# I don't know how you guys treat newbies... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2002, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452 "2002-07-11T17:19:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/41 "2002-07-13T18:59:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*The Newbie Ritual as Originally posted by zev\_steinhardt \* > \*\*In order to join the SDMB, you must complete the initiation ritual. The steps to the ritual are as follows: > > 1. Meet OG. Your first step is to go ten rounds with Og. > 2. Meet the Invisible Pink UnicornStep #2 in your initiation ritual is to ride on the IPU. > 3. Meet our entrance exam. Your third step is to answer the following questions. You’ll be expected to identify the questions just by my brief description and, once answered, must never bring them up on the boards again. The questions are: > a) the -gry question > b) the driveway/parkway question > c) the missing dollar question > d) the 200 pound bridge/198 person/3 one-pound coconut question > 4. The fourth step in your initiation is to swear fealty to our leader, Cecil Adams, and his prophet Ed Zotti. You must also offer up words of praise to our holy Administrators and Moderators. > 5. Have fun!! > > Zev Steinhardt \*\* You forgot (6) Explain the terms _Felching_ and _squicking_ (7) Know the current and exact count of the number of times the phrase “Hi Opal” has been uttered on this board. Extra points will be awarded for being able to name Opal’s board and the number of times the phrase has been discussed there as well. Then never speak of it again. (8) Do whatever The Mermaid wants. Right now I’d like a tall glass of iced tea with lime and a backrub for starters. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/42 "2002-07-13T19:19:31Z")
Personally, I love newbies - I think everyone oughta own a couple. Another good resource is [Teemings](http://www.teemings.com/) and [Teemings Extra](http://www.teemings.com/extras/index.html) - including my personal favorites - the tales by **Uncle Rue, Story Guy**. Yeah, I stalk him, but I’m his #1 Special Friend, so I have to. Welcome, newbies, one and all. And you can ignore that nonsense about sending $5 to every poster. However, it is incumbent upon you to send me chocolate. No, really, it’s a hard and fast rule. **Chocolate for FairyChatMom**. you can look it up. It’s even in the Congressional Record - at least, it _should_ be! ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/43 "2002-07-13T19:34:34Z")
Squicking? What is _squicking_, and why haven’t I been informed as to its meaning? I demand an answer at once. **Happy Leatherbreather** , err **Lenderbender** , err whatever - in the great tradition of ‘who dealt it, smelt it’, I say ‘who misreads my comment is a poopiehead’. Thus, you are a poopiehead. You probably smelt it, too, you poopieheaded fart-dealer. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/44 "2002-07-13T19:38:13Z")
Hey newbies! If you wanna make your face known to the community trot over to [http://hometown.aol.com/jonahjamsn/sdmbpix.html](http://hometown.aol.com/jonahjamsn/sdmbpix.html) , take a look around, and submit a pic! Oh lord, I’m such a pathetic shill. ---
**Author:** ![Spoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoz)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/45 "2002-07-13T19:46:58Z")
hmmmmmm… youuu guys suuuure write a lot, dontcha? 😉 (yup… it be rainin’ newbies here…) ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/46 "2002-07-13T20:24:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by poser \* > \*\* > Exnay on the Him-tey. I am woman. :rolleyes: \*\* D’oh!! Sorry, hard to tell. On Mars we all wear no clothes, easy to tell sexes apart. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/47 "2002-07-13T21:47:16Z")
> [@](#): > > I consider y’all to be in ‘Newbie Boot Camp’ until ya hit 150 posts. By then, yer no longer a “newbie” per se, but more like a “fledgeling amateur”. Well, some folks think that “150” should be more like 3,000. . My personal belief is that the term newbie should always and only be used to excuse a minor _faux pas_ (not blatant hostility or rank stupidity) associated with being, well, _new_. Other than that, posters is posters. ---
**Author:** ![RedDevil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ec8ea/32.png) [@RedDevil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedDevil)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/48 "2002-07-13T21:54:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EggNogg \* > \*\*I was forced to eat smokey mildew upon entry. > And is that **reddevil** of [SundayLeague](http://www.sundayleague.com) infamy? > > egg \*\* No, sorry! But you look really familiar to me… ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/49 "2002-07-13T23:39:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spoz \* > \*\*hmmmmmm… youuu guys suuuure write a lot, dontcha? 😉 > > (yup… it be rainin’ newbies here…) \*\* Believe me, some people really write a lot. I am very guilty of this, as I’m sure anyone can tell you, if you don’t already know it for yourself. 😉 In fact, I’ve got **zev\_steinhardt** and **John Carter of Mars** (among other people, I’m sure) thinking I type 10,000 WPM! :eek: Then again, there was [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=115210&highlight=Flamster%2A), in which **Eonwe** predicted I’d out-post **handy** in August 2005 if we both continued at our current rates. **Ferrous** said that he suspected that I may already have surpassed **handy** in word count. Just read the thread, it’s sort of entertaining. 