# I don't even know how to respond to this... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 4, 2015, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799 "2015-02-04T12:39:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![computergeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@computergeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/computergeek)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/101 "2015-02-09T23:53:44Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I think completely ignoring it is the proper response here. If there’s some emotional breakdown or mental illness going on, wouldn’t the friends want to try to help? ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/102 "2015-02-10T00:36:42Z")
> [@computergeek](#): > > If there’s some emotional breakdown or mental illness going on, wouldn’t the friends want to try to help? She claims that she’s seeing a therapist. She won’t take pills, ever, so medication for any underlying condition isn’t going to happen. I’m not sure what we could do. ---
**Author:** ![chachacha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@chachacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chachacha)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/103 "2015-02-10T03:20:50Z")
I’m currently crafting an email to her. I can’t not say how I feel or what I think…I’m focusing on her need for help. I pretty much know what to expect - meaning she will probably block me, make a bunch of cryptic , ‘I’m better than them’ posts on fb and bitch about me behind my back - but seriously the only change I will notice is I won’t have overly precious dog pics popping up in my feed. She already talks shtuff about me behind my back (as she does about most of her friends it seems) and anyone who disagrees with her or has questioned the fictions she spews to the masses is 86’d from her fantasy world. I do feel badly for her and would probably be more willing to try to stick around if I thought it would help her but as Grumpy noted her claims of being in therapy are nebulous at best and she refuses to take any medication. She also has an extremely annoying habit of pretending to the manor born and is completely incapable of receiving constructive criticism. Maybe my exit will affect her and give her pause for self-reflection but I seriously doubt it. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they will get help. I hope she isn’t one of em but it doesn’t look good. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/104 "2015-02-11T02:05:27Z")
She’ll be jealous because you are after her boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/105 "2015-02-11T03:05:44Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > She’ll be jealous because you are after her boyfriend. …which could be interpreted to mean, ‘she wants for nothing’? nice compliment…! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/106 "2015-02-11T17:44:18Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > **Or, grown-ass woman with a maybe fake boyfriend…** > A friend of mine (who lives in another state) – let’s call her Cathy – has had a mysterious boyfriend for the past couple of years. He was on a website a number of us hung out on, and also on Facebook. However, he never posted any photos of himself. “He hates to have his picture taken.” Ok, me too. Whatever. > > Then a mutual friend noticed that Cathy’s boyfriend wrote in a voice that sounded exactly like Cathy’s, and that he always agreed with her. Always, even when she was being a little weird. > > About 8 months ago, Cathy’s mom died, and I went down to the memorial service. Cathy’s boyfriend was not there, because he didn’t like funerals. At Thanksgiving, which we spent together, he was “out of town on work”. > > So, all this is making me think, huh. > > Fast-forward to January. Boyfriend has emergency heart surgery. He is released from the hospital suspiciously early. > > Then suddenly last night, boyfriend has a heart attack and dies. Cathy IM’s me and tells me how freaked-out she is. > > However, when he supposedly had the heart attack, there are time-stamped posts on FB that don’t mention it. > > And then, Cathy posted a photo of the boyfriend. The production of the photo looked too good to be a casual snapshot, so I Google Image’d it…and it’s a Spanish model/actor. :smack: > > So my question is, where the hell do I go with this? I can’t really say, “So, you were dating Spanish model Rafael?” I can’t really just ask, “Did you make him up?” Because if he was real (though my spidey-sense says no.) that would be awful. > > And why on earth would you make up a boyfriend when you’re in your late 40s? WHY? > > So, general thoughts requested. Jokes are fine and appreciated (“this one time, at band camp…”). Because I don’t even know how to address this, or if I should just shut up about it and let it go, since she’s obviously let the “boyfriend” go. First of all, excellent detective work doing the Google image search on the photo! She’s totally busted now. Yes, a lot of funny comments could be made, but I will do my best to be helpful. I know of a couple of people who are pathological liars. They have no trouble lying and put these stories together you know while they are telling them to you are complete and utter BS. But you wait until they are done and end the phone call. These people I don’t encourage communications with. When I see their name on the caller ID, I never pick up and let it go to voice mail. I’m an honest person and tell the truth. I’m not talking about saying I think someone looks fat in a dress to their face, but ethical in my dealings as much as I can be while protecting my own privacy. I can’t stand people who lie and do the kinds of things you mentioned. It has taken me a while to sort this out, but I don’t think they are primarily lying to make others happy, they are truly lying to themselves. Pretending to have a boy friend she doesn’t have is like actually having one in her mind. So she continues to project this story to others. Finally she decided that she couldn’t keep up the facade any longer, and decided to kill him off like he was a character in a story that served it’s purpose. As for you, I know this is going to sound harsh but I would disengage from a friendship and contact from this person. Because if they would lie about something huge like this and entirely invent a person, and pretend kill them off, it is very hard to believe that all other areas of their life they are normal. I don’t see how you can have a meaningful relationship with someone who is going to lie like this and any other times she is having moments of stress or boredom, she goes ahead and invents someone else. I don’t see any point in confronting someone like this. It won’t end well for you and she will continue to lie and get upset. For example, if you showed her all this proof and asked to know where he died, doctor’s name, etc. She is just going to lie more and not admit she made this whole thing up. Even if she did, you aren’t going to have the same relationship you did in the past, because you know she has a serious problem here. You were her friend, not her social worker. Don’t take her on as a project to fix her. It can’t be done and she will just consume more of your time and create dramas to get you involved in that. