# I do not make allowances for drunkenness. Is this unusual? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 22, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682 "2010-09-22T19:04:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/21 "2010-09-22T21:17:49Z")
It’s irrelevant _why_ they got drunk. The fact is that the drunkeness does not change their real feelings or personalities. How they act when they’re drunk is who they really are with no filter. The guy who hits on his buddy’s wife while loaded also wants to do it when he’s not loaded. People who spout racist crap when drunk also think it when they’re not drunk. Alcohol does not implant alien thoughts or alter basic personality traits. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/22 "2010-09-22T21:21:58Z")
I guess I don’t hang out with people who get sufficiently drunk - in my experience, the “drunk person saying/doing something requiring foregiveness” is something that happens once in a blue moon, not a regular occurance. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/23 "2010-09-22T21:39:03Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > > [@filling\_pages](#): > > > > This, especially if we are in a situation where drinking is the main activity. I hang out with heavy drinkers. If someone gets stupid and falls asleep on my front steps in the middle of a party, no big whoop. We might get a laugh out of it. Ditto if someone knocks over my beer by accident at the bar - it happens. Since we are all drinkers, we give each other leeway on that sort of thing. Laughing off a friend breaking a glass at my house one night simply balances out the night I accidentally put a hole in that friend’s screen door by trying to walk through it. > > Are you saying you wouldn’t laugh these things off if people were sober? Because I don’t see anything horrible about any of these things. I’m saying, in general, people do not pass out on my front steps, break my drinking glasses, toss my garbage can over a fence, or walk through screen doors unless drunk. They are all, in my life at least, the results of alcohol doing what it does to your balance, consciousness, common sense, and ability to tell if a screen is open or closed. And I give those results a pass, as we all knew any of that could happen once we started drinking. If any of my friends were prone to doing that sort of thing while sober, I’d forgive it, of course, but it just doesn’t often happen. Plus, I might wonder if they have medical issues if it happened on a regular basis. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/24 "2010-09-22T21:39:48Z")
If you turn in to an asshole when you’re loaded, then I’m going to assume that you’re an asshole at heart. If you turn in to a loud, sloppy, silly, horny, depressed, or maudlin mess when you’re drunk, then I’m going to give you a pass. Hey, we’ve all been there at one time or another. ---
**Author:** ![mutantmoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@mutantmoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mutantmoose)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/25 "2010-09-22T21:52:35Z")
Everybody always seems convinced that drink makes people say what they are really thinking but usually hold back on. I’m not so sure. There’s no evidence for this meme. Also if a person normally holds in their ugliest thoughts when sober then isn’t that a good thing? Something to be lauded? Shows they recognise they have ugly thoughts and make an effort to control them. ---
**Author:** ![Bloody\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bloody\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloody_L)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/26 "2010-09-22T21:52:36Z")
I do not think being drunk is an excuse. I have been around, and been with too many drunks to know that they have the choice to drink or not drink and their being a jerk is amplified by drinking. You also know you’ll probably say something you’ll regret, things that are true but you don’t want people to know. “It just slips out.” They know this, and yet they do it anyway. No excuses. ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/27 "2010-09-22T23:04:21Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > Everybody always seems convinced that drink makes people say what they are really thinking but usually hold back on. I’m not so sure. There’s no evidence for this meme. > > Also if a person normally holds in their ugliest thoughts when sober then isn’t that a good thing? Something to be lauded? Shows they recognise they have ugly thoughts and make an effort to control them. No, it could just mean that they recognize that they have socially unacceptable thoughts, and don’t say them out loud out of self interest. Doesn’t mean they think their thoughts are ugly or incorrect. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/28 "2010-09-22T23:49:28Z")
I wasn’t aware that people doing jerky things required an excuse or forgiveness. The OP mischaracterizes the other thread, and doesn’t specify what behavior needs excusing or forgiveness. For those who insist that alcohol is truth serum, does that mean a woman who gets drunk and engages in sex has given consent? After all, she was drunk, so she must have wanted to do it. I don’t support that concept, but that’s the implication of considering a person’s actions while intoxicated to be a reflection of their true feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/29 "2010-09-22T23:52:57Z")
If she knowingly consents, she knowingly consents. Who argues otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/30 "2010-09-23T00:00:29Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > You have to remember that in the other thread the woman in question wasn’t simply a drunk; she had been invited to a gathering at a bar, the purpose of which was to drown everyone’s remorse in liquor. So even if I could have forgiven her (and I don’t know if I would have which is why I didn’t post over there), it wouldn’t be because she’s drunk, it’d be because she’s drunk because she just lost someone that she obviously cared about. > > Edit: Damn you, **Sofia**! That’s how I felt, too. If someone does something bad, though, and their only excuse was being drunk I don’t think I could forgive it. Well…maybe if it’s a one time thing and the “bad thing” was saying, “Ann Landers is a boring old biddy!” But if it’s something like insulting everyone or throwing things or public urination, then no. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/31 "2010-09-23T00:02:27Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > But if it’s something like insulting everyone or throwing things **or public urination, then no**. So I guess forgiving me when I do that _sober_ is out of the question. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/32 "2010-09-23T00:02:42Z")