🙂 (hey, **lel** even calculated it all out) Newbies? I say we all dunk 'em in the lake and give 'em a good soaking first, as a test to see whether they can withstand the rigors of this message board! 😃 F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/50 "2002-07-13T23:42:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tomndebb \* > \*\*My personal belief is that the term newbie should always and only be used to excuse a minor _faux pas_ (not blatant hostility or rank stupidity) associated with being, well, _new_. Other than that, posters is posters. \*\* Oh, I don’t disagree for a second! I feel there’s just a lot of ‘history’ and ‘atmosphere’ on these boards that you really won’t appreciate until you post for awhile. And 150 is just a nice round number. I look at registration dates anyway . . . Tripler If someone has something valuable to say, I think they should contribute. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/51 "2002-07-13T23:44:08Z")
Oh, and one more thing: don’t worry about any coding errors you might make. Even us old-timers screw up! 😉 (and I’ve seen people with _way_ higher post counts than me make them) All you have to do (if you’re so inclined) is email a mod about it. Then again, the mods already have so much work to do that sometimes it’s better just to leave them there. Nobody will really call you out for coding errors. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/52 "2002-07-14T04:28:18Z")
Old-timers? 🙂 You’ve been here four months, **F\_X**. Ain’t nothin’ old bout yew! Re the OP - you post what you want to say, and if you say it with thought and good reasoning, you’ll be appreciated. If you try to start a fight or employ a transparent attempt to get people to like you, you’ll look like a ninny. Listen to what Tom of **tomndebb** had to say - he’s definitely one of the wisest people on this board. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/53 "2002-07-14T04:44:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > \*\* > > You forgot > > (6) Explain the terms _Felching_ and _squicking_ \*\* Hey **Mermaid** , what the heck is “squicking”? Do I need a straw for it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/54 "2002-07-14T07:40:59Z")
> [@](#): > > what the heck is “squicking”? Do I need a straw for it? Just a skull. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/55 "2002-07-14T08:21:40Z")
\< Squeezes into rental Og costume \> OG politely smash **poser** , **desdenova** , **sunstone** , and **Spoz** (wait a minute, I already greeted you, **Spoz** ). OG kindly crunch **zev\_steinhardt**. OG go ten rounds with **Flamsterette\_X**. \< /takes off old rental Og costume \> Greetings, everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Spoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoz)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/56 "2002-07-14T15:14:51Z")
you think squickin’s bad… wot about “dog helmeting”…? anyone care for a description? ---
**Author:** ![Spoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoz)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/57 "2002-07-14T15:14:51Z")
you think squickin’s bad… wot about “dog helmeting”…? anyone care for a description? ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/58 "2002-07-14T15:44:01Z")
They have all been nice to me so far… squickin’ - WTF? ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/59 "2002-07-14T16:01:09Z")
Okay, Success Team, first ball down the alley on the Group Think Action Sheet today is to offer a neon gold handshake to our newest co-pilots on AirLine Achievement, **poser** and **desdenova**. I myself personally and in a very special way would like to skywrite the fact-oid that flaming activities are redlined here just as we’d hit the ejector seat on any other non-positive team-de-optimising attitudes. So maybe during our first session today we could form a break-out syndicate group to workshop some broad-brush welcome initiatives and white board a few Greeting Affirmations that would dynamise our situation vis a vis newbie/non-newbie integration scenarios. [- Ianzin, who very much enjoyed the recent thread/rant about BT jargon overload and has never quite been the same since.] Welcome to the Boards. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452/60 "2002-07-14T23:24:06Z")
Now that my mouse is finally working, I can make links that actually work, again. Yay! 🙂 I remember posting a thread on any board rules and things that I should know about. You can all view it [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=105190&highlight=Flamster%2A). While I’m waiting for the page to load, here are some things I thought about (which may or may not be duplicated in the linked thread): [ul] [li]Read and review the FAQ. It does change from time to time, you know. ;)[/li][li]Read the forum descriptions, as they’re not just there for decoration, or to make the page look nice.[/li][li]You can always email a mod (or three) if you’re unsure about where to post something, or whether to post something at all. They’re busy, but I’m sure they’d appreciate reading one additional email rather than having to move/delete a thread.[/li][/ul] F\_X [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-know-how-you-guys-treat-newbies/118452.md?page=2)