# I did a nice gesture.....we'll see if it's appreciated or not **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 14, 2019, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515 "2019-06-14T16:54:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/141 "2019-06-17T11:50:03Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > You’d think some people would be thinking about the ten year anniversary of the death of Rebecca Schaeffer, who was murdered by a stalker who looked up her address using public records and then showed up at her house and shot her. She was shot 30 years ago, in 1989. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/142 "2019-06-17T11:51:06Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Seriously? After that previous thread where plenty of people said that it was creepy to look up people online? > > You are still doing it? > > This one woman may not have cared. (If the story is being accurately reported.) > > That doesn’t change the fact that there are plenty of people who would find it creepy. > > What else is it going to take? Restraining orders. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/143 "2019-06-17T11:57:41Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > She was shot 30 years ago, in 1989. Yes. So twenty years ago, it would have been the ten year anniversary of her death. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/144 "2019-06-17T15:42:36Z")
I voted “Thankful,” but I can easily see how it would creep some people out. You have to make a reasoned judgment about your (limited) relationship with the person and his or her personality before you do an unsolicited favor like this, as I’m sure you did. ---
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/145 "2019-06-17T15:54:29Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I voted “Thankful,” but I can easily see how it would creep some people out. You have to make a reasoned judgment about your (limited) relationship with the person and his or her personality before you do an unsolicited favor like this, as I’m sure you did. I did. I felt that we were knew each other enough that it would “probably” be alright. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/146 "2019-06-17T16:19:04Z")
> [@LiveFree](#): > > Yeah, I’m now beating myself up over this. Anxiety and all. I’m NOT going to tell her that I did it. > > I would still like a mod to delete this. Mainly because of my username. > [@LiveFree](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > It’s basically rape. > > Ding, ding, ding…we have the best reply yet??? :rolleyes: I’m disturbed that you still don’t get it. You seem to think this was a faux pas on the level of chewing with your mouth open-- embarrassing for you, but not threatening to her. You’re mocking a caricature of women who are afraid of being stalked, raped, and murdered, when this is an entirely rational fear. And apparently you’ve done this kind of thing before, and had this explained to you before, and you not only still refuse to hear it but roll your eyes at us. Which is the sort of response that merits more caution by the women around you, not less. [https://victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/past-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-information/stalking-statistics](https://victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/past-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-information/stalking-statistics) > **[Sexual Assault and Stalking](https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/statistics/sexual-assault-and-stalking)** > > Numerous important facts and statistics related to sexual assault and stalking related to domestic violence, including source citations. [http://vpc.org/press/more-than-1800-women-murdered-by-men-in-one-year-new-study-finds/](http://vpc.org/press/more-than-1800-women-murdered-by-men-in-one-year-new-study-finds/) ---
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/147 "2019-06-17T16:50:23Z")
You blew that way out of proportion, and I don’t appreciate how you re-edited the quote from someone else to make it seem like I made the rape comment. I need not read any of those links. Go ahead and bash me more. My wife, who obviously knows me to the core, even said… sure you should have called first, but these people don’t know the good person that I am. I don’t harm people, nor do I intimidate, harass. People who actually know me, know I have good intentions in this world of ours. Continue on. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/148 "2019-06-17T16:58:04Z")
> [@LiveFree](#): > > People who actually know me, know I have good intentions in this world of ours. Then why do you repeatedly ask random strangers on the board if they think your actions were creepy? Do you care what we think? BTW, if you know a person well then lots of actions are just fine. If you don’t know someone to the point where you need to look up where they live instead of asking them then a lot of actions can come across as exceedingly creepy to the point of stalking. If you’re going to create threads without supplying the necessary context then people will think your actions are creepy. You obviously recognize the danger or you wouldn’t keep starting threads like this asking if you’ve gone over the line. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/149 "2019-06-17T20:14:40Z")
