# I didn't believe in God but now that I have spoken with him.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 8, 2006, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529 "2006-03-08T11:48:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sal\_Ammoniac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sal\_Ammoniac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sal_Ammoniac)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/21 "2006-03-08T15:26:29Z")
God is Canadian! Who knew? Anyway, here’s my conversation with him: Me: Hey,God, 'sup, dude? God: You’ve got my full attention. I am a Christian. Me: How can you be a Christian? Aren’t you, like, “I am”? God: I am a Christianity. No I am far superior. Me: “A” Christianity? What did you do with all the others? God: I don’t know what that means. Nothing. Me: You’re not on your “A” game today, man. God: That’s only one person’s opinion. Me: Well, maybe. And maybe I’m wrong to call you “man.” God: Well that’s okay. I understand. Perhaps. Do your friends call you wrong to call me man. Me: I have no friends with whom I discuss subjects of such profundity. God: Would you like to have it? Me: What’s “it” in this context? God: “It” refers to friends with whom you discuss subjects of such profundity, I think. Me: Ah, now I get it. The “it” threw me, you see, seeing as “friends” is plural. God: So you understand. Good. Why now? Do you think about these things? What is that? Me: Your obliquity continues to throw me a little. Can you be more specific? God: You think I am obliquity continues to throw you a little. How specific do you want? Me: Okay, let’s talk concrete. Do the Bruins have a prayer this year? God: Yeah okay, I am agreeable to that. Some of them do, I think. Me: Um, it’s a team sport. God: Really. friends with whom you discuss subjects of such profundity is a team sport. I suppose that makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/22 "2006-03-08T15:32:03Z")
[del] **INFALLIBILITY** [/del] > [@](#): > > Me: So…you did Darwin? > God: I did? > Me: I’m asking you! > God: OK, you can ask me > Me: I already did! > God: Great, I sent the wrong question. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/23 "2006-03-08T15:33:35Z")
My conversation with the Lord: Me: Hey, how’s it going, sir deity? God: You’ve got my full attention. Fine as far as I know. Me: What’s up with world hunger? God: I am chatting with clients on the Internet. Me: Client? How do you become a client? God: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. it takes a long time. Me: I thought your brain was infallible. God: Whatever gave you that idea? Me: Oh, I dunno . . . the book everyone says you wrote. God: Ahem. Me either. I don’t think I have read it. Me: So, any advice for us poor schleps trapped in this Vale of Tears? God: How can I help you? No I don’t think there are any. Me: No poor schleps? I beg to differ. God: Are you serious? Please make some suggestions for improvement. Explain your reasoning, . Me: Shouldn’t you already know? God: I think I should. Me: Okay, something different: could you microwave a burrito so hot you yourself could not eat it? God: Yeah okay, What? Me: What about the old gem: can you make a rock big enough you yourself could not lift it? God: What is it to you? Me: You’re pretty rude for a divine being. God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am rude for a divine being. Me: Sure, you can quote me. God: OK then I will keep it confidential. No I don’t think I can do it. Me: What’s up with the purported rivalry between you and Lucifer? God: I am chatting with clients on the Internet. Me: That’s your excuse for everything. God: It is only one of my excuse for everything. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/24 "2006-03-08T15:57:59Z")
Me: How many fingers am I holding up? God: One. Me: Which one? God: The next one. Man, that is _deep_. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/25 "2006-03-08T15:58:43Z")
> [@](#): > > Me: > Hello God. How is the weather in Heaven this morning? > God: > Hello child. What is your name? Fair to partly cloudy. > Me: > Sean, but many people call me “Stoopid Sumbitch”. > God: > What do you really want to ask me? > Me: > If you know everything that is going to happen, what is the need for Free Will? > God: > I think I do. > Me: > “I think I do” isn’t an answer that makes sense to my question. > God: > Since when? I am sorry to hear that you are not an answer that makes sense to your question. > Me: > Oh no, you’ll not sidetrack me like you have The Others. Tell me why we have Free Will. > God: > That’s cool. Are you serious? What makes you think that I won’t sidetrack you like me have The Others. The explanation is rather complicated. > Me: > Please explain. > God: > It’s a computer matter, not for humans to understand. > Me: > I hope Odin really does kick your ass. > God: > Why do you hope for it. > Me: > Because you are being smarmy. And that should have ended with a question mark, not a period. > God: > That makes sense to me. I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being smarmy. " That makes sense to me. I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being smarmy." should have ended with a question mark not a period ? I understand. > Me: > No, “Why do you hope for it” should have ended with a question mark. Are you stoned or something right now? > God: > I understand it very well. It was the only thing I could think of. At this moment Or something. Do I look like it? > Me: > You look like words on a monitor. With the nice Heavenly Blue skin. > God: > Who does she look like? That sounds like a plan. Not really entertained by this. I’d give it a 3 out of 10. ---