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/107 "2015-02-11T17:56:26Z")
> [@edwardcoast](#): > > … I’m an honest person and tell the truth. … Hah! The first claim of a pathological liar! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/108 "2015-02-11T17:58:02Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I would totally make a donation to the American Heart Association in his name and send her the notification. > > Why? > > Because it’s a good cause, and I like fucking with people who are fucking with me. As funny as that sounds, I think it would just further validate her big lie. It might even give her cause to drag out this fake grieving process. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/109 "2015-02-11T18:11:47Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Find her a real boyfriend. There is a problem with this. It will go something like this: OP: Hi, I would like you to meet a good friend of mine. You two should hit it off. Guy: Sounds wonderful. Tell me about her. Has she been in a long-term relationship? OP: Yes, well, kind of. Guy: I don’t follow you. OP: She was dating this guy, but he died of a heart attack. Guy: Oh, gosh. I’m sorry to hear that. OP: Well, yeah, it is, but it turned out he wasn’t actually real. Guy: So she’s freaking insane, is what you are telling me? OP: Ah, now that you mention it, yup, I guess she is. Guy: Doesn’t sound like…my type. OP: Yeah, I wouldn’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/110 "2015-02-11T18:38:54Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Yes, that was it. Thank you! > > [Here’s a good Dr. Phil article.](http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/1925/) Thanks for posting the Dr. Phil link. I don’t watch his show, but that was pretty interesting. Never heard the term catfish used for this either. It’s still pretty hard to imagine people would carry on a relationship with someone like this they never met for so long too. In the video from the show, these look like attractive,young and intelligent women, so I don’t know why they would be using online to find guys. I really feel sorry for them for a number of reasons. The biggest is that they have trouble apparently meeting a good guy in real life, and that they were strung along and lied to like this. If someone had stolen their bike and was caught, they could take them to court, but I don’t know what can be done here. If nothing else, a lawsuit to help deter others from doing this same thing. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/111 "2015-02-11T18:42:02Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > This. And if she has a melt down right there in front of everyone and needs to be put in a psychiatric hospital…seems like it would be cheaper entertainment to just watch TV. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/112 "2015-02-11T18:43:34Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > I wondered if it was something like this. Maybe her mother was bugging her about finding someone-- if her mother was ill, it may have even been “Find someone before I die.” I know people whose parents have constantly harped on their need to couple up with someone to the point that they start ducking their parents calls. Then her mother died, so she didn’t need George anymore. > Dammit, I wanted to make the first George Glass reference. Well, you did for me, because I didn’t see the other posting. Better? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/113 "2015-02-11T18:45:39Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > My aunt invented a fake boyfriend, and made up a more and more elaborate story. Then she got more delusional about other things and ended up in an instituion. So I hope the Board will excuse me for not finding this as mock-worthy as some of you would. > > If your friend has come to her senses and feels like this is the best way to push the reset button, I say go with it unless she starts making up other weird stuff. The problem here is that you don’t know to what extend she could be lying about others things and would continue to do so. After all, she is a friend and not her social worker to try to sort out her life and fix it for her. Friendship has to be a two-way street. It can’t be all about one always helping the other and the other one gives nothing back in return except for lies and drama. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/114 "2015-02-11T19:33:19Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Hah! The first claim of a pathological liar! 😛 Hey, hey, hey…I had my toes crossed when I typed that, so I’m in the clear. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![NurseBernard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NurseBernard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseBernard)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799/115 "2015-02-11T19:53:50Z")
If you don’t see her that much, maybe she thought she could get away with creating a BF to make you stop worrying about her. Perhaps, after all the funerals and Thanksgivings things got too weird for her, so she decided to cull him off. I wonder why she didn’t just ‘dump him’ - would have been far less crazy dramatic. Or it’s the truth. Perhaps the bloke was just a bit of a hermit. Or maybe it’s something weirder… Emo Philips once claimed: I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-even-know-how-to-respond-to-this/711799.md?page=5)