# I don't like being around flamers - Does that make me a bad person? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2003, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503 "2003-06-04T03:27:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/21 "2003-06-04T17:24:11Z")
**neutron star** For the record, I am gay. Growing up in a fairly small town, where being gay was just something that one does not do, I too was made uncomfortable by being around really effeminate men. To me, really effeminate gay men reflected a stereotype that I didn’t want to be. I would see how the one really effeminate gay guy in my school would be judged by how he acted, and how he was treated, and I really didn’t want to be associated with that myself. My discomfort with it was based on my fears of everybody knowing that I was gay, and fears that being gay made me a worse person. Later as I became more comfortable with my sexuality, I grew more comfortable with the gay men who acted that way. I don’t act effeminate myself, as it is just not who I am, but I did gradually become more comfortable being around men who do. I like working on/restoring cars, playing with engines, paintball, fairly normal 20 year old male stuff. The poster who said it was culture shock hit the nail right on the head. Growing up in my small town, it just wasn’t accepted behavior. You just weren’t supposed to act effeminate. I’m not nearly as uncomfortable with guys who act like that now, it just took me some time to adjust to the differences in mannerisms from the way everybody I had known acted. Believe me, you aren’t alone in feeling umcomfortable by people acting like that. It is just so different from how men are taught to act, that if you aren’t used to being around it, will make you uncomfortable. Needless to say, going to my first gay club was definitely a foreign experience for me. Going from my sheltered small town life to seeing Drag Queens performing on stage, and guys dancing uninhibited together to music with the Throbbing Homosexual Beat[sup]tm[/sup] (our name for the techno dance music they were playing) was quite an experience. ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/22 "2003-06-04T17:42:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Thaidog \* > \*\* If all you know is a gay lifestyle and it’s not looked down upon and whatnot… and is positively enforced psychologically… chances are that person will go gay… \*\* Would you have a cite to back this up by any chance? A child raised by a gay couple would seem to be a perfect example of someone who is in a situation where being gay is not looked down upon and is “positively re-enforced” and yet the majority of kids raised by gay parents are in fact straight. [cite](http://www.apa.org/pi/parent.html) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/23 "2003-06-04T17:44:05Z")
Personally, it totally picks my butt to be around women that talk all baby-talk and call me pet names when they’ve just met me. I find it really annoying and don’t like to spend much time with women who do this. This, of course, does not mean that I don’t like women. Heck, I _AM_ a woman - at least last time I checked - ummm, yep, still a vagina in my pants. So - no, I don’t think finding a particular set of mannerisms annoying makes you a bad person, or is even inherently bad. I must admit that I have a friend that does the “baby-talk, shnookie, wookiums” shit all the time, and I don’t really notice unless it’s pointed out - so, I think if you’re willing to keep an open mind about people, you’re A-ok. Finally, I too would like to know how someone can be “turned-gay”. ---
**Author:** ![Thaidog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/50afbb/32.png) [@Thaidog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thaidog)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/24 "2003-06-04T17:47:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by musicguy \* > \*\*Would you have a cite to back this up by any chance? A child raised by a gay couple would seem to be a perfect example of someone who is in a situation where being gay is not looked down upon and is “positively re-enforced” and yet the majority of kids raised by gay parents are in fact straight. > > [cite](http://www.apa.org/pi/parent.html) \*\* a goose raised by a human does what? There are plenty of studies that indicate such behavior… and fuck no, i’m not calling anybody here a goose. My job calls me and I have no more time to give any more cause to this effort… I don’t hate gays… Think what you want peace… i’m out. ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/25 "2003-06-04T17:50:09Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Thaidog \* > \*\* My job calls me and I have no more time to give any more cause to this effort_\* I’ll take that as a no. Thanks for playing ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/26 "2003-06-04T18:25:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tanaqui \* > \*\*Perhaps you feel there is a secret gay conspiracy that rewards parents with turning their children into homosexuals. \*\* Of course there’s a gay conspiracy! I’m counting on it. I figure that by the time the Beansprout reaches his sexual maturity, I will need a new toaster, so I am working on him hard. I’m making him wear a pink onesie and watch _Priscilla Queen of the Desert_ over and over. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/27 "2003-06-04T18:34:06Z")
**neutron star** Don’t worry about feeling bad about not liking flamers. You’re not a bad person. The dislike of someone’s mannerisms has no bearing on what you think of a group of people. Flaming is just the homosexual version of macho. Personally, I dislike macho straight men as much as I dislike flaming gay men. ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/28 "2003-06-04T18:40:02Z")
I’ll repeat and rephrase: What’s flaming? ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503/29 "2003-06-04T18:41:56Z")
Oops, **Hey You!** just gave an explanation. Never mind. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-like-being-around-flamers-does-that-make-me-a-bad-person/179503.md?page=1)