# I don't know how to put things in my ass. (a true story) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772 "2003-05-12T19:19:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/21 "2003-05-13T03:00:26Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Anal Scurvy \* > \*\* I just realized I don’t know what my ass tube is called._\* Mine is called Larry. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/22 "2003-05-13T03:20:02Z")
Oh god… My stomach hurts from laughing so hard… Dude, that was _so_ funny! ---
**Author:** ![Mearl\_Dox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Mearl\_Dox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mearl_Dox)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/23 "2003-05-13T03:31:05Z")
_lol_ Another person who’s given herself enemas before, although Fleet enemas for a colonoscopy and not just for the heck of it. My first thought was that you were going to talk about how dang hard it is to get the angles right for those things. There’s other ways to clean out your colon before a colonoscopy, including a certain medicine that comes in a tiny bottle. All you have to do is drink the bottle, and you start clearing out from both ends, your job is over. All you have to do is drink the tiny bottle. All you have to do is take the twooo tiny swigs and things start clearing out. All you have to do is… Last time I had a colonoscopy, the doctor said I could either drink the bottle, or give myself several enemas over the next few hours. I picked the enemas. :eek: At least I can do those without staring in the quiet horror of anticipation first. There are things worse than enemas. Fleet enemas aren’t too invasive. I mean, not too invasive for salt water you squeeze into your butt. ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/24 "2003-05-13T03:32:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by juji\_mojo \* > \*\*Might be harder to give to unto yourself though. With enemas, like with Christmas, I feel it is better to give than to recieve. \*\* :eek: Ohhh, _why_ do I read these threads? Cuz they’re funny as hell? Oh yeah. That’s probably it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/25 "2003-05-13T04:06:30Z")
It has to be said . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . With friends like these, who needs enemas. ---
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/26 "2003-05-13T07:56:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anal Scurvy \* > **I gave myself an enema last night and now I can’t type properly, so bare with me.** Bare with you? Not after _that_ story, enemaboy! ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/27 "2003-05-13T09:58:36Z")
Oh God, that’s too funny. Especially the bit with the cat. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/28 "2003-05-13T10:03:00Z")
“But his name lives on… **Anal Scurvy** , the SDMB Enema Bandit!” ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/29 "2003-05-13T10:04:23Z")
I was going to say that I laughed so hard I almost shit myself, but…I had a feeling it would bring back PTSD-like experiences for the OP. Suffice to say, my ribs ache right now. ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/30 "2003-05-13T10:13:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anal Scurvy \* > \*\* > …Then I locked myself in the bathroom and told my girlfriend to leave me alone… > > …It became very apparent to me that I do not know how to stick things in my ass. Something to do with angles… > > …I was :mad:, totally determined to defeat my anus… > > …I just realized I don’t know what my ass tube is called… > > …Return to me in the bathroom, where I pushed and was suddenly :eek: and **KERSPLASH!** … > > \*\* Quotes to live by 😃 Laughed my, err, ass off… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/31 "2003-05-13T10:25:02Z")
Surely Anal Scurvy would be better treated by inserting foods rich in vitamin C; perhaps beginning with kumquats and working up to limes and lemons; it should not be necessary to go as far as oranges or grapefruit. ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/32 "2003-05-13T12:13:33Z")
Tears are just pouring down my cheeks (of my face). Too funny. You have to submit this to Teeming Extras. You have to. I beg of you to submit it so I can laugh later in life without corrupting the hamsters with a search. ---
**Author:** ![80sHairMetalMaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/ed655f/32.png) [@80sHairMetalMaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/80sHairMetalMaven)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/33 "2003-05-13T14:14:43Z")
:ROTFLMAO: Thas all I gotta say. IDBB ---
**Author:** ![bittersweet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@bittersweet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bittersweet)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/34 "2003-05-13T14:48:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by roadrunner70 \* > \*\*Speechless. > > I am without speech. > > :eek: \*\* Yup. Right there with ya. ---
**Author:** ![Trafalgar\_Laura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trafalgar_laura/32/2907_2.png) [@Trafalgar\_Laura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trafalgar_Laura)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/35 "2003-05-13T19:55:31Z")
PLEASE tell me you didn’t make your girlfriend clean the bathroom afterward. BTW, has she quit laughing yet? ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/36 "2003-05-13T20:12:17Z")
You are the third person I have heard use the word KABOOM while discusing an enema. I’m beginning to think it may not be coincidence. ---
**Author:** ![Bongmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/37 "2003-05-13T20:40:51Z")
Oh man, I’m at the bottom of this thread and still cracking up… ---
**Author:** ![Gopher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gopher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gopher)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/38 "2003-05-13T21:11:48Z")
So uh…what’s supposed to happen if you do it right. Don’t tell me that’s supposed to happen… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/39 "2003-05-13T21:52:21Z")
So…what’s become of our boy **Anal Scurvy**? I hope he’s ok after all that… ---
**Author:** ![lillyflower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@lillyflower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lillyflower)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772/40 "2003-05-13T22:42:44Z")
hahahahahahahahahaahhahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha . . . . . . . . . . . .LOL LOL Man this was soooo funny, I seriously have never read anything so damn funny, thanks for the entertainment…but I have the smae question as some of the other dopers…was this for fun, a sexual thing??? 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-to-put-things-in-my-ass-a-true-story/174772.md?page=3)