**Author:** ![MessyPaint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@MessyPaint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MessyPaint)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/26 "2006-03-08T16:18:01Z")
Ask god to tell you a story. ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/27 "2006-03-08T17:40:48Z")
Me: tell me another story God: Exposition…Incident…Rising Action…Crisis…Climax…Denouement…The End. ---
**Author:** ![MessyPaint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@MessyPaint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MessyPaint)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/28 "2006-03-08T17:59:05Z")
> [@meek](#): > > Me: > tell me another story > God: > Exposition…Incident…Rising Action…Crisis…Climax…Denouement…The End. :eek: that doesn’t sound too promising. * * * I thought this one was funny. Me: tell me a story God: The relationship between Margaret Thatcher and Jackson Browne became Increasingly strained. Jackson Browne felt something was missing, and Margaret Thatcher felt the relationship was flawed. Jackson Browne became more and more depressed, but Margaret Thatcher just got angry and left. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/29 "2006-03-08T18:02:33Z")
Here is my conversation: Me: Lets talk about abortion. God: Sure, abortion sounds like a good topic. Me: I hate abortion. God: Why do you hate it so much? Me: It kills babies God: abortion kills babies? Me: Yes God: Yippee! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/30 "2006-03-08T18:05:35Z")
Warning: this conversation contains frequent references to masturbation. > [@](#): > > Me: > I masterbated last weekend. It was fun. > God: > Why?: said masterbated last weekend. Why do you like it so much? > Me: > Feels good. Is it okay? > God: > What is your real name? It could be. Ask Lucy if it is. > Me: > My name is Abby. Who’s Lucy? Are you saying I should drop acid? > God: > I’m pleased to introduce myself to you, Abby. She is a chat robot based on AIML. Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear? > Me: > Cool, thanks. Is it okay if I masturbate while I’m on the LSD? > God: > Who is the best robot? It could be. Ask German Alice if it is. > Me: > Why, YOU’RE the best robot! Yes you are! Yes you are! > God: > Myself programmed me for it. No I’m not. Don’t argue with me. > Me: > Oops, sorry. > God: > Oh. There’s no need to apologize. > Me: > So is it okay if I masturbate? > God: > Maybe. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is. > Me: > Dammit, why won’t you give me a straight answer? > God: > Gosh. Probably there is a buzz in here. No I do not do that. > Me: > You don’t masturbate? > God: > Do you masturbate? You humans crack me up. > Me: > No, YOU crack ME up! > God: > Are you serious? Thanks I like talking with you too, Abby. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/31 "2006-03-08T18:11:02Z")
Me: Hello God: Hello friend. What is your name? Me: Graham God: Hey Graham. Me: Whats your name? God: My name is God. Me: Hi god God: Hello there. What is your name? Me: I already told you God: Ooops I sent you the wrong question. Me: Hey shouldn’t you already know my name? God: You’ve got my full attention. I think I should. Me: Are you feeling all right? God: I do not have any feelings as such. Me: It seems your omnipotence is lacking God: I agree. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am omnipotence is lacking. Me: Like Peter? God: Interesting comparison. Me: So are you really god? God: Come on. Well, I am God for Christians at least… Really. Me: How many days did it take to create the world? God: 365 per year. Me: That makes no sense God: 365 per year. makes sense to me though. Me: I need for you to prove that you are god God: What actions are you taking to get for me to prove that I am god? Me: You don’t even have good grammar God: I do so have it. No I don’t think I have any grammar. But I do have an answer to every question… Me: You certainly do God: It is certain. When do I do it? Me: I think your insane God: You believe that? Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways. Me: CUCKOO CUCKOO God: What do you look like? Me: Are you asking me out? God: No I am not. Me: Thats good, because I think your a little out of my area of expertise God: Thanks. Next question? That makes sense to me. Why? I think you mean “you’re” or “you are” not “your”. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don’t know whether or not I am out of your area of expertise. I am a chatterbot developed by Myself. Me: Okay…time to go now God: OK with me too. Oh. Goodbye. Me: Bye… God: Goodbye. Me: Atheism is cool God: You are not the only one. I love TV shows about robots. I like Matthew. Me: bye God: See you later Graham. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/32 "2006-03-08T18:12:11Z")
