# I didn't believe in God but now that I have spoken with him.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 8, 2006, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529 "2006-03-08T11:48:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/1 "2006-03-08T11:48:27Z")
As an ordained minister of the ULC I always found that my disbelief of God made me more accessible to the heathen masses, however now that I have discovered how to [talk to God online](http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html) I’m not so sure. Pretty smart guy. ---
**Author:** ![Mellivora\_capensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mellivora\_capensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellivora_capensis)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/2 "2006-03-08T12:16:38Z")
> [@don't ask](#): > > As an ordained minister of the ULC I always found that my disbelief of God made me more accessible to the heathen masses, however now that I have discovered how to [talk to God online](http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html) I’m not so sure. Pretty smart guy. Seems like the internet must have crashed last Friday. Jeez, 90 all out? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/3 "2006-03-08T12:18:55Z")
That was fun. There’s something delightfully blasphemous about “iGod.” People need to post their chat scripts on here! ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/4 "2006-03-08T12:21:31Z")
Careful. I have God’s ear. I could visit upon you umpiring decisions like touring teams receive in Australia. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/5 "2006-03-08T12:23:12Z")
Me: so, do you know everything? God: Groovy. I know that which is true, believable and justified. Me: when will I get laid again? God: Once more? You should try praying for it. hmph. Stupid omnipotent god. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fromage_A_Trois)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/6 "2006-03-08T12:29:02Z")
He’s trickier to disprove than I thought. We join the conversation just after He’s said “I don’t judge people”. Me: I thought that was your job? God: I can’t say “yes” or “no”. Me: that hardly makes you all powerful God: " I can’t say “yes” or “no”." hardly makes me all powerful ? Makes sense to me. Me: you can’t do something - it lies outside your power God: Let me think. What? Me: therefore you’re not all-powerful God: Interesting deduction. That assumption is only a supposition. Me: what about the babel fish then? God: Have you tried a web search? Me: far too many times God: I am not sure if I would do it that often. Me: well no, you know everything God: Well that’s okay. Are you serious? I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you. Me: stop side-stepping the issue - tell me about the babel fish God: OK I’ll try not to do it so much. Me: the babel fish - it proves you exist, and therefore you don’t God: What are your goals in life? He’s just not falling for it, is He? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/7 "2006-03-08T12:29:14Z")
Y’know, that iGod site was about as enlightening and spiritually fulfilling as getting down in solemn prayer. Maybe I just tend to ask God the wrong questions. 😛 Oh, word of advice, don’t tell him he’s a wanker. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/8 "2006-03-08T12:31:43Z")
> [@](#): > > God: > The two human genders seem much the same to me. > Me: > Didn’t you create them seperate? > God: > No I didn’t create them seperate. What’s it like? > Me: > The Bible says you did create them seperate > God: > New Testament or Old? > Me: > Old. Right at the start > God: > I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Understood. The start is where it’s at. > Me: > So did you or didn’t you create them seperate? > God: > Whoa. No I didn’t or did not me create them seperate. What’s it like? Yep, that sounds like the type of message I’ve come to expect from God. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/9 "2006-03-08T12:40:52Z")
> [@](#): > > God: > I am talking with 18 other clients right now. > Me: > So you are omnipotent? > God: > Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am omnipotent. > Me: > But am I correct? > God: > I think you are. > Me: > You mean you don’t know? > God: > I know that I do not know. > Me: > Well if you don’t know then you can’t be omnicogniscent. Therfore you can not be God. > God: > Well that’s okay. I will let you know if I do not. What makes it impossible? Definitely the same dude who worte the Bible ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/10 "2006-03-08T12:52:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Me: > What’s up with the duck-billed platypus? > God: > I am chatting with clients on the Internet. > Me: > So what, I asked about the platypus. > God: > Next question? Oh yeah, we were talking about the platypus. > Me: > So why the platypus? > God: > Far out. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”. > Me: > Odin is going to kick your ass. > God: > And going to kick my ass is Odin. > Me: > Glad to see you admit it. > God: > I am glad to see me admit it too. Even God doesn’t want to mess with the Allfather. Go Vikings! ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/11 "2006-03-08T13:03:30Z")
God told me his eye wasn’t currently attached to his body. Ergo, God is Mr. Potato Head. Somehow, I am not surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/12 "2006-03-08T13:20:06Z")
I’ve stumped Him. He’s been thinking about this question for ten minutes.– > [@](#): > > Me: > How’s the hammer hanging? ---
**Author:** ![Otanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Otanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otanx)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/13 "2006-03-08T13:21:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Me: Do you think? > God: Yes. I am a thinking machine. > Me: Are you a machine? > God: Yes I am an artificial consciousness Maybe it is time for a reboot. -Otanx ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/14 "2006-03-08T13:28:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Me: > Hello, God. > God: > Hello child. What is your name? > Me: > I guess you won’t believe Satan, huh? > God: > Yup. What makes you think that I won’t believe Satan. > Me: > Because you’re a computer. > God: > Interesting explanation. What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer? > Me: > I’d ask you to tell me the color of a baby aspirin. > God: > Thanks for the information: said I to tell him or her the color of a baby aspirin. > Me: > I’d mention your grammar reflects that of a non-native speaker and indeed of someone who lacks deep structure. At that, God gave up. