# I didn't see this one coming **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 25, 2009, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624 "2009-08-25T12:25:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/21 "2009-08-25T23:27:37Z")
> [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](#): > > Here I am offering advice that hasn’t been asked for… > > Louis, “fuck it” is the anti-serenity prayer. Don’t drink no matter what and you can get through this. I’m thinking about you man. Yeah, it is. Thanks but so far I haven’t been tempted----I think I’m too damn mad to drink. I believe I will find a small apartment and re-read some of my favorite books and then tackle a batch of new ones. And play around here, of course, if I can resurrect on old computer of mine. It is curious and there was a time when drinking would have been first on the list. I think and hope its now last. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/22 "2009-08-25T23:29:25Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Best of luck to both of you. > > Seriously, **LouisB** , you had no idea at all? Totally blindsided? Like a lightning strike out of a clear blue sky. If there were any signals, I sure missed them, but then again, I’m just a damn man, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/23 "2009-08-25T23:31:33Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > She is divorcing me, so she says, so that she will no longer have to carry me on her medical insurance; it will give her an extra hundred and fifty bucks to do whatever with. That’s a sufficiently odd reason to end a marriage that I wonder if there’s some mental issues…my mom said when she went through menopause, she knew it was time to go on hormones the day she decided to divorce my dad, quit her job and move (she did not in fact do any of those things, and was back to normal shortly). Of course, Marcie could just be saying that and have real reasons, but it’s an odd note, and you do seem to have been completely blindsided. ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/24 "2009-08-25T23:33:57Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > She is divorcing me, so she says, so that she will no longer have to carry me on her medical insurance; it will give her an extra hundred and fifty bucks to do whatever with. > I didn’t know she could be that venal. And she sticks to that story; that’s the reason pure and simple. I rather suspect that a judge might just smack that down but one never knows. We’ve been together fourteen years and I never saw this side of her. Better late than never, I suppose. I’m so very sorry. I always thought it was so sweet that you referred to her as darling. I feel very surprised, as it seemed like she was cherished by you. And the insurance thing- _what_? I don’t understand. She’s divorcing for $150 a paycheck? Why couldn’t she just drop you from her insurance? I can’t believe it! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/25 "2009-08-25T23:42:01Z")
Wow. That sucks. Can’t offer anything more concrete than that. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/26 "2009-08-25T23:42:23Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > She (Unless I slip up, I won’t call her my Darling Marcie anymore) has offered this: The divorce will take place, but if I want to, we can live together as roommates, splitting all costs 50-50. And if the flame rekindles, we might remarry. But should she die, in spite of our marriage status, the house and her savings go to her sister. I’ll go for this deal when pigs sprout wings. > > She is divorcing me, so she says, so that she will no longer have to carry me on her medical insurance; it will give her an extra hundred and fifty bucks to do whatever with. Heh - all I can say is “wow”. With someone like that, you can give yourself the old “I’m better off without her” speech, and it won’t just be tripe. It’ll still be tough but really, you can console yourself with that. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/27 "2009-08-26T00:00:58Z")
Sorry for all of you who are dealing with this. It sucks, it really, really sucks. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/28 "2009-08-26T00:30:53Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > Yeah, it is. Thanks but so far I haven’t been tempted----I think I’m too damn mad to drink. I believe I will find a small apartment and re-read some of my favorite books and then tackle a batch of new ones. And play around here, of course, if I can resurrect on old computer of mine. It is curious and there was a time when drinking would have been first on the list. I think and hope its now last. Good for you to have the strength and self awareness not to use this ugly situation as an excuse for a bender… Best wishes from Salt Lake, Matthew ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/29 "2009-08-26T00:45:18Z")
All I can say, and I may well be (and hope I am) completely wrong… It almost sounds like she’s trying to see how desperate you are to stay together. Will you take this totally compromising deal just to be in the same house with her??? Will you run after her? ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/30 "2009-08-26T00:53:40Z")
While driving this very road a few years ago I was once told “I expected you to come crawling and crying to me!” Beyond whatever dark clouds you see now the sun shines. BTW I found the love of my life months after separation; will soon be married again. Good luck to all! ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/31 "2009-08-26T01:03:29Z")