I have never viewed being drunk as an acceptable reason for anything that I do - and I have done some stupid things while drunk. I am a little more tolerant of others, as long as it is not habitual. A person who gets drunk and does something stupid will \*usually \*get a pass. A person who is stupid while drunk _often_, does not. If you can’t drink, don’t. Having said that, I will also say that it is a case-by-case basis. Some will get a pass, some won’t. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/33 "2010-09-23T00:05:07Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > If she knowingly consents, she knowingly consents. Who argues otherwise? Plenty of people contend that an intoxicated person cannot provide consent. That’s a different discussion though. Personally I don’t believe consent is anywhere near as simple a matter as measuring blood alcohol level. I’m curious if people are consistent in the way they consider people’s drunken actions. And I don’t believe there is a rule that can be applied across the board to determine the effect of alcohol on people’s actions either. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/34 "2010-09-23T00:11:29Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > So I guess forgiving me when I do that _sober_ is out of the question. Well, only if you bring enough for the whole class. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/35 "2010-09-23T00:58:27Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > > So I guess forgiving me when I do that _sober_ is out of the question. > > Well, only if you bring enough for the whole class. Enough piss? ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/36 "2010-09-23T00:58:32Z")
Is a person epitomized by their first visceral reaction or by their true conscience actions? What if for this hypothetical girl, after her friend’s death, it felt good to crawl into a blanket of hatred, loathing, and unjustness and surrender herself to it for a short time. Wake up the next morning knowing it was illogical, that her hatred has no real direction and go on with her normal nonracist life. I think there is racism where you truly believe someone’s self-worth is less than yours is because of the color of your skin, and there is racism where the power is in that it is the ugliest thing you can possibly think of. I would be much more disgusted with the guy that after a few beers started telling nigger jokes than the person who did this. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/37 "2010-09-23T01:09:27Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > > > Well, only if you bring enough for the whole class. > > Enough piss? Or vinegar. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/38 "2010-09-23T01:15:08Z")
My problem with this is that judging people for what they truly think is exactly the opposite of what is encouraged around here. There are quite a few people around here that would be in prison, since they want to kill people when they get upset. Don’t get me wrong–I don’t have sympathy if, when not drunk, you had ample time to come up with defenses to keep something bad from happening, like driving drunk. But it does not make sense not to give at least some sympathy to people having thoughts, and the alcohol releasing their inhibitions enough to act on them. Who among you has not thought something immoral, but restrained yourself from doing it? ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/39 "2010-09-23T02:08:08Z")
Meh, by and large these threads tend to be a lot of teetotalers or drinking light weights who really have no frame of reference as to what real drinking is. I can honestly say I’ve probably spilled more booze in my life than 90% of the SDMB has drank, I don’t much socialize with people that won’t have a drink, and everyone I am good friends with drinks heavily. From my vast memories of being drunk and hanging out with other drunks, I’ve seen no evidence that there is a universal truth to “in vino veritas.” Does the alcohol sometimes bring about things being said that are truly meant, but wouldn’t be said sober? Sure. I’ve seen it cut both ways too, I’ve seen two friends that hadn’t been getting along for weeks make up because they both got drunk and could vent at each other and reconcile. I’ve also seen people unload on their friends over things that had been nagging them for weeks or even years and I’ve seen that turn into long standing dislikes. I’ve also seen a lot of people saying things that are totally illogical in the context of who they are when sober, to the point that viewing those things as “the truth” is just ludicrous. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682/40 "2010-09-23T02:08:11Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > Everybody always seems convinced that drink makes people say what they are really thinking but usually hold back on. I’m not so sure. There’s no evidence for this meme. If it wasn’t what they really feel, where did it come from? And why doesn’t everyone else get those same non sequitors every now and again while drinking? “Gee, I wish all those Jews were dead!” simply isn’t somewhere most people’s minds will venture. > [@](#): > > Also if a person normally holds in their ugliest thoughts when sober then isn’t that a good thing? Something to be lauded? Shows they recognise they have ugly thoughts and make an effort to control them. No, because the sorts of ugly thoughts in **Skald** ’s thread are themselves unjustifiable. Thinking that your friend’s wife is hot is fine, only acting on that thought is a problem. Thinking Hitler didn’t murder enough innocent Jews is itself a problem, even if you don’t try to start up where he left off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-do-not-make-allowances-for-drunkenness-is-this-unusual/554682.md?page=3)