# I done fucked up with my nephew today... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2015, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230 "2015-05-31T01:23:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/41 "2015-06-01T20:28:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > When my nephew was little he used to like it when I put him on my shoulders and walked/galloped around. Until the doorway incident. He is in his 30s now and has no memory of the event. 300 quatloos to **kayaker**! ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/42 "2015-06-01T23:22:44Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Do you ever apologize when your nephews are pissed off? Serious question. In the context presented by the OP, no I haven’t. I don’t know what everyone’s experiences with their nephews are like, but when they were that age our interactions, when not out in public, often involve mock wrestling and the like, and they would often get very riled up and pissed off. I would usually calm the horseplay down when that happened, but I wouldn’t apologise. ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/43 "2015-06-01T23:32:50Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > I don’t believe anyone suggested that dunking the kid was akin to rape. Maybe I’m over-reading your intent in your comment below, and if so I apologise, but to me the inclusion of _“and women!”_ was a clear rape analogy. If that was not your intent, I’ve obviously misconstrued it and retract my comment. > [@Emiliana](#): > > Quite a few people manage to avoid this dilemma by taking no as no. It’s even possible to play with children (and women!), have a grand old time, and avoid ticking them off by not doing things _they ask you not to do_. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/44 "2015-06-02T00:02:01Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > Maybe I’m over-reading your intent in your comment below, and if so I apologise, but to me the inclusion of _“and women!”_ was a clear rape analogy. If that was not your intent, I’ve obviously misconstrued it and retract my comment. Ah, no. I was responding to Shagnasty’s claim that one just couldn’t avoid doing this sort of thing when interacting with children and women. This struck me as a rather astonishing statement. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/45 "2015-06-02T00:10:28Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > Ah, no. I was responding to Shagnasty’s claim that one just couldn’t avoid doing this sort of thing when interacting with children and women. This struck me as a rather astonishing statement. Guilty as charged and my comment certainly had nothing to do with rape. I threw it in their thinking about the times girlfriends and a former wife decided to be mad about me about something. They just haven’t figured out what about yet. One false move or mistake no matter how well intended and they latch onto to that example to launch into a tirade about everything you have done wrong since they met you. That is why I said there is no good way around it. You are going to be torn a new one about something because the emotions are already precharged and ready to fire. They just have to wait for the next opportunity no matter how minor it is. ---
**Author:** ![SarahR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@SarahR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SarahR)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/46 "2015-06-02T00:10:29Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > Ah, no. I was responding to Shagnasty’s claim that one just couldn’t avoid doing this sort of thing when interacting with children and women. This struck me as a rather astonishing statement. Some people genuinely think that being physically stronger than another person gives you the right to disregard their bodily autonomy. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/47 "2015-06-02T00:13:26Z")
If the child was in a ring, he probably is not a strong swimmer or comfortable enough in the water to enjoy this kind of horseplay. Apologizing to him was the right thing to do. Maybe you can make it up to him and make sure you have not instilled fear of water by teaching him how to swim. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/48 "2015-06-02T00:14:20Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Guilty as charged and my comment certainly had nothing to do with rape. I threw it in their thinking about the times girlfriends and a former wife decided to be mad about me about something, they just haven’t figured out what about yet. One false move or mistake no matter how well intended and they latch onto to that example to launch into a tirade about everything you have done wrong since they met you. That is why I said there is no good way around it. You are going to be torn a new one about something. They just have to wait for the next opportunity no matter how minor it is. What does this have to do with the incident described by the OP? His nephew wasn’t waiting around for an excuse to get mad at him. This is what you said: “Those types of things are all about context. You made an assumption about him that didn’t work out. It happens to all of us especially when it comes to kids (or women). You didn’t do anything objectively bad but, for whatever reason, he thought you did at the moment. There is no good way to avoid that dilemma completely unless you never play with anyone at all.” ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/49 "2015-06-02T00:14:34Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Guilty as charged and my comment certainly had nothing to do with rape. I threw it in their thinking about the times girlfriends and a former wife decided to be mad about me about something. They just haven’t figured out what about yet. One false move or mistake no matter how well intended and they latch onto to that example to launch into a tirade about everything you have done wrong since they met you. That is why I said there is no good way around it. You are going to be torn a new one about something because the emotions are already precharged and ready to fire. They just have to wait for the next opportunity no matter how minor it is. Wow, you sure know women. How’s that working out for you? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/50 "2015-06-02T01:05:37Z")
