# I did not know this was a thing - Should married women get a "wife bonus" for keeping hubby happy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639 "2015-06-04T16:17:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/1 "2015-06-04T16:17:51Z")
Interesting concept. The high earner hubbies have internalized their “bonus” oriented pay structure to their marriages. If a stay at home wife/mother is doing a good job is a monetary bonus a good reward? [Why I let my husband pay me a “wife bonus”](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/11624583/Why-I-let-me-husband-pay-me-a-wife-bonus.html) > [@](#): > > As a new book reveals the controversial trend for women to be awarded annual cash rewards by their husbands, one recipient argues that her payment makes her MORE of a feminist > [@](#): > > But while the Park Avenue Primates under discussion have been pilloried for supposedly receiving a cash reward based on how well they’ve balanced the domestic books, enhanced their husbands’ careers by networking adeptly and aggressively, and kept them satisfied socially and sexually, I believe that receiving a bonus for being a good wife is nothing to be ashamed of. Rather than being a depressing step back for feminism, I’m proud that my husband appreciates that, at the age of 32, by staying at home with our 19-month-old daughter, I’m working just as hard as he is, and is prepared to put his money where his mouth is. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/2 "2015-06-04T16:36:42Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m part of a tribe of women uncovered by social researcher Wednesday Martin […], who, while not going out to work in an office or for a company, still receive a bonus from their husband at the end of the financial year as a sign of appreciation for services rendered. Back in my day, we called those “Christmas presents”. ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/3 "2015-06-04T16:38:00Z")
Wouldn’t the feminist approach be to meter her own output based on the quantity of cash received. “Sorry hubby, my bonus was too small this year, I’m only fucking you once a month until you can pony up some more cash.” But seriously, based on the end of that article, this doesn’t sound like a “performance bonus” at all, in that the quantity is determined solely by the husband’s income and not by the performance of the wife. She’s just getting a cut of his income, which seems like a completely normal thing for all couples to do, except someone wanted to sell books so they rebranded a conventional practice as “wifely bonuses” and here were are talking about it. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/4 "2015-06-04T16:58:15Z")
That’s fucking stupid. You’re married. So technically, all your income and assets gets pooled together anyway. How each couple decides to allocate their disposable income is their business. If the agreement is that she (or he) isn’t working, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving her (or him) some portion after all the bills have been paid an allowance so she has spending money for shoes or lunch or whatever. But calling it a “performance bonus” seems a bit demeaning. So let’s look at this from the opposite end (from a male perspective). Right now, I’m not working, which technically makes me a stay at home dad. Ignoring the fact that we have a nanny who comes in a few days a week so I can job hunt and go on interviews, my “job” is basically spending all day taking care of the baby and straightening up the house. If I told my wife who gets up at 6 am and works all day at a job she hates that I deserve a “bonus”, she would fucking kill me in my sleep. My “bonus” is that I don’t have to be at fucking work! My “bonus” is that we get to keep our expensive condo. My “bonus” is that while she’s at work, me and some of my similarly unemployed buddies are at a Yankees game in the middle of the afternoon. So sorry ladies. I’m calling bullshit, based on personal experience. In absolutely no way is staying at home, playing with a baby, going on walks in the park and drinking wine with your girlfriends as difficult or stressful as an actual high-powered job working 10+ hours a day as an investment banker, lawyer, consultant or corporate executive. Your bonus is that you get to share in the lifestyle his (or her) elevated salary collectively provides you as a family. Besides, what’s stopping both parents from working similar jobs and getting a nanny or daycare like millions of other parents? ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/5 "2015-06-04T16:58:27Z")
The wife already owns half of everything including any bonuses awarded to individuals in the marriage. Any disgruntled divorcee can tell you that. This is really just some fluff about how one couple distributes the wealth that is owned by both of them. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/6 "2015-06-04T17:02:11Z")
