# "I don't care how I get money, as long as it isn't illegal" - Did you just say that? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2010, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484 "2010-08-07T04:34:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/41 "2010-08-11T04:11:08Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I don’t find someone asking for what they need tacky. I find judging people to be a lot tackier. Well aren’t you holier-than-thou. I’m so glad that I was judging actions, not people, so that you won’t think that _I’m_ tacky. It must be other people. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/42 "2010-08-11T06:31:11Z")
I’m getting married in about a year. My wife-to-be and I are around 50, and we have pretty much all the stuff we need. I don’t want any gifts. I don’t want a gift registry. I don’t want cash (well, I do, but not from the people I’m inviting to the wedding). I would really like to say “please, no gifts” on the invitation, but unfortunately, Miss Manners doesn’t allow it. But I really hope that no one brings any gifts. What do you suppose are the odds? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/43 "2010-08-11T13:24:48Z")
Indian weddings are huge on money, too. You can actually buy money necklaces, which are rupees strung together on a string to wear. Certain relatives are expected to take out a wad of cash and “bless” the bride and groom with it and then shower it on them. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/44 "2010-08-11T13:33:15Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > I’m getting married in about a year. My wife-to-be and I are around 50, and we have pretty much all the stuff we need. I don’t want any gifts. I don’t want a gift registry. I don’t want cash (well, I do, but not from the people I’m inviting to the wedding). > > I would really like to say “please, no gifts” on the invitation, but unfortunately, Miss Manners doesn’t allow it. > > But I really hope that no one brings any gifts. What do you suppose are the odds? Say “Please, no gifts” on the invitation. It’s your life, it’s your wedding, and you are the one who has to live with the aftermath. Miss Manners isn’t living your life. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/45 "2010-08-11T13:44:19Z")
This is becoming the norm for the last few weddings I have been to. People are more and more in an established household when they wed, so I have seen many variants of If you wish to bring a gift please bring Euros/Dollars etc for use on the Honeymoon. Not a demand for cash, just a request that if you were to bring a gift, make it cash. I do not find this tacky. Add me to the list of people who would not dream of turning up giftless at a wedding/christening etc reception. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/46 "2010-08-11T13:55:38Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > I’m getting married in about a year. My wife-to-be and I are around 50, and we have pretty much all the stuff we need. I don’t want any gifts. I don’t want a gift registry. I don’t want cash (well, I do, but not from the people I’m inviting to the wedding). > > I would really like to say “please, no gifts” on the invitation, but unfortunately, Miss Manners doesn’t allow it. > > But I really hope that no one brings any gifts. What do you suppose are the odds? Is there anything wrong with “in lieu of gifts, please donate to [list of charities]”? I’m not up on my manners guides. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/47 "2010-08-11T14:48:49Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Is there anything wrong with “in lieu of gifts, please donate to [list of charities]”? > > I’m not up on my manners guides. There will be people who say it’s gauche because anything that hints that people generally give gifts is gauche, no matter that it reflects reality. So, the wedding party is supposed to act almost like it’s a surprise if someone considers giving a gift to the couple. These sorts of “polite fictions” make some people feel better, but they result in the bridal couple getting gifts when they don’t want gifts. Personally, I’d rather be thought gauche than to have someone spend money on me. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/48 "2010-08-11T14:56:07Z")
Too late to edit: Personally, I’d rather be thought gauche than to have someone (often people who can’t really afford it) spend money on me for things I don’t want or need. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/49 "2010-08-11T17:30:04Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > > [@commasense](#): > > > > I’m getting married in about a year. My wife-to-be and I are around 50, and we have pretty much all the stuff we need. I don’t want any gifts. I don’t want a gift registry. I don’t want cash (well, I do, but not from the people I’m inviting to the wedding). > > > > I would really like to say “please, no gifts” on the invitation, but unfortunately, Miss Manners doesn’t allow it. > > > > But I really hope that no one brings any gifts. What do you suppose are the odds? > > Is there anything wrong with “in lieu of gifts, please donate to [list of charities]”? > > I’m not up on my manners guides. Both Emily Post and Miss Manners are against this. Personally, I don’t see the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/50 "2010-08-11T17:40:15Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > There will be people who say it’s gauche because anything that hints that people generally give gifts is gauche, no matter that it reflects reality. > > So, the wedding party is supposed to act almost like it’s a surprise if someone considers giving a gift to the couple. These sorts of “polite fictions” make some people feel better, but they result in the bridal couple getting gifts when they don’t want gifts. Personally, I’d rather be thought gauche than to have someone spend money on me. Isn’t a gift registry a hint that gifts are going to be given? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/51 "2010-08-11T17:46:20Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Isn’t a gift registry a hint that gifts are going to be given? Sure. If you’re formal manners-wise, you don’t put this information on the invitation, either. Personally, I’ve never seen gift registry information on an invitation. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/52 "2010-08-11T20:01:54Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > > [@Malthus](#): > > > > Isn’t a gift registry a hint that gifts are going to be given? > > Sure. If you’re formal manners-wise, you don’t put this information on the invitation, either. Personally, I’ve never seen gift registry information on an invitation. So it ‘works’ because people know to check the registry, and thus don’t have to be explicitly told to do so? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/53 "2010-08-11T20:46:42Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > > [@pulykamell](#): > > > > Sure. If you’re formal manners-wise, you don’t put this information on the invitation, either. Personally, I’ve never seen gift registry information on an invitation. > > So it ‘works’ because people know to check the registry, and thus don’t have to be explicitly told to do so? Once again, the traditional way of doing this, so far as I understand and so far as I’ve encountered in real life, is that you ask close family or friends, or you check the registries at [weddingchannel.com](http://weddingchannel.com) or something like that. These days, wedding websites are also common, and it’s usually considered okay to put up that sort of information there. It’s just that if you’re following traditional etiquette rules, it’s not considered proper to mention anything about a gift in the wedding invitation. Not even “no gifts.” We didn’t really deal with this in our family. We just got an envelope, a card, and stuck some cash in it. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/54 "2010-08-11T22:33:15Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Once again, the traditional way of doing this, so far as I understand and so far as I’ve encountered in real life, is that you ask close family or friends, or you check the registries at [weddingchannel.com](http://weddingchannel.com) or something like that. These days, wedding websites are also common, and it’s usually considered okay to put up that sort of information there. It’s just that if you’re following traditional etiquette rules, it’s not considered proper to mention anything about a gift in the wedding invitation. Not even “no gifts.” > > We didn’t really deal with this in our family. We just got an envelope, a card, and stuck some cash in it. I suppose in that case the answer would be to spread the “no gifts, make a donation to charity” message would be to circulate the info by these means - word of mouth, put on website, etc. I solve this problem by asking my wife what to do, and doing it. She always knows somehow. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484/55 "2010-08-11T22:39:22Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I suppose in that case the answer would be to spread the “no gifts, make a donation to charity” message would be to circulate the info by these means - word of mouth, put on website, etc. Yes, that’s the “by the etiquette book” way of doing things. I don’t necessarily agree with all conventional etiquette advice, but that is what Emily Post, Miss Manners, et al., would say–at least, as far as I know. If I’m wrong, I hope somebody does correct me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-care-how-i-get-money-as-long-as-it-isnt-illegal-did-you-just-say-that/549484.md?page=2)