# "I don't masturbate." = "I am lying." **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 9, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948 "2005-12-09T21:53:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rhinocerous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@Rhinocerous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhinocerous)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/1 "2005-12-09T21:53:40Z")
Would you agree? Even the most conservative church lady lies if you ask me. ---
**Author:** ![threemae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f9b8f/32.png) [@threemae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threemae)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/2 "2005-12-09T22:05:39Z")
I don’t know, look at the old Kinsey and McMaster studies I guess. They found that some 95-98% of the population has or does masturbate, so it’s probably true, but _somebody_ doesn’t. Not masturbating wouldn’t be so rare as to warrant a write up in research journals. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/3 "2005-12-09T22:16:15Z")
Some people (esp older people) have very low sex drives and some medical drugs mess up your sex drive. Although quite rare I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that some people never masturbate. Unusual, but not impossible. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/4 "2005-12-09T22:25:48Z")
Believe me, it does happen. There are are at least several women out there who do not, and I have dated them. I have found that the frequency of masturbation in a woman is directly proportional to the quality of your sex life with her after the first two months. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/5 "2005-12-09T22:28:03Z")
> [@flight](#): > > I have found that the frequency of masturbation in a woman is directly proportional to the quality of your sex life with her after the first two months. Interesting. So, we now know what question to ask on a first date… ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/6 "2005-12-09T22:38:56Z")
We don’t all masturbate. Some of us don’t really care that much about getting off alone. What’s to lie about? I’m lazy! I let someone else do all the work! ---
**Author:** ![Rhinocerous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@Rhinocerous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhinocerous)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/7 "2005-12-09T23:10:47Z")
> [@flight](#): > > Believe me, it does happen. There are are at least several women out there who do not, and I have dated them. I have found that the frequency of masturbation in a woman is directly proportional to the quality of your sex life with her after the first two months. AHA! How is it that you know that these women didn’t actually masturbate? Were you constantly around them to watch them not masturbate? I think that they just didn’t want you to think that they masturbate. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/8 "2005-12-09T23:44:10Z")
I know people who would answer ‘no’ to the simple question ‘do you masturbate’. Because it implies regularity, whereas they may only do it every few months, or even less frequently. So they feel that ‘no’ is the less-dishonest answer, when compared to ‘yes’. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/9 "2005-12-09T23:46:20Z")
> [@Rhinocerous](#): > > AHA! How is it that you know that these women didn’t actually masturbate? Were you constantly around them to watch them not masturbate? I think that they just didn’t want you to think that they masturbate. Brilliant! The fact that they deny it is proof that they masturbate!!! Some of us have honest relationships, where we’re able to talk about such things without any bullshit, exaggeration or awkwardness. ---
**Author:** ![Rhinocerous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@Rhinocerous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhinocerous)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/10 "2005-12-09T23:54:36Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > Brilliant! The fact that they deny it is proof that they masturbate!!! > > Some of us have honest relationships, where we’re able to talk about such things without any bullshit, exaggeration or awkwardness. AHA! You THINK that you have honest relationships, where you’re able to talk about such things without any bullshit, exaggeration or awkwardness. But behind closed doors you frequently visit pornographic websites and masturbate like crazy, and the fact that you can’t monitor each other at all times may not proove anything . . . but certainly allows for that condition to exist. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/11 "2005-12-09T23:56:28Z")
I abstained for about six months aruond the end of my marriage. Sometimes you’ve just got a suppressed sex drive, and you don’t feel like it. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/12 "2005-12-09T23:59:04Z")
> [@Rhinocerous](#): > > AHA! You THINK that you have honest relationships, where you’re able to talk about such things without any bullshit, exaggeration or awkwardness. But behind closed doors you frequently visit pornographic websites and masturbate like crazy… You’re a genius. Except that the honesty included not having any hangups about porn or masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![Rhinocerous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@Rhinocerous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhinocerous)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/13 "2005-12-10T00:14:54Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > You’re a genius. Thank you, I agree! > [@GorillaMan](#): > > Except that the honesty included not having any hangups about porn or masturbation. True, but I also doubt that you both took an oath to never masturbate. What if after that statement was made, one of you masturbated in the shower while thinking about having sex with Jennifer Aniston? Surely there’s nothing wrong with that, and one would not be required to report the mastubatory interlude to the significant other. And this situation implies no hangups about porn or masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/14 "2005-12-10T00:19:33Z")
> [@Rhinocerous](#): > > True, but I also doubt that you both took an oath to never masturbate. … Huh? What? You did notice that I never talked about people that never masturbate? Only about those that do it so infrequently that it becomes a talking-point within a relationship. And that these people are perhaps likely to answer ‘no’ to the straightforward question “do you masturbate?”. In the same way as someone who only ever gets drunk on Christmas and their birthday would answer ‘no’ to the question “Do you drink to excess?”. ---
**Author:** ![Rhinocerous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@Rhinocerous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhinocerous)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/15 "2005-12-10T00:29:03Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > Huh? What? You did notice that I never talked about people that never masturbate? Only about those that do it so infrequently that it becomes a talking-point within a relationship. And that these people are perhaps likely to answer ‘no’ to the straightforward question “do you masturbate?”. In the same way as someone who only ever gets drunk on Christmas and their birthday would answer ‘no’ to the question “Do you drink to excess?”. Well, IMHO, if somebody masturbates infrequently, they still masturbate. So if they are asked, “Do you masturbate?” and say no, they are lying, because they do in fact masturbate, just not frequently. The correct answer, IMHO, is “I masturbate infrequently.” Or perhaps even the more subtle “I don’t masturbate frequently,” which implies that they do masturbate infrequently. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/16 "2005-12-10T00:53:04Z")
It depends a little, I doubt anyone without a serious physical or mental problem, who is over 12 has never masterbated. I have met someone who didn’t like to masturbate and was trying to get over a mental block that made him not do it. So he might well honestly have said he doesn’t masturbate, since it just didn’t work for him. Though in this case it was an embarrissing situation, so he may well have claimed to masturbate if asked casually. Someone who ‘proudly’ asays they never masturbate is I think almost always lieing. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/17 "2005-12-10T01:03:03Z")
Hell, I’m masturbating right now! Duck! ---
**Author:** ![Rhinocerous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@Rhinocerous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhinocerous)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/18 "2005-12-10T01:07:23Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Hell, I’m masturbating right now! > Duck! If you’d like to hurry the process along, I’d be happy to send a picture of myself via e-mail. I have some enticing photos of myself doing handstands, jumping jacks, and lunges in the nude. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/19 "2005-12-10T01:10:08Z")
> [@Rhinocerous](#): > > If you’d like to hurry the process along, I’d be happy to send a picture of myself via e-mail. I have some enticing photos of myself doing handstands, jumping jacks, and lunges in the nude. Thanks for the offer, but I got an internet chock full of nekkid chicks. Here, have a tissue… ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948/20 "2005-12-10T01:17:04Z")
I suspect that for most people you’d be right. But then again, I’ve been told I’m lying when I told the woman asking me about a liver function blip (turned out to be Hep-A) and I mentioned I’d not had sex in the past year. So, your assumption is likely to get you hit by someone is pretty pissed that you’re a bloody-know-it-all. And one who had just happened to find the exception to your rule, too. Exceptions happen. Get over yourself. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-masturbate-i-am-lying/334948.md?page=2)