Lawyer Up!! LouisB and JoeyP, you are both big boys. Thinking that being nice is going to get you anywhere is wrong, wrong. Your soon-to-be exes are now listening to advice from counselers, lawyers, girlfriends, co-workers, etc. And you know what adivce they are getting? To SCREW YOU as much as possible, because, you know, it’s probably all your fault and none of theirs. This allows them to move on with a positive attitude about themselves and leave you standing going WTF. Protect yourselves. Your heart will heal. They are making new wives/girfiends every day. The world is full of women who will not treat you like shit. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/32 "2009-08-26T01:27:15Z")
^^ This (What ghardester said) ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/33 "2009-08-26T01:39:34Z")
Yeah, I’d second the Lawyer Up deal. Fast. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/34 "2009-08-26T01:43:02Z")
Holy fucking mother of god. I am so sorry for all of this. I am stunned by the “reason” (and that is an embarrassment to the word reason) and by her actions. Is she on some kind of medication? This seems so very, very odd to me… That said, protect yourself, financially, emotionally and legally. Do NOT become roommates with this woman. Do you have access to health insurance of your own? You do need legal advice and pronto. Look around online, too, to see what kind of 3rd party negotiations your state allows. Going through an arbiter is a lot cheaper, but get legal advice first. I feel bad for all involved in this thread. This is just wrong. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/35 "2009-08-26T01:51:38Z")
Louis, you have my empathy. This is like any other attack, it must be met with an equal amount of force. There will be time for your heart to heal, in chief because that is all that WILL heal it, deal with what’s in front of you now. Thirding the lawyer/counselor advice. Peace. Jockey ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/36 "2009-08-26T01:56:30Z")
> [@Gaudere](#): > > That’s a sufficiently odd reason to end a marriage that I wonder if there’s some mental issues…my mom said when she went through menopause, she knew it was time to go on hormones the day she decided to divorce my dad, quit her job and move (she did not in fact do any of those things, and was back to normal shortly). Of course, Marcie could just be saying that and have real reasons, but it’s an odd note, and you do seem to have been completely blindsided. She recently retired from the VA on a disability retirement; ADD, PTSD, and some other mental thing but I’ve forgotten what. In any disagreement, she is quick to play those cards and I’ve heard a few close friends and relatives tell her it is time for her to get over it and get on with it. Privately I agree but I’ve always tried to make it easy by keeping those things in mind. Her shrink has modified her meds lately but I’m not certain she is following his recommendations too closely. She is a big beer drinker and monitors her own blood pressure----if her blood pressure is okay, then it is okay for her to drink; the liver be damned. She is good for at least two and often three QUARTS of beer per evening, usually within a one hour period. I’ve expressed my concern about this to her and to her shrink and to her therapist: They patronizingly tell me they will get to the bottom of the p;problem and all will be well. The bottom of the problem is that both her parents were alcoholics although her father is in recovery and her (very abusive) mother is God knows where; dead for anything anyone knows. In spite of those things, she can be, and usually is, a very sweet, loving, generous person; she has nursed me through a very serious skin cancer on my scalp and two fairly serious oral cancer surgeries. She is wonderful with kids and animals and my God, I do love her so. It is very difficult to reconcile the past with this sudden “I hate your guts, get out” attitude, when things have seemed much the same until the explosion. I THINK her shrink and her therapist carry her on a silk cushion and she has come to expect that from everyone. Or maybe she has decided she hates my guts and wants nothing more to do with me. Who knows? It won’t kill me but God Damn if it doesn’t hurt. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/37 "2009-08-26T02:22:00Z")
**LouisB** , I’m sorry man. Not much else to say that hasn’t already been said. Hang tough! ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/38 "2009-08-26T02:49:23Z")
I am so sorry to hear about this **LouisB**. If it is any consolation she may not be able to drop you from the insurance\*. Often times judges will advise that the spouse who provided coverage must continue to do so for a set period of time and, as an insurance agent, even in the event of a divorce I will not remove anyone from a policy without seeing some sort of paperwork (decree from a judge, proof that the dependent has new coverage, etc.) specifically to prevent people from going crazy and cutting off coverage to someone because they had a fight. \*This is officially the stupidest reason for a divorce I’ve ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/39 "2009-08-26T02:53:33Z")
Really sorry to hear this, Louis and Joey. I hope you guys can work things out for the best. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624/40 "2009-08-26T02:57:10Z")
Have you checked your bank accounts? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-didnt-see-this-one-coming/507624.md?page=3)