# I do not exist. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 18, 2006, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316 "2006-05-18T21:09:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/21 "2006-05-18T23:08:15Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > … the paper trail is pretty much a necessity. Maybe that’s what’s been throwing you off since you’ve become a Mod. Forgive me for sounding maudlin, but I kind of miss This Year’s Model. [QUOTE=Frank] … ID-conscious society … [/QUOTE] If you want to fix that, you’re living on the wrong side of the slope. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/22 "2006-05-18T23:13:52Z")
[QUOTE=friedo] … Me: :mad: I expect to be grabbed in my sleep and shipped down to Guantanamo any day now. [/QUOTE] Go try again. This individual will not any longer be a problem to you. (The Sevens of Gitmo take our duties quite seriously. And really, the guy is proving to be great fun here and a real crowd pleaser!) —um, remember you never heard any of this. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/23 "2006-05-18T23:20:53Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] Um, no, it’s not. Under common law, you can change your name simply by using the new name. That’s all it takes. Formally doing the paperwork and seeing a judge makes things easier under some circumstances, because it generates a paper trail connecting the names, but there’s no rule that says you have to do so in order to legally change your name. [/QUOTE] That’s the way it worked for my mom, whose birth certificate shows her as Maria. For, well, _forever_, she’s been known as Mary. That’s what she signs everything. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/24 "2006-05-18T23:21:25Z")
[QUOTE=El Cid Viscoso] If you want to fix that, you’re living on the wrong side of the slope. 🙂 [/QUOTE] You’re right. But, sadly, there is not much of a home for a liberal/libertarian anywhere in the political spectrum in this country. Yes, you’re right again, my posting style _has_ changed. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/25 "2006-05-18T23:30:13Z")
My license has printed my first name, middle initial, and last name. I never use the middle initial in signing things. On one license renewal quite a few years ago (before online renewal), I filled out the necessary form and signed my name as usual, “Eddy Freddy”. The Registry guy I was dealing with looked at it and said, “What’s your middle initial”? I said, “T, but I never use it.” He wrote a “T” in between “Eddy” and “Freddy”, in a handwriting utterly different from how I’d do it. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/26 "2006-05-18T23:31:22Z")
the offenders I work with have an especially trying (bad pun for free) time w/this. we have DNA samples, fingerprints, case histories and years of daily records on them, but the DMV won’t recognize prison ID as anything valid. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/27 "2006-05-18T23:53:32Z")
Hamish is **Hamish** ’s middle name, and he’s had a hell of a time with certain people/offices/companies convincing them that he is who he says he is. Certain bright people, who would (hopefully) not have a problem equating Matthew Initial \_mcl with Matthew I. \_mcl, are thrown into spasm when asked to conclude that F. Hamish Lastname could well be the same person as Firstname Hamish Lastname. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/28 "2006-05-18T23:56:48Z")
I had a situation last year when a friend and I went to Phoenix to visit another friend for a few days. My friend here had bought our tickets and we flew out separately but flew back together. No problem on the outbound but on the way back I was stopped at security in Phoenix because the name on my ID didn’t match the name on my ticket (keep in mind, this hadn’t been a problem in Chicago). Of course, I explained and eventually they let me through but I still occasionally have to remind myself that my middle name, which I go by, isn’t the same as my first name which is on my driver’s license. In fact I almost made the same mistake when I bought a plane ticket this year. Fortunately I caught it in time. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/29 "2006-05-19T00:17:31Z")
[QUOTE=friedo] Her: "These say, ‘Mike.’ Your birth certificate says ‘Michael.’ I can’t take these. Me: “But, err, I use Mike all the time, that’s been my legal name for years…” Her: “Then you have to get a new birth certificate. Have a nice day.” Me: :mad: I expect to be grabbed in my sleep and shipped down to Guantanamo any day now. [/QUOTE] How do you get a new birth certificate? That is a record of your birth, it can’t (to my knowledge) be changed 16 or so years later. You need to bring in the name change doc, or as everyone else has said, go find a different DMV ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/30 "2006-05-19T00:24:14Z")
[QUOTE=Rick] How do you get a new birth certificate? That is a record of your birth, it can’t (to my knowledge) be changed 16 or so years later. You need to bring in the name change doc, or as everyone else has said, go find a different DMV [/QUOTE] You can request a new birth certificate from the relavent local bureacracy. People do it when they change their name or gender or if the original certificate has a mistake. I never saw the point in doing this, though. OK, I just looked up how to do it in NYC. In addition to the name-change court order, it requires a current photo-ID. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/31 "2006-05-19T01:37:51Z")
[QUOTE=friedo] In real life my first name is Mike. That is, everybody calls me Mike, just about everything that has my name on it says “Mike,” and so on. My birth certificate says Michael on it, because that’s what my parents named me, but as soon as I could talk I made it clear in no uncertain terms that my name is Mike. [/QUOTE] This is called “common usage” and it’s perfectly valid without any kind of court proceeding. If you have ample documentation of the common usage then it should be fine. It should be a no-brainer especially if it’s a shortened form. There are at least 4 people in my extended family who go by their middle names or abbreviations of their middle names as their common usage. Not even of their own volition… their _parents_ called them that way. It causes them no end of hassle. I decree that none of my kids shall have middle names, and their first names shall be familiar and acceptable enough to be used as a first name by a reasonable person. If they don’t like it, hey, at least I tried to give them the best raw material I could. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/32 "2006-05-19T02:19:21Z")
