# "I didn't pay $18,000 for quackery!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2006, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042 "2006-03-27T04:59:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Giant\_Spongess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@Giant\_Spongess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giant_Spongess)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/1 "2006-03-27T04:59:47Z")
Yes, actually, you did. See, my mom has cancer. The kind of cancer that takes hold and won’t let go, ever. The kind of cancer that has one counting the months, days, hours left still alive. She also has an accupuncturist. Nice lady; a little on the credulous side. Every time my mom goes for a session she comes home with more Chinese Herbs to ingest. Well, this lady recently purchased a haphazard collection of copper wire, glass tubes, and plexiglass known as a [VIBE machine.](http://www.vibemachine.com/) Of course, it immediately fixes all of Nice Lady’s ailments, and so she demands that my mother start a VIBE regimen. Now, I don’t really mind driving my mom two miles so she can watch some pretty lights for a couple minutes. It’s free and it gets her a little activity, though it does tire her out some. But I draw the line at actually participating in this foolishness myself. “Would you like to VIBE?” Nice Lady asks me. “No, thanks,” I politely reply, and turn my gaze to my book about cannibalism. “Why not?” Oh-oh. This could get ugly. “I won’t participate in quackery.” My mother reminded me to be polite, but it was too damn late. “Have you done any research on The VIBE? Here, have this pamphlet. I certainly didn’t pay $18,000 for quackery! Do you know the Army is researching it?” I mumbled something about doing my own damn research, then settled down for a little light reading. And it turns out I was right: quackery. Much is made of how cells emit electricity. And some ass made up the theory that cells lose their electric charge over time and need to be recharged. By **staring at some pretty lights.** I’ll tell you what happens when cells lose their electrical charge: they _die_, that’s what. No amount of electromagnetic mumbo-jumbo is going to change that. Goddamn Franz Mesmer tried it 150 years ago and it didn’t work then and it doesn’t work now. I especially like how, in the pamphlet, in between touting its ability to cure every ailment under the sun, they basically admit its efficacy derives from the Power of Positive Thinking. Just like any other quackery. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/2 "2006-03-27T05:07:56Z")
hey…if it walks like a duck…and talks like a duck… dammit, it be quackery! ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/3 "2006-03-27T05:19:21Z")
I feel ya. Not quite as close to home, but one half of the couple I spend Sunday evenings with wasn’t home tonight. He was off at some retreat for “nutritional counseling.” Said counseling involving him sitting naked in a room with a bunch of people and the “counselor” holding up foods next to them and asking their bodies if they need those foods or not. He’s also into homeopathy. It’s just baffling to me how this guy, who’s so smart and so immune to most other forms of nonsense (although he has a bit of a weakness for astrology, but mostly for the math) has fallen for these two examples of egregious quackery. It kind of runs in his family, though. His parents are fairly well known nationally as proponents of creationism. Thankfully he’s rejected that. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/4 "2006-03-27T05:37:11Z")
I thought for a second that you were about to tear into Scientology. This is just as weird, though. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/5 "2006-03-27T06:47:41Z")
Unfortunately, Quackwatch’s entry for V.I.B.E is “to be posted”. I once used that site to talk a relative out of buying Q Ray bracelets. ---
**Author:** ![Giant\_Spongess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@Giant\_Spongess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giant_Spongess)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/6 "2006-03-27T06:52:04Z")
Well, now that I’ve actually read the website, I have learned that VIBE stands for Vibrational Integration Bio-photonic Energizer. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/7 "2006-03-27T07:31:14Z")
My parents’ neighbor died from an easily curable cancer thanks to a belief in similar crap. It pisses me off. It’s nothing more than selling baseless hope to desperate people. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/8 "2006-03-27T08:19:21Z")
**Giant\_Spongess** : Sorry about your mom - I think you’re doing well on the politeness front. 😉 > [@DocCathode](#): > > I once used that site to talk a relative out of buying Q Ray bracelets. Ha! Only idiots buy into Q Ray. Everyone knows you should buy a [Q-Link](http://www.clarus.com/p_gallery.shtml)\* instead. \*Brought to you by the spam in my inbox last week. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/9 "2006-03-27T10:50:38Z")
> [@Giant\_Spongess](#): > > Now, I don’t really mind driving my mom two miles so she can watch some pretty lights for a couple minutes. **It’s free** and it gets her a little activity, though it does tire her out some. But I draw the line at actually participating in this foolishness myself. > [@Giant\_Spongess](#): > > “Have you done any research on The VIBE? Here, have this pamphlet. **I certainly didn’t pay $18,000** for quackery! Do you know the Army is researching it?” Sorry, I’m a bit confused. Is she paying or no? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/10 "2006-03-27T11:04:00Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Sorry, I’m a bit confused. Is she paying or no? I think the acupuncturist has paid $18,000 for junk. I suppose it shows she’s sincere as well as gullible. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/11 "2006-03-27T12:02:48Z")