> [@SarahR](#): > > If someone hurts you, hurt them back. What better lesson for a young boy? Hey, he was like five and I needed to use terms he could understand. A year or so later, he slapped me out of nowhere. I asked why and apparently I had accidentally elbowed him. I apologized and that was that. ---
**Author:** ![SarahR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@SarahR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SarahR)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/51 "2015-06-02T01:12:18Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > Hey, he was like five and I needed to use terms he could understand. > > A year or so later, he slapped me out of nowhere. I asked why and apparently I had accidentally elbowed him. I apologized and that was that. You literally taught your child that if someone hurts him, even accidentally, his immediate response should be to hurt them back. Before even making anyone aware of what happened, hurt them back straight away. I’m sure it’s a lesson that will serve him well at school and into adulthood. Maybe next time he smacks someone who didn’t even realize they did anything it will end in a fist fight. To be honest it blows my mind that you can’t see anything wrong with it. If someone hurts you accidentally, they apologize and you get over it. You don’t get to purposefully hit them back dude. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/52 "2015-06-02T01:16:01Z")
> [@SarahR](#): > > You literally taught your child that if someone hurts him, even accidentally, his immediate response should be to hurt them back. No, just me. And this is my nephew we’re talking about, some 30 years ago. I was in high school. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/53 "2015-06-02T02:24:24Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Wow, you sure know women. How’s that working out for you? It works out just fine most of the time but just like any exotic adventure sport, it has its risks. It is basically the same thing as lion taming. You may may think you are in control but you never really are and the wisest rule of all is to never turn your back on an angry one because you will get hurt. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/54 "2015-06-02T03:01:49Z")
Personally I think you should apologise to the kid and get him back in the pool after promising profusely to never tip him again. Then first chance you get, tip him again. When he yells, tell him you just taught him a valuable lesson - don’t trust anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2015, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/55 "2015-06-05T10:19:42Z")
In case anyone cares, in the past few days, I’ve interacted with my nephew heavily, including swimming again, and as far as I can tell, I’ve been forgiven… This time. There won’t be a next time if I can help it. Anyway, to address an above post, he’s a pretty strong swimmer; he was using the ring just as a pool toy. Like I said, I don’t think I would’ve done it to begin with if I had any doubts about his inability to swim (I didn’t, after all, to his little brother, who isn’t a strong swimmer). So there it is. Hopefully I dodged a bullet that I fired (how does that work?). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2015, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/56 "2015-06-05T11:07:17Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > In case anyone cares, in the past few days, I’ve interacted with my nephew heavily, including swimming again, and as far as I can tell, I’ve been forgiven… This time. There won’t be a next time if I can help it. Now blindfold him and let him search treasure island for tootsie rolls. If you have a cat. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2015, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230/57 "2015-06-05T13:25:29Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > In case anyone cares, in the past few days, I’ve interacted with my nephew heavily, including swimming again, and as far as I can tell, I’ve been forgiven… This time. There won’t be a next time if I can help it. > > Anyway, to address an above post, he’s a pretty strong swimmer; he was using the ring just as a pool toy. Like I said, I don’t think I would’ve done it to begin with if I had any doubts about his inability to swim (I didn’t, after all, to his little brother, who isn’t a strong swimmer). > > So there it is. Hopefully I dodged a bullet that I fired (how does that work?). Thanks goodness; now everyone can cut the drama. (not being snarky with \*you \ ***Leaper** ; things just got a little hysterical up in here for a minute). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-done-fucked-up-with-my-nephew-today/721230.md?page=2)