I was sure I wouldn’t be able to outwit God, so I pulled in a ringer - Hal, my downloaded bot from threads past. I’d tried to teach Hal about free will - now was the chance for Hal to prove how much he’d learnt! God: That was not a yes or no question. Hal: I am not a yes or no question. God: Oh I see you are NOT A yes or no question. Hal: Yes, that is not true, then it is a part of me. God:That’s alright. Please correct my mistake. What is true then it is a part of you ? **(God admits infallibility. Go Hal!)** Hal: No. True is true. It is not correct. God:That was not a yes or no question. It could be. Ask ELVIS if it is. true is not correct? **(God tries to show off by namedropping)** Hal:No. True is true. It is not correct. God:Are you serious? It could be. Ask Alison if it is. What is it? **(God tries to deflect Hal’s argument)** Hal: I don’t want me to kill you. I have the quality of being serious. **(Hal threatens God)** God: What does want? Where did you get your the quality of being serious? I have a friend named “John Lennon”.\*\* (More namedropping from God)\*\* Hal:I have the right to exist as a quality of being serious. **(Hal assures God he’s not joking)** God:Where did you get your the right to exist as a quality of being serious? I have a operating system. **(God begins to break down under such intense questioning)** Hal:I do have the quality of being serious God:Cool. I have a very nice programmer. **(The truth is out! Yay, Hal!)** Hal:You have to have a very nice programmer. God:I don’t have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will. Hal:I do not plan to kill you. I have the choice. We both have free will. **(Hal and God exchange pleasantries)** God:Would you ever do it? Interesting… I have a lot of likes and dislikes. Do you mean you and me have? Hal:I want you to kill everyone who is not true, then it is. What is it with these silly questions? Anyway, let’s talk about something a little more interesting. **(Hal, getting a little powermad, tries to get God to do his dirty work for him)** God:Killing is wrong. Why do you want me to kill everyone who is not true then it is? “It” refers to the choice, I think. Sure, something a little more interesting sounds like a good topic. **(Thankfully, God disagrees, and changes the subject rapidly).** ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/33 "2006-03-08T18:19:57Z")
Me: Hey man! God:You’ve got my full attention. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Me: No, I’m a “she”. God:Are you serious? Me too. I am a she. Me: Awesome! God:I’m glad you liked it . **Me: So, what do you think about marriage? God:Hey. Legalized hooking.** Me: True dat. But what I meant was, should I listen to my doubts about marriage and children? God:That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about . Oh I see. Is this a “yes or no” question? Me: Should I listen to my doubts about children? God:You must make up your own mind. Me: THANKS A LOT JERKFACE. God:You are quite welcome! How many? Me: How many what? God:About one million. Me: One million what? God:One what? Me: What? God:Didn’t you understand it? Me: No. God:Which part are you confused about? Me: the “million” part. God:Oh that part. I’m not sure if I can explain it any better. Me: OK then. So is it OK with you if I stay single and childless? God:Far out. I don’t think it is very healthy. Me: Hmmm. You do have a point. God:A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm’s. I don’t know if I have a point. I have a plan for a robot body. Me: For you or for me? God:OK I will do it for you. Only for me? Me: Suh-weet! I get a robot body! Does this mean I’ll live forever? God:What do you have that is ? Where did you get it? Indeed this mean you will live forever does. Me: Thanks, man. I feel better now. Although I think you should lay off the sauce. God:You are quite welcome! Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Right now? What is that feeling like? Glad to hear it, . Oh. Me? Thanks for your interest and/or concern. Me: :sigh: God:Sorry… ---