Hey! If you know a better way to get rid of all the negative frequencies built up in my cells’ atoms, then I’d like to hear it!! ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/12 "2006-03-27T13:50:55Z")
I find vodka does an amazing job of dissolving my negative cells. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/13 "2006-03-27T14:57:39Z")
I remember going to a massage therapist and instantly being wary when I saw the “Color Therapy” texts on the shelves. All I wanted was some of the knots worked out of my back and to regain a little flexibility. But I had to endure a great deal of talk espousing the virtues of magnetic bracelets and crystal healing. I was having to stifle my urge to scream, “Bullshit!” so bad that it actually undid much of the effort of the therapist, who probably couldn’t figure out why I was relaxing enough. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/14 "2006-03-27T15:12:55Z")
> [@Giant\_Spongess](#): > > “Would you like to VIBE?” Nice Lady asks me. Tell her she overpaid for her [VIBE machine](http://www.goodvibes.com/Index.aspx). (NWS!) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/15 "2006-03-27T15:18:08Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Said counseling involving him sitting naked in a room with a bunch of people and the “counselor” holding up foods next to them and asking their bodies if they need those foods or not. Maam, does your body need this cucumber? Last time we were in Sedona, I thought I was going to scream if we heard “power of crystals” mentioned one more time. Sorry about your mom, **GS** , and I hope she finds the comfort she’s seeking. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/16 "2006-03-27T16:29:34Z")
Call the cops. The Chinese lady may be “nice”, but con artists can be charming. And people _will die_ because they put faith in her worthless gizmo. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/17 "2006-03-27T16:51:38Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Call the cops. Just out of curiosity, what law do you think is being broken by this woman’s allowing people to stare at the pretty lights for free? ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/18 "2006-03-27T16:58:26Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Just out of curiosity, what law do you think is being broken by this woman’s allowing people to stare at the pretty lights for free? Quack “medical cures” fall under the purview of the FDA in the USA. If a device claims to have a medical effect and said effect is false, then that’s a violation of Federal law. Reading the homepage of the VIBE site makes it clear that this is standard quack stuff. Expect them to go out of business in a few years. (The wheels of justice turn slowly.) But also expect the same people to turn up with another miracle device after that. And then another and another. ---
**Author:** ![MissMossie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@MissMossie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMossie)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/19 "2006-03-27T18:37:40Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > I feel ya. Not quite as close to home, but one half of the couple I spend Sunday evenings with wasn’t home tonight. He was off at some retreat for “nutritional counseling.” Said counseling involving him sitting naked in a room with a bunch of people and the “counselor” holding up foods next to them and asking their bodies if they need those foods or not. He’s also into homeopathy. It’s just baffling to me how this guy, who’s so smart and so immune to most other forms of nonsense (although he has a bit of a weakness for astrology, but mostly for the math) has fallen for these two examples of egregious quackery. > > It kind of runs in his family, though. His parents are fairly well known nationally as proponents of creationism. Thankfully he’s rejected that. Oh jeez, my girlfriend already is into energy testing where she holds a food in one hand and has me test her muscle strength in the other arm. If she tests strongly, the _obviously_ the food is good for her. If she hears about this VIBE stuff, I’ll soon be shining multicolored flashlights in her eyes. I’m with you, **Otto** , I’m confused how she, who like your friend is generally quite smart, is into this kind of stuff. Oh well, she’s confused about my Christianity which lots of people feel is a load of shit too. To each her own. ---
**Author:** ![Giant\_Spongess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@Giant\_Spongess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giant_Spongess)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042/20 "2006-03-27T20:01:55Z")
Oh, I should mention that my mom is also doing chemotherapy. At this point, I figure anything that gives her a little activity is probably a good thing–I know she gets bored/lonely staying in bed all day. This lady is one of those gullible new age Baby Boomer types who sincerely believes in the power of esoteric Chinese knowledge. They are a vast and ancient culture! They must know everything! As far as I know, she isn’t trying to persuade people to use this thing as an alternative to real medical procedures. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-pay-18-000-for-quackery/350042.md?page=2)