# "I didn't lie! YOU did, and you're just forgetting that you are!" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 26, 2007, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499 "2007-01-26T01:08:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/21 "2007-01-26T02:38:18Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] I think by “there,” she means his apartment. Meaning, he accessed the site when she was not around. [/QUOTE] :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/22 "2007-01-26T02:58:54Z")
Just so all you well-meaning advisors know, there’s a whole saga going [in the Pit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=404669&page=1&pp=50) about this so-called relationship. Head’s up. Pyjama pants. [QUOTE=Zabali\_Clawbane] Just my two cents, but scratch the above idea, dump his arse and RUN! [/QUOTE] Yeah, don’t do anything like check the facts or anything. Just freak out and chuck a year-long relationship with someone you spend 5 days a week with (this is the OP’s claim… they spend all weekend together, every weekend, leaving plenty of time to cheat, right?). ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/23 "2007-01-26T03:03:38Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] Just so all you well-meaning advisors know, there’s a whole saga going [in the Pit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=404669&page=1&pp=50) about this so-called relationship. Head’s up. Pyjama pants. Yeah, don’t do anything like check the facts or anything. Just freak out and chuck a year-long relationship with someone you spend 5 days a week with (this is the OP’s claim… they spend all weekend together, every weekend, leaving plenty of time to cheat, right?). [/QUOTE] I read the pit thread… :dubious: There are plenty of married men who manage to cheat during working hours ya know. I see it as the OP is rather…niave and getting a hard lesson myself. Maybe not, I’ll concede, but I am choosing to go with niave over “pyjama pants” as you phrase it. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/24 "2007-01-26T03:08:03Z")
[QUOTE=Zabali\_Clawbane] I read the pit thread… :dubious: There are plenty of married men who manage to cheat during working hours ya know. [/quote] When they’re just dating some broke girl? Why? > [@](#): > > I see it as the OP is rather…niave and getting a hard lesson myself. Maybe not, I’ll concede, but I am choosing to go with niave over “pyjama pants” as you phrase it. Why shouldn’t the OP check the website and see if he’s logged in? So easy to do, nothing to lose by doing it. Maybe that site just hijacks his browser and opens a window. IT HAPPENS. I HAVE SEEN IT HAPPEN. It’s very annoying, but if that’s what’s happening and he’s as computer-clueless as she claims (as she HAS to claim for this story to work) and she dumps him on everyone’s hair-trigger advice, wouldn’t that be incredibly stupid and horrible? ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/25 "2007-01-26T03:09:41Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] \ Maybe that site just hijacks his browser and opens a window. IT HAPPENS. I HAVE SEEN IT HAPPEN. It’s very annoying, but if that’s what’s happening and he’s as computer-clueless as she claims (as she HAS to claim for this story to work) and she dumps him on everyone’s hair-trigger advice, wouldn’t that be incredibly stupid and horrible? [/QUOTE] Don’t you think she’d have noticed a similar thing on her own computer, given that **they met on that site**?! ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/26 "2007-01-26T03:10:34Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] Head’s up. Pyjama pants. [/QUOTE] _Doot-doo-doot-do-do…Pyjamapants…Doot-do-do-do…_ ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/27 "2007-01-26T03:17:09Z")
[QUOTE=Zabali\_Clawbane] Don’t you think she’d have noticed a similar thing on her own computer, given that **they met on that site**?! [/QUOTE] She probably has Pop Up Stopper or something computer savvy like that. He likely doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/28 "2007-01-26T03:21:52Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] She probably has Pop Up Stopper or something computer savvy like that. He likely doesn’t. [/QUOTE] Possible, in that case her anti popup/spyware records should be checked, to see what they have been blocking… If there is no popup blocker, (and no odd history on her computer) or the program hasn’t blocked that site, than it lends credence to my idea. If so, than you get the balance of credibility. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/29 "2007-01-26T03:25:17Z")
[QUOTE=nongoog] I noticed that, in his “recently opened items” list, there were a bunch of personal-ad webpages from this one site, having been opened within the last day or so from when I was there. Now, we happened to meet on that site, [/quote] > [@](#): > > b) he’s browsing around for some pornographic pleasure but embarrassed about it (as he’s very outspokenly anti-porn, and I’ve never been able to figure out why… OK, wait… you met him on this site. He hates porn, but he might be looking on this site for porn. What? Which dating website has porn on it? Why was he meeting women on there if he thinks the site is disgusting? I’m confused. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/30 "2007-01-26T03:31:01Z")