> [@LiveFree](#): > > these people don’t know the good person that I am. I don’t harm people, nor do I intimidate, harass. People who actually know me, know I have good intentions in this world of ours. Continue on. It’s perfectly possible to intimidate people without intending to do so. And there’s a saying about the road that’s paved by good intentions. Try looking where you’re going, not just inside yourself at your intentions. ---
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/150 "2019-06-17T20:52:43Z")
I hear you on that. Not sure this is quite what you mean, but I truly try to be a good person. Because that in itself makes the world a better place. You surround yourself with good people and it’s contagious. Yes, I got lucky this lady friend didn’t get upset at me. Maybe she knows me well enough to know she doesn’t have to. Lesson learned about this situation. on edit - - be more mindful of the other person… ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/151 "2019-06-17T21:50:20Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > Restraining orders. Those can only be issued upon reasonable fear of violence. How does a guy doing a good deed of mowing your lawn fit anywhere near that? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/152 "2019-06-17T21:59:36Z")
From [here](https://www.courts.ca.gov/1260.htm): “A restraining order (also called a ‘protective order’) is a court order that can protect someone from being physically or sexually abused, threatened, stalked, or harassed. The person getting the restraining order is called the ‘protected person.’ The person the restraining order is against is the ‘restrained person.’ Sometimes, restraining orders include other ‘protected persons’ like family or household members of the protected person.” ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/153 "2019-06-17T21:59:37Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Those can only be issued upon reasonable fear of violence. How does a guy doing a good deed of mowing your lawn fit anywhere near that? You have trouble understanding the experiences of people different from yourself, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/154 "2019-06-17T22:07:02Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Those can only be issued upon reasonable fear of violence. How does a guy doing a good deed of mowing your lawn fit anywhere near that? How would you react to having some near rando suddenly trespassing on your property? Isn’t this exactly the scenario that people buy guns for? ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/155 "2019-06-17T22:53:38Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > How would you react to having some near rando suddenly trespassing on your property? Isn’t this exactly the scenario that people buy guns for? Maybe this is why we have people arguing against legal gun ownership. Because some people want to shoot those who generously mow their lawns. Do you really think you could legally shoot someone for nicely mowing your lawn? ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/156 "2019-06-17T22:54:42Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > From [here](https://www.courts.ca.gov/1260.htm): “A restraining order (also called a ‘protective order’) is a court order that can protect someone from being physically or sexually abused, threatened, stalked, or harassed. The person getting the restraining order is called the ‘protected person.’ The person the restraining order is against is the ‘restrained person.’ Sometimes, restraining orders include other ‘protected persons’ like family or household members of the protected person.” And someone who mows your grass for you does which of those? ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/157 "2019-06-17T23:04:15Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > You have trouble understanding the experiences of people different from yourself, don’t you? Only when those people don’t have a penis. Then their experiences don’t really count. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/158 "2019-06-17T23:13:55Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Maybe this is why we have people arguing against legal gun ownership. Because some people want to shoot those who generously mow their lawns. > > Do you really think you could legally shoot someone for nicely mowing your lawn? You seem to be assuming that you know for sure that’s why said semi rando is there. The point is that you dont know and you cant know on that instant they show up. And until you give the ok for them to mow the lawn, they are trespassing. You’re the lawyer, what’s your rights re:trespassers? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/159 "2019-06-17T23:19:58Z")
Furthermore, does it legally matter if a trespasser is there to be nice? Can I start asking sales people who ring the bell to do landscaping to prove their intentions? ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515/160 "2019-06-17T23:41:35Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > And someone who mows your grass for you does which of those? “Hi I’m Sue & my lawnmower is broken.” & then you suddenly show up at my house & mow my lawn, when I never told you my last name or address. I’d certainly feel stalked & threatened. I think ‘Sue’ can be concerned what Mr. Mower is going to do if she don’t thank him enough/properly? What’s next; if she goes to the gym in the morning & says she doesn’t know what to have for dinner will she come home from work to a fancy candlelit meal for two on fine china in her dining room? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-a-nice-gesture-well-see-if-its-appreciated-or-not/835515.md?page=9)