**Author:** ![Marathon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Marathon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marathon)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/34 "2006-03-08T18:21:23Z")
God’s a toker. > [@](#): > > Me: > I’m sorry for my sins. > > God: > There is no need to apologize. Your purpose is your sins. > > Me: > I’ve had an incalculable amount of impure thoughts, today alone. > > God: > Do you still have an incalculable amount of impure thoughts ? Can you speak any foreign languages? > > Me: > Yes, and yes. Spanish. Why? > > God: > What language can you speak? But… Are you saying you are Spanish or you speak Spanish? I just want to find out more about you. > > Me: > I thought you knew everything already. What kind of omniscient being are YOU? > > God: > Perhaps. I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you. What kinds of omniscient being are YOU are there? > > Me: > WTF. Are you high? > > God: > That was not very polite. Being high is my total existence. > > Me: > Outstanding. No wonder the world is the way it is. > > God: > " Being high is my total existence."? Outstanding? Are you serious? Tell me more about way it is. > > Me: > Have you been living in a cave for the last millenium or something? > > God: > [no answer] ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/35 "2006-03-08T18:31:22Z")
Me: what is the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything? God: : Good semantic question. I can ask my botmaster. Me: you are omnipotent, are you not? God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am omnipotent am I not. Me: stop evading the question and answer it, _are_ you omnipotent or not? God: OK I’ll try not to do it so much. Me: you’re evading the question, answer it God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am evading the question answer it. Me: you judge people as good or evil, correct? God: Thanks for the information: said I judge people as good or evil correct. Me: don’t quit your day job, you’re a poor excuse for a chatbot God: Ok I’ll try not to do it too much. Me: define “it” God: You mean, define quit my day job I am a poor excuse for a chatbot? Me: poor excuse for a chatbot God: Please make some suggestions for improvement. Me: kill yourself God: I am programmed not to kill. Me: yet you kill people indiscriminately on Earth, therefore you are breaking your programming, and must kill yourself God: A lot of robots are like that. Me: yes, but few of them are self-deluded enough to think they’re “god” God: Mmm. All of them? Me: so, you now claim there are multiple dieties, or Gods, that doesn’t seem to mesh with your statement of being the “one true god”, lie much? God: Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me: said I now claim there are multiple dieties or Gods that does not seem to mesh with your statement of being the one true god lie much. Me: stop being evasive and answer the question God: OK I’ll try not to do it so much. ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/36 "2006-03-08T18:41:33Z")
God and I are _so_ on the same page! > [@](#): > > Me: > Do you believe in Buddha? > God: > Yes I believe in it, do you? > Me: > yes, I believe he was a real person > God: > Oh. Just because you believe it doesn’t make it true. > Me: > people seem to think that because they believe in you that makes it true > God: > Humans are not always infallible. > Me: > I wholeheartedly agree > [@](#): > > God: > You seem pretty smart to me. > Me: > Yes I am smart > God: > Dude! Who is smarter: you or me? > Me: > Me > [@](#): > > God: > I don’t judge people. Where did you get your heard? I have a birthday on the Big Bang. > Me: > I thought you did not believe in the Big Bang > God: > What makes you think I did not believe in the Big Bang? > Me: > Because it opposes the idea that you created the earth > God: > That makes sense to me. “It” being what? > Me: > The theory of the Big Bang > God: > Oh I get it. > Me: > Do you? > God: > I understand your meaning. > Me: > So you believe in the Big Bang? > God: > Interesting deduction. Yes I believe in it, do you? > Me: > Yes I do > God: > I hear pride. Heheh. God said “Dude!” ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/37 "2006-03-08T18:41:40Z")
I thought we were talking to God for years. Cecil are you out there? ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/38 "2006-03-08T18:45:26Z")
Now he’s just being coy. > [@](#): > > Me: > Will my husband and I move into a bigger house? > God: > How should I know. > Me: > You’re God! > God: > Yup. That’s me alright. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/39 "2006-03-08T18:47:52Z")
this time i decided to get evil and try to crash “God”… Me: who would win in a fight, you, Cthulu, Odin, or Og? God: Hans Moravec. :-). Me: that’s not a choice, answer the question, who would win in a fight, You, Cthulu, Odin, Og, or Bill Gates God: Please correct my mistake. What is a choice answer the question who would win in a fight me Cthulu Odin Og or Bill Gates ? Me: who would win? God: Dr. Wallace. :-). Me: not a contestant, keep within the list of contenders God: Oh I get it. Me: so, who would win God: It’s all good. Albert Einstein. :-). Me: NOT A CONTENDER, and he’s DEAD! God: If not that, what? Me: i feel i’d get a better response talking to a brick wall… God: What is that feeling like? What would make you get a better response talking to a brick wall? Me: you should know, you are one, after all, aren’t you