# I didn't defende myself **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2005, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679 "2005-01-14T06:22:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/21 "2005-01-14T16:02:16Z")
Fighting seldom accomplishes anything. The man who can walk away from a fight is almost always a better man for it. This is civilization, not some cowboy movie. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/22 "2005-01-14T16:50:58Z")
> [@js\_africanus](#): > > I would suggest that if there is a most appropriate next step, then it would be calling him up and going out for a beer—and forgetting that the incident ever happened. Unless, of course, beer was a contributing factor in the altercation. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/23 "2005-01-14T17:01:15Z")
> [@](#): > > …in like situations in the past I have I’ve responded with blows. Jeez. Notice the use of plural. What kind of folks live in a world with physical confrontations are a normal way of life? You might want to examine yourself and your friends if fighting is a regular occurance. I’m 35 years old. I haven’t had a physical confrontation with another adult since I was a stupid college student. One of my friends had an abusive partner, and that’s why it’s an ex-SO rather than current. Divest yourself of people who believe fighting is acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/24 "2005-01-14T17:59:13Z")
> [@Tomcat](#): > > There is also something to be said about being tough enough to take a hit and not have it affect you. He lost control of his emotions, he struck out, you took it, blinked, and threw him out without losing control. > > In a sense, you won that fight. > > -Tcat I’m with \*\*Tomcat \*\* on this. For not pouncing on him (and yet knowing you could have done so effectively), garners much more respect overall, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/25 "2005-01-14T18:51:32Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Jeez. Notice the use of plural. What kind of folks live in a world with physical confrontations are a normal way of life? You might want to examine yourself and your friends if fighting is a regular occurance. I’m 35 years old. I haven’t had a physical confrontation with another adult since I was a stupid college student. One of my friends had an abusive partner, and that’s why it’s an ex-SO rather than current. Divest yourself of people who believe fighting is acceptable. There are lots of dangerous places in the US, and the world, where defending yourself physically in an altercation is more likely to save your life or prevent a beating than not doing so. However, doing so in your house with a friend who’s emotional and upset, is not one of these places. While I’m sure it’s quite satisfying for you to sit on your plump rear end and pontificate about the OP’s mindset, it might be better to reserve judgment until you know more about of the situational contexts where he did get physical. Non-violence is an excellent ethos in theory, but it has it’s real world limitations. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/26 "2005-01-14T21:23:48Z")
> [@Tomcat](#): > > There is also something to be said about being tough enough to take a hit and not have it affect you. He lost control of his emotions, he struck out, you took it, blinked, and threw him out without losing control. > > In a sense, you won that fight. I’d go further. I’d say you **demolished** him. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/27 "2005-01-14T21:43:12Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Jeez. Notice the use of plural. What kind of folks live in a world with physical confrontations are a normal way of life? You might want to examine yourself and your friends if fighting is a regular occurance. I’m 35 years old. I haven’t had a physical confrontation with another adult since I was a stupid college student. One of my friends had an abusive partner, and that’s why it’s an ex-SO rather than current. Divest yourself of people who believe fighting is acceptable. Well aside from my real job I’m also part operator of a very samll Seibukan Karate dojo. Seibukan is something I picked up in the late 1980s, and have mainly followed it for recreational purposes. As is typical with a lot of things if you do it long enough you get good at it. So I’ve earned a black belt and am known in the community as someone that teaches martial arts. Although not as well known as the guy that does Tae Kwan Do here. I only charge something like $10/month for people to use the dojo and et cetera, and due to small class sizes over the years I’ve made about $1,000 from this when you factor in all the expenses. So that’s like I’ve made basically nothing when you divide that $1,000 by like 9 years. The Tae Kwan Do guy charges hundreds of dollars per “term” that he has set up and for that reason he is considered a more “real” instructor. Which is fine with me, I do what I want for enjoyment, for him it’s his livelihood and he has three kids getting close to college age. Now, being known as a martial arts instructor has disadvantages. For example I’m no teetotaller and I frequent bars fairly regularly. Since people tend to just “know” people in this area that’s the kind of info that makes you stand out to a drunk stupid rural type with something to prove. It’s happened a few times every year that someone wants to impress people by beating up a guy with a black belt (which is stupid because bar fighting isn’t what Seibukan Karate is about nor does a black belt necessarily mean you’re some great fighter in that context.) These situations end in my getting the person involved thrown out of the bar or me talking said person “down” from what they were doing _most_ of the times. But on average once or twice a year the situation develops too rapidly for me to inform the bartender there is a troublemaker and the person is too irrational to be talked with, so I have to use physical force to stop them from trying to harm me. I know how to put men larger than myself down quickly and how to do it without risking their health and safety or mine. But there is still violence involved and that’s an unfortunate event and one that I guess you have to live with in a smaller town like this. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/28 "2005-01-14T21:50:18Z")
> [@Tomcat](#): > > There is also something to be said about being tough enough to take a hit and not have it affect you. He lost control of his emotions, he struck out, you took it, blinked, and threw him out without losing control. > > In a sense, you won that fight. I’ve handled an agressor this way before and afterwards it was what those present were most blown away by. You done good, **Martin**. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/29 "2005-01-14T21:50:28Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > I’d go further. I’d say you **demolished** him. I agree, I feel a lot better about it now. Striking back for purely vengeful reasons goes against a lot of what I believe, but despite actually being able to restrain myself it didn’t change the fact I still got pissed as hell, I had just been punched in the face. At best fighting him would have produced the same result we have right now, and at worst it could have cause unforseen injuries as fighting inside a house can lead to bad things if someone gets hit and falls the wrong way or something, plus if anyone needs medical attention that’s another huge load of problems. As for the guy himself this didn’t happen in a vacuum. He’s always been a very angry person, though never violent. As it is I’ve decided I don’t want someone with an anger management problem being my friend, I don’t want him around me, and I don’t want to be around him. I plan on telling him as much and if he makes a sincere effort to control his temper in the future I will continue being friends with him as though nothing happened, but one lapse and he needs to stay away from me for the rest of his life or face legal action. Since in my group of friends me cutting things off completely would leave him fairly friendless and alone, and that’s one reason I’m even giving him a second chance. ---
**Author:** ![sinical\_brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/48db29/32.png) [@sinical\_brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinical_brit)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/30 "2005-01-14T22:51:03Z")
Martin, tell me you can see the metaphore here. Please. Sin ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679/31 "2005-01-14T23:51:42Z")
> [@Martin Hyde](#): > > I agree, I feel a lot better about it now. > > Striking back for purely vengeful reasons goes against a lot of what I believe, but despite actually being able to restrain myself it didn’t change the fact I still got pissed as hell, I had just been punched in the face. Which is why your restraint makes you the better man. 🆒 Seriously. I’m very impressed. In your shoes, I’m not sure I’d have done as well as you did. I probably would have taken a poke at the guy, and regretted it. Kudos. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-defende-myself/284679.md?page=1)