[QUOTE=nongoog] Now, we happened to meet on that site, and a lot of it is simply women trolling for sex [/QUOTE] Women troll for sex? Which ones? Where? Huh? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/31 "2007-01-26T03:48:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Does this mean he’s psycho? Yes. If he’s real. There are people who actually do use this kind of Jedi manipulation. This is a crucial moment. If you fall for this once, he’ll do it forever. > [@](#): > > That he’s cheating on me? Probably. > [@](#): > > That he actually did lie and now he’ll come up with ANYTHING so as to get out of it? Not just get out of it, but get _control_. Get power. > [@](#): > > Am I right that this explanation is more disturbing than the possibility of him cheating on me? Absolutely. > [@](#): > > How should I react?? > [@](#): > > Does this warrant an immediate dumping? It’s disturbing that you would even have to ask. Yes, Dump him, and tell him he’s a liar. Don’t let him think you even have a a moment of doubt about yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Lush\_Puppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Lush\_Puppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lush_Puppy)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/32 "2007-01-26T04:03:25Z")
I swear this was some Eddie Murphy movie plot years ago. He gets caught cheating, then turns it on her. Dumperoo. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/33 "2007-01-26T04:03:56Z")
Speaking as a guy, this guy sounds like a mentally-abusive cocksucker. As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA. You should not put up with this type of treatment for one minute longer. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/34 "2007-01-26T04:32:50Z")
> [@nongoog](#): > > Then again, I was in a situation where I was the one the guy was cheating on his girlfriend with, having pursued me especially, and I am definitely more attractive than she was. from [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8190193&postcount=3) This wouldn’t be the guy in question in this thread, would it? That would go a long way toward explaining why you knew what his ex-gf got as a birthday present and why you didn’t balk at him for getting an ex a gift. If it was a different guy, I’m just baffled by that. ---
**Author:** ![nongoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@nongoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nongoog)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/35 "2007-01-26T04:38:39Z")
This is not a site you log into. Plus, there is no way it will hijack your browser. It’s a site like craigslist, but local to the city, where people put up ads with anonymous emails and you can respond to them via email. He works from home. He has plenty of time during the day to fool around with anyone. I’m also sick of hearing the “pyjama pants” reference… despite the fact that it’s not even how one should be spelling “pajama”… and I don’t even know what this is referring to, except some fake story someone posted once? I really think this is an unfair comparison to throw out to someone who is new to the boards and looking for honest appraisals to an argument that she’s considering breaking off a one-year relationship about… that is very important to her… if you don’t think you can respond without comparing me unfairly and impossibly vaguely to a previous poster, please refrain! Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/36 "2007-01-26T04:41:06Z")
So you were snooping I mean “fixing” your bf’s computer and found something you didn’t like. Stay with him your perfect for each other. ---
**Author:** ![nongoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@nongoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nongoog)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/37 "2007-01-26T04:43:02Z")
[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo] from [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8190193&postcount=3) This wouldn’t be the guy in question in this thread, would it? That would go a long way toward explaining why you knew what his ex-gf got as a birthday present and why you didn’t balk at him for getting an ex a gift. If it was a different guy, I’m just baffled by that. [/QUOTE] Same guy. It’s a more complicated situation that I summed up for that thread. He was dating us both for a short amount of time, but she knew about this, so it wasn’t clandestine. ---
**Author:** ![nongoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@nongoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nongoog)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/38 "2007-01-26T04:44:56Z")
And no, I was legitimately fixing his internet. He’s clueless with computers, which explains why I had to do it in the first place, and why he was inordinately sloppy about cleaning up evidence of browsing this site. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/39 "2007-01-26T04:51:28Z")
Why did you look at the list of recently opened items? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499/40 "2007-01-26T04:55:32Z")
You seem to have decent communication skills, so what I don’t understand is why you don’t just talk to him about the issues you’ve been having. You can drive yourself crazy analyzing things and making guesses. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to sit him down and flat out ask him what the deal is with the no Christmas present and the website? Are you scared of him? Or are you just hopelessly in love with him and afraid that he’ll dump you if you question him in a serious manner? After a year with someone, the inability to broach these subjects tells me that there’s definitely something wrong with you, him, and/or the relationship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-lie-you-did-and-youre-just-forgetting-that-you-are/389499.md?page=3)