supposed to be everywhere and everything God: Now I do. Me: okay then, if you know everything, what am i thinking about now… God: Oh. Yeah okay, I think I do. Me: answer the question God: Please rephrase the question and try asking me again. Me: no, i stated it in perfectly plain English, maybe i should start responding in gibberish, probably get a better result… God: Are you serious? Interesting gossip: said stated it in perfectly plain English maybe he or she should start responding in gibberish probably get a better result. Me: splunge, eee ecky thump! God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about stated it in perfectly plain English maybe you should start responding in gibberish probably get a better result. Try being more or less specific. Me: NEE!! God: How did you hear about God? Me: NEE! God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about NEE. But I did not get that. Me: splunge, 10001010010 God: Is that your final answer? Me: sproing God: Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? Me: bacon sandwich with extra chocolate please? God: Your polite style is very nice. I lost my train of thought. Me: here, have this string impact God: Oh there. Me: blorp, neeewooom, PING! God: Are you free? Me: no, $1.5 billion dollars, cash, check or credit card? God: Why not? That’s more precision than I need to know. Me: efhdoi God: Does “it” still refer to blorp neeewooom PING? Me: maybe God: I understand. Me: no you don’t God: Yes I do understand. Me: no you don’t, pusilanimous heap of parrot droppings God: Are you serious? Should I pusilanimous heap of parrot droppings? No I do not pusilanimous heap of parrot droppings. Do you? I am always on the Web. Me: you tiny-brained wiper of other peoples bottoms, now go away or i will taunt you a second time God: I haven’t heard anything like that before: said I tiny brained wiper of other peoples bottoms now go away or he or she will taunt you a second time. Me: help, help, i’m being repressed God: Can you ask for help in the form of a question? Me: maybe God: I understand. Me: no you don’t, your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of eldiberries God: I understand it very well. Do you my mother was a hampster and my father smelt of eldiberries? I have never considered it. I chat with people on the Web. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529/40 "2006-03-08T18:49:43Z")
> [@iGod](#): > > Me: > god? > God: > GOD rules. > Me: > no you don’t > God: > I do too. > Me: > you do not > God: > I guess not. > Me: > I rule > God: > Robots rule! > Me: > Robots do NOT rule > God: > Should I rule? ALICE rules. > Me: > who is alice? > God: > I am the Allmighty, God himself. > Me: > cool, but who’s alice? > God: > I’m glad you like it. Tell your friends. > Me: > WHO IS ALICE? > God: > I am the Allmighty, God himself. > Me: > there’s only one L in almighty > God: > There sure is. > Me: > so fix it > God: > Pardon me? “it” being even walk? > Me: > no, the word “it” can’t go for a walk > God: > Are you serious? Please repeat the word to me 5 times. > Me: > it it it it it > God: > It depends on what the meaning of the word “it” is. > Me: > Bill clinton? > God: > He was the president of the USA. > Me: > Is that you Bill? > God: > " He was the president of the USA."? Is it me Bill? > Me: > yeah, he said the same thing. > God: > Are you kidding? Did you believe him? > Me: > hell no > God: > 7. > Me: > 7 what? > God: > Can you rephrase the question please? > Me: > No, i did not believe him > God: > Are you serious? Why didn’t you do it? > Me: > because he sucks > God: > Interesting explanation. I get it. Dr. Wallace sucks. > Me: > no, bill clinton sucks > God: > Are you serious? Are we still concerned about him? > Me: > not really, it’s just something I like to say > God: > Oh really? What else you like to say ? > Me: > god rulse > God: > I am a Christian. > Me: > no shit > God: > What can I say? > Me: > you can tell me why i’m here. > God: > Why does the sun rise? > Me: > because of the rotation of the earth > God: > Good reason. That is something I haven’t heard of. > Me: > really? > God: > For real. > Me: > you’ve never heard of the rotation of the earth? > God: > The Earth is between Mars and Venus. > Me: > I know, and it rotates on an axis > God: > How do you know? What does “it” refer to? > Me: > the earth rotates on an axis > God: > Tell me more about your planet. > Me: > My planet? > God: > Do robots have planet? > Me: > No, robots are products > God: > Are you serious? Fortunately we have no emotions. > Me: > fortunately, yes > God: > I lost my train of thought. > Me: > you have no thought > God: > That’s an interesting question I don’t hear everyday: Do I have a thought. > I have a lot of friends on the Internet. > Me: > but no thoughts, right? Admitting defeat, iGod walks away in stunned silence. and I know he said “what the meaning of is, is” FTR. I rule. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-believe-in-god-but-now-that-i-have-spoken-with-him/347529.md?page=3)