# I did a nice gesture.....we'll see if it's appreciated or not **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 14, 2019, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515 "2019-06-14T16:54:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/221 "2019-06-20T15:32:38Z")
I love how some dude comes into that Twitter thread to explain how it feels to be viewed as a “monster” and let’s make this thread about MEEEEE and my FEELINGS and what about MEEEEE! ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/222 "2019-06-20T15:36:53Z")
Mods, I think the re-opening of this thread can now have a re-closing… ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/223 "2019-06-20T15:49:09Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > You know, this gets confusing. In some threads we are not supposed to treat women any differently at all because that is just stereotyping and archaic. Yet in some cases we are to treat women as if they are in 1588 Elizabethan England because they are delicate flowers that cannot conform to the scary people that they see in society and likely need protection from their husbands. Which is it? Neither. It’s use a “reasonable woman” standard instead of use a “reasonable man” standard. Hey, you get to use it too. Treating everybody in society exactly the same by treating everyone as if they’re able bodied neurotypical adult white straight cis Christian males didn’t work out well. We’re trying out some other variations these days. > [@UltraVires](#): > > But, to the majority of the thread, let’s have a sterile society where nobody does anything nice for someone else. Let’s always assume the worst of people and keep our distance. I mean, don’t invite the neighbors over because one of them could be a murderer for all you know. Put razor wire up around your house in case someone violates the sanctity of your yard by mowing it. I’m sure that will be better for everyone. Oh, good grief. Absolutely no one has said nobody should ever do anything nice for anyone else. What people are saying, as ought to be utterly obvious, is that you should ask first. ‘Would you like me to mow your lawn and/or to take your lawnmower in for repairs in my truck?’ Nothing in the world wrong with that. Maybe the answer will be ‘Sure, thanks!’ Maybe it’ll be ‘Thanks, but it’s OK, I’ve got this.’ (Which may mean that they’ve got it figured out otherwise, or may mean that they’re not comfortable giving you their address. Which of those it is is none of your business.) Maybe it’s ‘That would be great but first let me show you where those rare plants are, a lot of people take them for weeds but they mustn’t be mowed at this part of their growth cycle.’ > [@UltraVires](#): > > Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops? No, actually. And I was a little girl in the 1950’s. I do remember people of various ages and genders who used to like to chuck little kids under the chin. And I purely and absolutely hated it. If little kids now don’t have to put up with that crap, I’m all in favor of the change. And no, that does not translate to ‘nobody should ever touch anybody even if invited to’! ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/224 "2019-06-20T16:55:44Z")
Remember kids: the difference between “doing something nice for someone” and “grand theft and murder” may be in asking someone. [This is a lesson taught by Spongebob](https://spongebob.fandom.com/wiki/The_Lost_Mattress). ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/225 "2019-06-20T17:00:57Z")
**Moderator Warning** > [@UnwittingAmericans](#): > > Jesus, you people are as stupid as the day is long. This is an official warning for insults. If you feel a need to make comments like this, do so in the Pit, and nowhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/226 "2019-06-20T17:08:13Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > They are real people in the same situation, but are asking, at least in this thread, to be treated differently. I thought that was bad because in almost every other instance, you may not treat a woman differently lest you be accused of misogyny. No, they are not in the same situation. Being a woman is a different situation than being a man. Women are statistically at much higher risk of being the victims of violence and rape than men. > [@](#): > > There are a hell of a lot of nice people in the world who do nice things for other people, but this new attitude is killing that. Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops? Yeah, that doesn’t happen anymore because people now think those guys are child molesters. Just for being nice to a sweet little girl! Hint: they were being creepy then, too. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/227 "2019-06-20T17:58:00Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > Hint: they were being creepy then, too. The difference is they could get away with it. Ah, the good old days! ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/228 "2019-06-20T20:53:04Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > Imagine for a moment you have an acquaintance from the gym. Not a friend, just someone you sometimes talk to. You don’t invite them over. They probably don’t even know your full name. You don’t live in the same neighborhood. They don’t know where you live. > > Then, one day, you see them on your front lawn, doing you a “favor”. > > I dunno about you, but I’d call the cops, because that’s fucking scary. And I’m a 250-pound man. I can’t quite follow **UltraVires** ’s logic; in particular, I don’t see how he gets from “women want equality” to “women should be nice to creepy randos.” What I _think_ he’s saying is that women should “man up” and stop being afraid of creepy randos, because HE isn’t afraid of them, and would be thrilled to pieces if someone mowed his lawn for free. Well, I’m male, and I’m here to tell you that I would be _completely freaked out_ if I was on the receiving end of **LiveFree** ’s little “favor,” even if the gender was reversed and the lawn-mowing was done by a female. Would I call the cops? Arguably that’s the smarter move, but my typical response in tense situations is to de-escalate and smooth things over. I’d manage a “thank you,” because one thing I’ve learned about people who pull stunts like this is that they want gratitude—lots of it. And if they don’t get it, they’re going be VERY displeased, because they went to a _lot of trouble_ for you. Then I’d say that their selflessness and generosity has inspired me to step up and do my own yardwork from now on. Then I’d do everything possible to avoid them in the future, including switching gyms. Or maybe I’ll just drop gym entirely. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/229 "2019-06-20T21:07:00Z")
> [@BeeGee](#): > > There, there. (pat, pat) Have a lollipop. > > I hate to burst UV’s Leave it to Beaver bubble, but little girls throughout time have hated having their heads patted and being bought off with candy. Speaking of _Leave it to Beaver_, the Beav and Gilbert tried [mowing someone’s lawn without asking first](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0630175/). Spoiler alert: it does NOT go well. (To be fair, it was Eddie Haskell’s idea.) ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/230 "2019-06-20T22:07:43Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > Hint: they were being creepy then, too. When I was in high school in the late 1980s there was this retired principal who would occasionally visit. He was a very cheerful old fellow who _loved_ the high school girls, and insisted on hugging all of them. They would line up to hug him. At the time, I thought that the old perv had a nice scam going, but he got away with it even though for students the school had rules against things like kissing, hugging and holding hands. A few years after I graduated he, his wife, and two of their friends were killed in a wreck while crossing a certain bridge. [They named the bridge after him](https://www.scstatehouse.gov/sess112_1997-1998/bills/348.htm). I sometimes think about how the old creep would have been treated differently if he were pulling that shit today. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/231 "2019-06-21T00:09:17Z")
> [@Barbarian](#): > > Finding out where someone lives in this day and age is dead easy. > > There’s some guy who comes around my neighbourhood selling frozen products door-to-door. This week I accidentally learned his full name and address because he made a comment on social media. You should do something nice for him - since he sells frozen products, surely he would benefit from someone dropping by his house and performing routine maintenance on his freezers. Heck, maybe you do freezer maintenance for a living and have maintained 25,000 freezers, so it’s no trouble at all for you. Since your intentions would be good, no need to bother him by asking about it, just go ahead and do it and it’ll be a nice surprise. Don’t let anyone else tell you different - they’re just oversensitive snowflakes who forget how people back in the 1950s used to maintain each other’s freezers all the time and nobody kicked up a fuss. ---
**Author:** ![bubba001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f17d59/32.png) [@bubba001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba001)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/232 "2019-06-21T02:21:02Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > I’m not voting either way – I’m not creeped out, and if I wanted my lawn mowed badly enough to be thankful for it, I would have got the lawn mowed. > > FWIW, I, like the father of one of my friends, found that when I looked sufficiently old and derelict, young women didn’t treat me with suspicion and disdain. As long as they think that you think that you have a chance, they are gonna be creeped out by _anything_ you do. I suggest that you just accept that and get on with your life. If that includes mowing lawns, go ahead and do it. Expect to be treated with suspicion. Don’t expect to be thanked. > > Moving slightly away from the creepy/stalker note, Americans are known in general to be uncomfortable with social debt. If you’re the kind of person who wants to do things for people, that’s not going to work. You need to find a way to balance what you do with what they can do for you. > > One of my friends actually did do yard work for his friends and co-workers. He had an open invitation: will work for food. If you’ve got something that needs doing, like moving, or digging, or mowing, he’d spend the day or afternoon doing it in exchange for a family dinner. I’ve got a friend, he is 73, and in poor health. He and I go to lunch occasionally. He knows all the waitresses in the restaurants in town, (small town) and has many of their phone numbers. He is on Facebook with them daily. If I asked for their number, they’d freak out. He tells me being considered safe is a good part of being old. ---
**Author:** ![bubba001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f17d59/32.png) [@bubba001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba001)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/233 "2019-06-21T02:25:09Z")
Now if the Swedish bikini team wants to mow my lawn, I won’t freak out. If three finger John from the bar does it, I’m going to get my gun. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/234 "2019-06-21T03:30:15Z")
> [@bubba001](#): > > Now if the Swedish bikini team wants to mow my lawn, I won’t freak out. If three finger John from the bar does it, I’m going to get my gun. Perhaps intentionally apt username/post combination. ---
**Author:** ![TSBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@TSBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TSBG)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/235 "2019-06-21T04:38:18Z")
Honestly, what more do you need to know about **UltraVires** than his username? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/236 "2019-06-21T05:21:00Z")
Got no use for boundaries Got no use for locks, so when you least expect it, I’ll come and mow your box. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/237 "2019-06-21T23:58:15Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > I, like the father of one of my friends, found that when I looked sufficiently old and derelict, young women didn’t treat me with suspicion and disdain. As long as they think that you think that you have a chance, they are gonna be creeped out by _anything_ you do. This is a _really_ insightful observation. At least third-level metacognition. Maybe fourth, because you are observing them observing you observing them? I wonder if psychologists have studied this. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515.md?page=11)