did anything actually illegal—maybe trespassing, but mowing somebody else’s lawn is the kind of thing neighbors occasionally do for each other without anyone getting upset, so as long as she didn’t catch you in the act and tell you to get lost, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Yeah, I’m now beating myself up over this. Anxiety and all. I’m NOT going to tell her that I did it. I would still like a mod to delete this. Mainly because of my username. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/19 "2019-06-14T17:56:07Z")
Would have been better if you did it when she was not home. And never mentioned it. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/20 "2019-06-14T18:02:58Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > Would have been better if you did it when she was not home. > > And never mentioned it. Still creepy. Maybe even more creepy. I know I’d be a little concerned if I came home one day and saw evidence that somebody else had been hanging out around my house doing things. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515.md?page=2)