# I did a nice gesture.....we'll see if it's appreciated or not **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 14, 2019, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515 "2019-06-14T16:54:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/41 "2019-06-14T23:20:40Z")
It’s tone deaf because it’s crossing boundaries many people feel strongly about. I wouldn’t like people looking up my address like that. I prefer my privacy. > [@harmonicamoon](#): > > Believe me, it is an honor to be in this group. Which group? The one whose members feel its necessary to belittle others for having different view of life? ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/42 "2019-06-15T00:32:37Z")
IMHO your best bet is to confess to the woman that you are the mystery mower and apologize your ass off. Explain that your intentions were good but you didn’t think about the creepiness factor until your friends pointed it out. Don’t mention how you got her address unless she asks. If she asks, tell the truth and apologize more. To summarize: truth, apologize. Make it clear that you know you’re a dumb ass. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/43 "2019-06-15T00:50:46Z")
I notice that the OP doesn’t mention that the woman was not at home while he mowed the lawn. So I can only picture her cowering inside, frantically whispering into the phone, asking when the hell the police are going to arrive. Maybe twenty minutes later there she is giving a statement, “Yes officer, he looked familiar. I just can’t recall where I have seen him before.” ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/44 "2019-06-15T00:55:41Z")
I would very much advise against confessing. Right now, she has probably convinced herself that someone in the neighborhood was just being helpful. Let her keep believing this. The OP might feel better apologizing, but then he’s putting her in the awkward position of having to show both gratitude AND forgiveness, in addition to feeling weirded-out. And having to relive those feelings every time sees him at the gym? No, just no. This was a faux pas for sure, but not all faux pas require a confession and an apology. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/45 "2019-06-15T01:21:40Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I would very much advise against confessing. Right now, she has probably convinced herself that someone in the neighborhood was just being helpful. Let her keep believing this. The OP might feel better apologizing, but then he’s putting her in the awkward position of having to show both gratitude AND forgiveness, in addition to feeling weirded-out. And having to relive those feelings every time sees him at the gym? No, just no. > > This was a faux pas for sure, but not all faux pas require a confession and an apology. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/46 "2019-06-15T03:05:52Z")
Dude, you shouldn’t have done it. But, you did. Live with whatever consequences you receive. Leave the lady alone. If she asks you about it, own up and apologize, profusely. Creepy, creepy and bad. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/47 "2019-06-15T03:18:38Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > It’s tone deaf because it’s crossing boundaries many people feel strongly about. > > I wouldn’t like people looking up my address like that. I prefer my privacy. > Which group? The one whose members feel its necessary to belittle others for having different view of life? Belittle? You need to reread the post. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/48 "2019-06-15T05:19:20Z")
OP, just curious, but would you have done the same thing if the acquaintance was a man? Somehow I have a hard to believe that you would go to the trouble of consulting tax records (creepy) for someone for whom you only knew their last name because you overheard it (creepy) if the person was a man. You’ve made it clear that you get it and I don’t mean to pile on, but it’s patronizing to show up and fix this problem for someone you barely know and I doubt you would have been that patronizing to another man. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/49 "2019-06-15T06:05:40Z")
I’m not voting either way – I’m not creeped out, and if I wanted my lawn mowed badly enough to be thankful for it, I would have got the lawn mowed. FWIW, I, like the father of one of my friends, found that when I looked sufficiently old and derelict, young women didn’t treat me with suspicion and disdain. As long as they think that you think that you have a chance, they are gonna be creeped out by _anything_ you do. I suggest that you just accept that and get on with your life. If that includes mowing lawns, go ahead and do it. Expect to be treated with suspicion. Don’t expect to be thanked. Moving slightly away from the creepy/stalker note, Americans are known in general to be uncomfortable with social debt. If you’re the kind of person who wants to do things for people, that’s not going to work. You need to find a way to balance what you do with what they can do for you. One of my friends actually did do yard work for his friends and co-workers. He had an open invitation: will work for food. If you’ve got something that needs doing, like moving, or digging, or mowing, he’d spend the day or afternoon doing it in exchange for a family dinner. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/50 "2019-06-15T06:50:41Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > Belittle? You need to reread the post. Oh, I never realized that “But then, thankfully I don’t live in their world.” is a compliment. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/51 "2019-06-15T06:51:19Z")
Wondered if this was say guy and yep! Check out this other thread by the OP before you vote: **I’m not a stalker** [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=855913](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=855913) OP, cut it out! You’re going to get a faceful of fist at best, dead at worst! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/52 "2019-06-15T07:00:12Z")
There’s also this thread: **Changing a tire on a locked car…Alarm question** [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=868970](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=868970) 😕 ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/53 "2019-06-15T08:51:31Z")
All three of these events actually occurring sure seem unlikely. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/54 "2019-06-15T10:50:14Z")
His gym is a good deal more interactive than mine. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/55 "2019-06-15T12:52:12Z")
You’ve established a pattern of not respecting people’s boundaries. And those are merely the times we know about. One of these days you’re gonna wind up behind bars… and/or with a broken nose… or worse. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/56 "2019-06-15T13:50:17Z")
The OP should make it up to this woman by [breaking into her home when she’s not there and cleaning up the place](https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/23/us/home-cleaned-by-stranger-while-he-was-at-work-trnd/index.html). Don’t forget the toilet paper roses. One time we were living in a rented house with OCD neighbors. Came home one day to find the creepy female half\* raking the few leaves scattered on our front lawn, to “prevent them from blowing over into our yard”. We did not take kindly to this. \*the same woman was caught “picking up trash” under our bedroom window. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/57 "2019-06-15T14:00:51Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > His gym is a good deal more interactive than mine. You just need to spend more time looking up tax assessment records. Consider it part of your work out. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/58 "2019-06-15T15:37:21Z")
I say it was a nice gesture, a random act of kindness and you should not be run over hot coals for it either. But next time give a girl a heads up and ask if it’s okay. Though good luck with that too as even asking something like that may put her on the defensive as she tries to quickly figure the pros and cons of agreeing to a favor by an gym acquaintance. I use public records on a whim, i’m a little curious okay nosey like that and won’t apologize for it either. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/59 "2019-06-15T15:41:26Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > One time we were living in a rented house with OCD neighbors. Came home one day to find the creepy female half\* raking the few leaves scattered on our front lawn, to “prevent them from blowing over into our yard”. We did not take kindly to this. I think that is much different. The neighbor lady was not being nice by raking your leaves. She was being a passive aggressive bitch and insulting you by saying that you didn’t keep your yard tidy. That is much different than doing someone a favor. ---
**Author:** ![shh1313](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shh1313/32/8020_2.png) [@shh1313](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shh1313)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/60 "2019-06-15T15:49:24Z")
I’m a woman and if someone mowed my yard I would not be creeped out but greatful and I’d wonder who the thoughtful soul was that did it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515.md?page=4)