[QUOTE=Brain Wreck] This is called “common usage” and it’s perfectly valid without any kind of court proceeding. If you have ample documentation of the common usage then it should be fine. It should be a no-brainer especially if it’s a shortened form. [/QUOTE] This was my understanding do- your Birth Certificate could be in the name of “John Smith”, but if you wanted to call yourself “Rameses Nibblick III, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Whoops, Where’s My Thribble” then you’d be well within your rights to do so (but good luck fitting that onto most forms!). Don’t most forms have a “Preferred Name” option on them anyway, just to cover these sorts of eventualities? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/33 "2006-05-19T02:27:14Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] Um, no, it’s not. Under common law, you can change your name simply by using the new name. That’s all it takes. Formally doing the paperwork and seeing a judge makes things easier under some circumstances, because it generates a paper trail connecting the names, but there’s no rule that says you have to do so in order to legally change your name. [/QUOTE] Lots of things that are legal under the common law aren’t actually legal in a lot of states, because the states have abolished aspects of the common law and replaced them with statutory law. Do you have a cite that Michigan still follows the common law on name changes? ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/34 "2006-05-19T02:45:47Z")
[QUOTE=friedo] Me: :mad: I expect to be grabbed in my sleep and shipped down to Guantanamo any day now. [/QUOTE] If you manage to avoid Gitmo, and ever again find yourself inside a voting booth, remember to thank the Republican party for the [Real ID Act](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/REAL_ID_Act_of_2005). > [@](#): > > The Administration strongly supports House passage of H.R. 418, to strengthen the ability of the United States to protect against terrorist entry into and activities within the United States. [http://216.239.51.104/search?q=cache:AYo-adjER-oJ:www.whitehouse.gov/omb/legislative/sap/109-1/hr418sap-h.pdf++"Real+ID+Act"+site:whitehouse.gov&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1](http://216.239.51.104/search?q=cache:AYo-adjER-oJ:www.whitehouse.gov/omb/legislative/sap/109-1/hr418sap-h.pdf++%22Real+ID+Act%22+site:whitehouse.gov&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1) Now that you know it’s for your own safety, I’ll bet you’re glad the DMV jerked you around like a ball on a string, right? Only a traitor wouldn’t be. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/35 "2006-05-19T04:47:41Z")
> [@](#): > > **Rick** : How do you get a new birth certificate? That is a record of your birth, it can’t (to my knowledge) be changed 16 or so years later. > [@](#): > > **friedo** : You can request a new birth certificate from the relavent local bureacracy. People do it when they change their name or gender or if the original certificate has a mistake. I never saw the point in doing this, though. My birth certificate said that I was born on July 7th when I was actually born on July 14th which is what my driver’s license said. I didn’t know about the mistake until I needed a copy of my birth certificate to get a passport. Would you believe that the BC was in the basement of a home for the elderly and I had to pay someone to search through old files? Then I had to submit documents to support that a mistake had indeed been made. I went to the trouble because I had to swear that the information was true to get my passport. Further, I didn’t want to go overseas with contradictory papers. ---
**Author:** ![Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buckler_of_Swashing)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/36 "2006-05-19T07:12:00Z")
[QUOTE=friedo] It is and I did. But I never considered going back in time and altering my birth records. Feh. [/QUOTE] I changed my first name legally and had a brand spanking new birth certificate virtually shoved down my throat. And they confiscated my old one. Do they not issue with a different certificate in the US? Or at least a ‘Change of Name’ declaration document? Or you know, something? Or does the Name Changes window man just ring a little bell, smile and and say ‘Your new name is ready!’ Have a nice day!’ and you walk away? ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/37 "2006-05-19T12:13:33Z")
Try not having a middle name, I’ve had clerks argue with me that I _must_ have a middle name and that I’m just embarrassed by it. Nope, no middle name. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/38 "2006-05-19T13:11:22Z")
My wife doesn’t have a middle name. For most of her life my wife didn’t have a birth certificate either – just a bunch of court documents testifying that she was, in fact, alive. (The hospital forgot to file paperwork.) It was most amusing when we moved to British Columbia and she had to get a driver’s license and showed up with her stack of papers. In French. _Legal_ French. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/39 "2006-05-19T13:34:50Z")
**Bosda** ’s Rules For Interacting With Bureaucracy Without Going Mad [ol] [li]“Yes” can be turned into “No”, & vice versa if a sufficient amount of wordage is applied to the problem[/li][li]Never accept a “No” from somebody who hasn’t got the authority to say “Yes”.[/li][li]If at first you don’t succeed, apply again elsewhere.[/li][li]Be sweet–you’ll suprise people.[/li][li]Do not apply for **anything** on a Monday Morning, or on a Friday afternoon.[/li][li]Do not apply for **anything** 30 minutes before Lunch, or closing time.[/li][li]Never shout.[/li][li]Never use foul language, even if we deserve it.[/li][li]Never threaten.[/li][li]Never try to throw your weight around.[/li][li]We know your taxes pay our salaries, & we think you’re a cheapskate.[/li][li]If you _really_ had important friends, you wouldn’t even be speaking to us. You’d be handled by our Boss.[/li][li]Fill out _everything_. Even if it _isn’t_ any of our business. Just put _something_ there, we don’t care what.[/li][li]Never forget that the last guy who asked for what you want was a real jerk. Or, at least, _act_ like he was.[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![Cheez\_Whia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cheez\_Whia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheez_Whia)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2006, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316/40 "2006-05-19T14:59:06Z")
FWIW, when my ex-husband adopted my oldest daughter (in California), the adoption was finalized by re-issuing her birth certificate with my (then) husband’s last name. There were no “adoption papers”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-exist/357316.md?page=3)