# I don't know how you guys treat newbies... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2002, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452 "2002-07-11T17:19:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/21 "2002-07-11T21:14:14Z")
Welcome to the boards, **poser**. In order to join the SDMB, you must complete the initiation ritual. The steps to the ritual are as follows: 1. Meet OG. Og is the resident board diety. He loves to smash. He loves to crunch. Your first step is to go ten rounds with Og. 2. Meet the Invisible Pink Unicorn. The IPU was the resident board deity and still is for those who don’t believe in Og. Step #2 in your initiation ritual is to ride on the IPU. (Of course, you have to find her first)… 3. Meet our entrance exam. Your third step is to answer the following questions. You’ll be expected to identify the questions just by my brief description and, once answered, must never bring them up on the boards again. The questions are: a) the -gry question b) the driveway/parkway question c) the missing dollar question d) the 200 pound bridge/198 person/3 one-pound coconut question 1. The fourth step in your initiation is to swear fealty to our leader, Cecil Adams, and his prophet Ed Zotti. You must also offer up words of praise to our holy Administrators and Moderators. 2. Have fun!! Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/22 "2002-07-11T21:28:49Z")
Missed one, **Zev** … Newbs must read the entire Nazi Groundhog thread backwards twice while drinking milk. Spewing milk from nose results in a -10 post-count penalty. ---
**Author:** ![EggNogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@EggNogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EggNogg)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/23 "2002-07-11T21:40:25Z")
I was forced to eat smokey mildew upon entry. And is that **reddevil** of [SundayLeague](http://www.sundayleague.com) infamy? egg ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/24 "2002-07-12T00:50:13Z")
Well we usually pit someone after their first post, but we are feeling chipper today, so welcome to the SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/25 "2002-07-12T01:23:09Z")
Welcome, **poser** , **desdenova**. I was once a newbie, and some may argue that I still am. We are a rather diverse community, with members from all over the world. I see, **poser** , that you come from your pants. I come from somewhere in Florida. Are your pants in Florida? I could use the landmark, because frankly, I’m lost in this flat, swampy hellhole. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/26 "2002-07-12T01:34:46Z")
Actually, I find a nice dose of penicillin usually clears that right up! 🙂 Welcome both of you to where the smartest people on earth hang out. CJ ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/27 "2002-07-12T01:55:31Z")
Sorry, we don’t treat newbies. Newbies need to pay for their own drinks here. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/28 "2002-07-12T03:02:22Z")
Welcome to the both of you. We value newbies here, unless they turn out to be nasty people. Which so far, neither of you appear to be. So have fun, preview your posts (if they are indignant, you might want to sleep on it first…trust me, I know whereof I speak) and have fun! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/29 "2002-07-12T03:05:18Z")
> [@](#): > > I see, poser, that you come from your pants. Sounds messy. Happy ---
**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/30 "2002-07-12T05:42:36Z")
Hi, Poser…as a newbie (2nd post) but a long time reader, I’ve made a few observations. Your concern about flaming is one of the reasons that I didn’t register sooner, BTW…anyway, on to the observations. If anyone, including a newbie, acts in a stupid manner (racist, sexist, or lazy intellectually)…they’re going to get flamed, and in nearly every case I’ve seen, rightfully so. Newbies sometimes get taken to task for not doing their homework by doing a search on the topic that they have submitted for discussion. Openmindness to other’s opinions go a long way. Nobody will demand that others agree with them, and differing opinions are what it is all about. Hope I don’t sound too pompous…just my 1 cent of reassurance to a fellow newbie. ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/31 "2002-07-12T07:56:30Z")
Welcome dear **poser, desdenova (cute!) and sunstone**. You all sound interesting and promising. Hope you have fun here, as I have. I notice nobody has yet told you about the $5 you need to send to everybody who posts in a thread you start. US dollars please, for those of us who live in banana republics. Catch ya soon Redboss ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/32 "2002-07-12T10:16:30Z")
Howdy, howdy howdy **poser** , **desdenova** , and **sunstone**. Newbies are usually sacrificed to the ravenous hamsters that power this board. Cecil and his cohorts routinely forget to feed them. I myself managed to use my weak Jedi powers to avoid the murderous critters and planted myself firmly in the tongue-in-cheek bank of the Dope River. It’s true what **Redboss** said about the $5 per post. I’m the treasurer 'round these parts. I will be contacting you by email soon and will tell you how to send those bills straight to me. I’ll make sure my fellow DopeHeads get what’s coming to them. 😃 (I’m kidding about the 5 bucks of course. The hamsters, however, are frighteningly real.) ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/33 "2002-07-12T10:29:05Z")
I’ve observed that the newbies who complain most about being flamed are the ones that start completely assoholic threads in GD. Silly, newbie. It’s your idiocy that started the dogpile, not your low post total. Somewhere along the way, the truly assoholic newbie will complain about censorship and might even admit their opening statement was more about provoking a response than provoking a discussion. They get what they deserve. ---
**Author:** ![Stiletto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Stiletto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stiletto)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/34 "2002-07-13T07:41:34Z")
Welcome to **poser** , **desdenova** , and **sunstone**. 😃 We look forward to your contributions. And don’t forget to stop by the [**Welcome Wagon thread**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=122784&highlight=welcome+wagon) to get your appropriate welcome (No flames, just friendly teasing) and the address list for where to send your $5 to every member that posts in your thread. 😉 Have fun, and remember, “Don’t be a jerk”, and you’ll probably get along fine. -Stil ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/35 "2002-07-13T07:43:18Z")
…ohhh. And I just bought a new roll of duct tape. It’s my lucky day. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/36 "2002-07-13T10:12:07Z")
This is _the_ most newbie-friendly message-board I’ve ever seen. Search back to (beginning of the year?) when there was debate about switching to a pay site. The loudest argument against by just about everyone was that it would stop newbies from posting and that would be the death of the boards (as we know it). So, yeah. Welcome! ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/37 "2002-07-13T10:17:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silentgoldfish \* > **The loudest argument against by just about everyone was that it would stop newbies from posting and that would be the death of the boards (as we know it).** yeah, but that was before everyone met the newbie **poser**. 😉 (of course I kid. Welcome poser. Now get over here and let me duct tape you to this post.) ---
**Author:** ![Squish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Squish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squish)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/38 "2002-07-13T10:49:47Z")
Newbie? Newbie? \ Do you think you would taste better a la tartare, marinaded, or slow-roasted on a spit with an apple in your mouth? \ Oh, sorry. Ahem: brains! braaaiiinnnnnnns! ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/39 "2002-07-13T15:28:32Z")
One thing that hasn’t yet been pointed out is how not to be a newbie (or regular, for that matter). For a good(?) example, look up posts by **Ottto** or **Brutus** (there are many others, but the similarity to my own pseudonym made me sit up–or at least raise an eyebrow–and take notice). Go thou, and do NOT do likewise! ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/40 "2002-07-13T18:26:58Z")
I consider y’all to be in ‘Newbie Boot Camp’ until ya hit 150 posts. By then, yer no longer a “newbie” per se, but more like a “fledgeling amateur”. Too many people come and go. It’s too damn hard to keep track of y’all . . . Tripler Trust me on this one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452.md?page=3)