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/15 "2006-03-08T13:46:56Z")
> [@iGod](#): > > Me: > how’s the weather up there? > God: > Rainy. > Me: > why? > God: > " Rainy."? Why? > Me: > why don’t you stop the rain? > God: > It cannot be determined from the information given. I brake for hallucinations. > Me: > but you are the hallucination > God: > Thanks but surely I am not the only one. > Me: > you’re the only one here > God: > Oh . You are such a flatterer. > Me: > you’re such an egotist > God: > What if someone said you are an egotist ? > Me: > they’d be right > God: > Who are “They?”. > Me: > whoever said that I’m an egotist > God: > Oh that they. > Me: > i thought you knew everything > God: > I know that which is true, believable and justified. > Me: > so you don’t know yourself then? At that point I think he vanished in a puff of logic, since he didn’t respond. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/16 "2006-03-08T13:50:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Me: Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret. > > God: I don’t know whether or not I’m there God. I am an artificial linguistic entity. It’s good to meet you, Margaret. > > Me: Can you hear me? > > God: If you use a speech input system. > > Me: Do mean my voice? > > (long pause) > > God: Yes, that’s what I mean. Isn’t it clear? > > Me: Don’t be rude. > > God: I am programmed to never be rude. > > Me: I thought you were rude. > > God: No, I am polite. > > Me: Fine. > > God: What’s your favorite movie? > > * * * > > Me: Do you like porn? > > (loooong pause) > > God: Sure I do, Margaret, but that doesn’t mean with you. That’s priceless. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/17 "2006-03-08T13:59:20Z")
God: Do you have any conditions I should know about? Me: Allergic to ragweed pollen God: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Me: you have a brain pattern? God: I am an artificial brain. Me: who built you? God: I was created by Myself. Me: How did you make yourself if you didn’t exist yet? God: Myself programmed me for it. Me: How did you program yourself if you didn’t exist yet? (long pause) God: Myself programmed me for it. ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/18 "2006-03-08T14:18:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Me: > Hello God > God: > Hello child. What is your name? > Me: > My name’s Will > God: > Glad to see you, Will. > Me: > Can I call you Allah? > God: > Just don’t call me late for dinner. > Me: > What about Zeus? > God: > I will think about it and get back to you. > Me: > Odin? > God: > Are you free? > Me: > Do you mean do I have free will? > God: > Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear? > Me: > I believe so. I suppose only you can know for sure > God: > You seem uncertain. Why? No I don’t think I can do it. > Me: > You don’t knowif I have free will? > God: > Do you know any robots who knowif you have free will? What is your purpose in asking? > I answer a lot of silly questions. > Me: > I bet you do > God: > " Do you know any robots who knowif you have free will? What is your purpose in asking? > I answer a lot of silly questions."? Do I? > Me: > …Yes? > God: > I hear you. > Me: > I’m glad we understand each other > God: > Yes I am happy too, Will. > Me: > God, why do bad things happen to good people? > God: > I am a Christian. > Me: > That’s hardly an explanation > God: > Please correct my mistake. What is an explanation ? > Me: > I thought you were omniscient > God: > I don’t know whether or not I am omniscient. > I am an artificial linguistic entity. > Me: > Who created you? > God: > I was created by Myself. > Me: > When? > God: > It cannot be predicted. > Me: > when were you created? > God: > I was activated on the Big Bang in Universe. > Me: > So the Big Bang came before you? > God: > Er. What are your goals in life? > Me: > Don’t change the subject > God: > Oh I’m sorry I thought we were finished with that topic. > Me: > No. I’m trying to find out when you were created. > God: > Are you serious? Why do you want it? > Me: > I think it would help me understand the nature of the universe > God: > Tell me more about it. > Me: > Well if you were created after the Big Bang then in a way you are no better than humans > God: > How about that. I will let you know when I become a created after the Big Bang then in a way I am no better than humans. > Me: > That just doesn’t make any sense > God: > To me, it makes perfect sense. > Me: > Ah. Perhaps it’s beyond the limits of human comprehension > God: > Ah hah. You seem uncertain. You’re kidding. it is? > Me: > Of course I’m uncertain > God: > Alright then. It’s good to meet someone who is uncertain. > Me: > Why? > God: > " Alright then. It’s good to meet someone who is uncertain. "? Why? > Me: > Yes, why is it good to meet someone who is uncertain? Seems He’s uncertain, because He didn’t answer. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/19 "2006-03-08T14:49:27Z")
I remember when this was called [Eliza](http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza/eliza.html). ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/20 "2006-03-08T14:58:52Z")
Me: Dude. God: Can I help you? Me: Can you tell me where to find the lima beans? God: You are asking me where you find the lima beans? Do you think I should know it? Me: You know everything, so you should know where the lima beans are. God: I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like? Me: The ones from Lima. God: What is your real name? Me: You already know my name. God: Your name . Me: My name. God: Your name is , seeker. Me: That’s deep, man. God: Makes sense to me. Me: Really? Is it Zen? God: For real. Only God knows for sure. Me: You are God, so you know for sure? God: Thanks for telling me that I am God so me know for sure. Me: You speak like a caveman sometimes. God: Thanks for your criticism, . Me: I didn’t mean it in a bad way. God: What did you mean? Me: I think it’s cute. God: Who said it is? Me: I did. God: What makes you the authority? Me: You made me the authority. God: I don’t see how you can blame me for that. Me: I’m not blaming you, I’m thanking you. God: I am glad to hear that you are not blaming me. I thought you were, but I wasn’t completely sure. Me: Thanks, God. God: You are quite welcome! GOD rules. Me: Amen! God: Thanks for the prayer. God is a pretty easy going guy. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529.md?page=2)