[Housewife charged in sex for security scam](http://www.theonion.com/article/housewife-charged-in-sex-for-security-scam-1773) > [@The Onion](#): > > \*\*AKRON, OH—\*\*Area resident Helen Crandall, 44, was arrested by Akron police Sunday, charged with conducting an elaborate “sex for security” scam in which she allegedly defrauded husband Russell Crandall out of nearly $230,000 in cash, food, clothing and housing over the past 19 years using periodic offers of sexual intercourse. > > “It’s the biggest scam of its kind I’ve ever seen,” Akron police chief Thomas Agee said. “We’re talking coats, dishwashers, jewelry, sewing machines, bathroom cleansers—you name it.” > > According to Agee, undercover agents spotted Crandall’s husband handing her $50 in cash at approximately 4 p.m., just 30 minutes after the two had sex. Crandall then drove off in her car, returning home two hours later with five bags of groceries. > > “That’s when we made the arrest,” Agee said. “After tracking her for years, we finally had proof that she was buying all those goods with dirty money.” The idea of a breadwinner paying his/her stay-at-home spouse seems pretty sad to me. I make an effort to ensure my wife’s happiness because her happiness is important to me in its own right, not because it’ll net me an extra $100 somewhere down the line. Limiting the distribution of spending money because a household budget needs to be followed is understandable and sometimes necessary - but giving performance-based pay to your spouse reduces a marriage to a cold business relationship between a man and his escort/housekeeper/nanny. ---
**Author:** ![Ze\_Pr0fes0re](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8dc957/32.png) [@Ze\_Pr0fes0re](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ze_Pr0fes0re)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/7 "2015-06-04T17:03:35Z")
Sugar Girls already exist. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/8 "2015-06-04T17:07:05Z")
Little Sally walked in on her parents one night and the next morning her mom had to explain to Sally what she had seen… “… so, that’s where babies come from.” Sally asked, “So what about the night before, when you had your head in daddy’s lap?” “That’s where jewelry comes from.” ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/9 "2015-06-04T17:08:03Z")
Already a [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=758017&highlight=bonus). ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/10 "2015-06-04T17:08:11Z")
Wife bonus?? Really? Silly me - I thought marriage was a partnership, two become one and all that stuff. It’s not a business arrangement (at least my marriage isn’t.) In the last almost 32 years, there have been times when I earned more than my husband, times what he earned more than I did, times when he was not working (school or between jobs) and now it’s time for me not to work (retirement.) We still share our money, our chores, and our decisions. The thought of either of us paying a bonus to the other is ludicrous. Some peoples is weird… ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/11 "2015-06-04T17:17:27Z")
Let me summarize the article: “I’m a feminist and get bitchy when I don’t have an axe to grind. So when my husband and I sat down to put together an ordinary household budget - the kind that every household known to man has always had - I found a way to make it into a political statement.” ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/12 "2015-06-04T17:42:58Z")
I’m pretty sure that the “Primates of Park Avenue” represent trends in marriage about as much as fashion shows represent what people actually wear. Why get worked up about what NYC millionaires are doing with their wives? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/13 "2015-06-04T18:00:52Z")
So, it’s really nothing more than prostitution? ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/14 "2015-06-04T18:38:30Z")
Now we just need to find a woman striking a blow for feminism by getting paid by her husband to wear a leash and collar at the mall. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/15 "2015-06-04T19:12:59Z")
If the folks the article is talking about are fat-cat enough that pre-nups are just another part of the game, then a lot of our middle-class expectations about equal partnerships, community property, etc. are misplaced. For folks like that, all of life is simply a business transaction. Some activities may have a lot of other interests mixed in, but absolutely everything all the time is measured in dollars and dollars are always a part of every decision and every action. Down here at the level of us proles, … We’ve certainly had threads and threads about “allowances”, wherein the household budget, be it formal or informal, includes some money allocated to one or another or both spouses for totally individual discretionary spending. IOW, \*our \*money buys the groceries and pays the rent, and here’s \*your \*$50 of fun money and here’s \*my \*$50 of fun money. We’ll meet back up at the end of the month to compare receipts & divvy next month’s money. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/16 "2015-06-04T19:25:44Z")
A while back someone invented “push presents” for women having a baby. Don’t think that really caught on. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/17 "2015-06-04T19:36:56Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > So, it’s really nothing more than prostitution? Not really. Hookers have the common courtesy to _leave_ after you pay them. ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/18 "2015-06-04T20:51:43Z")
Crap I didn’t know I was supposed to tip the wife! No one told me! And she definitely wasn’t going to tell me! This explains EVERYTHING! ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-did-not-know-this-was-a-thing-should-married-women-get-a-wife-bonus-for-keeping-hubby-happy/721639/19 "2015-06-04T22:03:35Z")
In our business there’s a saying: You can avoid a lot of heartburn by just finding some chick you hate & buying her a house. Costs the same in the long run as getting married but there’s lots less hassles along the way. Pretty horrifying attitude really. Fortunately that hasn’t been my personal experience.