# I Don't Tell My Friends That I'm a \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 18, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774 "2009-12-18T19:26:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/81 "2009-12-23T19:05:48Z")
… poet. Very few people know, even though it’s an important facet of my personality and one of my biggest passions. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/82 "2009-12-23T19:08:33Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I didn’t say it bothers me “this much”. I was responding to the thread, as in, I wouldn’t tell him that to his face. He deserves much better, both physically and intellectually (and I touched upon both). > > Also, I don’t tell my friends I can cook. If they found out, I’d always be asked to cook! But that’s not the thread. This is for things you don’t tell your friends about yourself…not about them. I don’t tell a lot of my friends that I collect small plastic men and often spend my time repainting and resculpting parts of them to improve or change them. I also don’t tell them that although pretty liberal I dislike abortion and am pretty moderate when it comes to immigrant issues. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/83 "2009-12-23T19:17:40Z")
> [@Serenata67](#): > > Well, at least we’re not alone in the fact that we’re loners. You could form a club; there’d be a secret handshake, monthly potlucks,… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/84 "2009-12-23T19:21:14Z")
You guys are my friends so why would I tell you? ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/85 "2009-12-23T19:32:59Z")
As a Canadian, I’m very careful about telling anyone I own & shoot handguns for fun, and participate in tactical shooting competitions where you basically learn & practise effective gunfighting. If it got out, I’m afraid of being considered an incipient Columbine looking for a place to happen. Ironically, doing this helps me totaly mellow out. My wife avoids mentioning she’s an oncologist as much as possible, even using my family name (she practises under he maiden name). She also keeps secret that she’s a huge harry potter fan, a trait which she shares in secret with a number of other oncologists at the center. It’s a regular little coven of wizzard & witch lovers over there. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/86 "2009-12-23T19:55:15Z")
Ah, I thought of more - That I want to be a novelist and have a half-finished novel in the works is well-known. What isn’t well known is that it’s a romance. An honest to goodness-Harlequin style romance, with steamy sex and the basic falls-in-love-feels-betrayed-makes-up plotline. For some reason, it always feels like I should be writing some great piece of literature, but I am enjoying this and should own it. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/87 "2009-12-23T20:41:24Z")
> [@trupa](#): > > As a Canadian, I’m very careful about telling anyone I own & shoot handguns for fun, and participate in tactical shooting competitions where you basically learn & practise effective gunfighting. If it got out, I’m afraid of being considered an incipient Columbine looking for a place to happen. Ironically, doing this helps me totaly mellow out. Well, you just told a Canadian here, and I admit my first reaction was a tiny brow-raise (no more than that though, I am open minded), then I saw your location: Alberta. “Oh, that explains it then!” said I, and down went the brow. Amazing that you’d have to hide that in Alberta, that’s I think the one place in this country that wouldn’t look at a shooting hobbyist strangely. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Not that surprising. There are lots of places where everyone around you is likely to be Christian, and very few where everyone around you is likely to be an atheist. Hmmm, perhaps it’s just from hanging around the Dope that I think everyone should be open minded, and not embarassed to be Christian or atheist, or pagan, or Wicca, or whatever. (Except for you Harry Potter fans, you **freaks!** 😉 ) Or maybe it’s because other Christian Dopers here don’t feel the same way that they have to “hide” being a Christian less they get unfairly “labelled”. ---
**Author:** ![Chris\_Luongo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Chris\_Luongo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chris_Luongo)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/88 "2009-12-24T00:25:15Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Three things. > > I’m pro-choice, and most of my friends are as emphatically liberal as I am. So I don’t tell them that I think abortion is pretty shitty and can really only imagine a handful of extreme scenarios where it seems morally justified to me. > > I also do not advertise the fact that I’m extremely pro-immigration. Even most Democrats I know would probably be uncomfortable with my views on that subject. The main reason I don’t discuss it is because I feel so emotionally affected by the plight of immigrants in the U.S. that it’s impossible for me to maintain my composure and have a rational discussion about it. I’m hoping as I learn more, that’s going to change. > > And I of course do not advertise my atheism. I don’t want to hijack this thread, but are there any other posts on this board where you discuss your views about immigration? I would like to see them. I’ve always very much liked immigrants and other cultures, but generally viewed illegal immigrants as criminals, until I ended up with more Brazilian than American friends, learned fluent Portuguese, and assimilated into their culture, and see things much differently. (Working on Spanish now!) I think my experiences have left me able to see and understand both sides pretty well, but I’m still always open to learning more. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/89 "2009-12-24T00:26:01Z")
Oh, I kind of hide it here. Have you seen some of the vicious rants about how stupid I must be to have such a mind virus and how I support industrialized violence? There are lots of people out there who think that the song “Imagine” makes a really deep point, as if “Nope, the atheists never oppressed anyone. Nope, never, not listening.” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/90 "2009-12-24T03:38:06Z")
> [@Chris\_Luongo](#): > > I don’t want to hijack this thread, but are there any other posts on this board where you discuss your views about immigration? I would like to see them. > > I’ve always very much liked immigrants and other cultures, but generally viewed illegal immigrants as criminals, until I ended up with more Brazilian than American friends, learned fluent Portuguese, and assimilated into their culture, and see things much differently. (Working on Spanish now!) > > I think my experiences have left me able to see and understand both sides pretty well, but I’m still always open to learning more. I’m convinced I have a lot of valuable insight to add to the debate based on my undergraduate major in Spanish (which included a lot of immigration study), direct experience working with immigrants and my stint volunteering in Mexico and talking to Mexicans about their personal experience. However, I’ve never been able to participate in a GD thread on the subject without some snarky assholes belittling me. I don’t like taking unpopular stances on things… I’m not a troublemaker and I’m not out to prove I know more than anyone else. I don’t claim to be an expert. I’m just this girl who can’t ignore what she’s witnessed in the field and what she’s uncovered in her limited research on the topic. Other people want to blame and belittle individuals for making choices in an effort to survive–I want to talk about Latin American history, U.S. economic systems and foreign policy, all of which I believe play a key role in understanding the magnitude of the situation. It’s much bigger, much more grey, and much more macro, than people often realize. I am so into this topic that if I am accepted into the Ph.D. program in social welfare at my current university, I plan to write my dissertation on immigration policy. Someday maybe I’ll actually know enough to feel like I have a solution. I have PMed you my perspective on the subject, hopefully it will be enlightening. If someone wants to start a thread about it after Christmas, I’d be willing to participate. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/91 "2009-12-24T15:11:43Z")
> [@SurrenderDorothy](#): > > and I don’t tell anyone I’m a recovering anorexic. Though they can probably figure it out… these days, the “recovering” part isn’t as accurate as it was. I used to talk about it a lot. Now, not really. …hey …HEY! My read of this is that you may feel you are no longer recovering because you are active again. I know _NOTHING_ about this stuff - at all - but if my interpretation is correct, then you know you need to choose to act on this. The fact that you no longer talk about it suggests to me that because you are actively not eating again, you no longer want to draw attention to it so you are not called out. I am sorry if I am doing so now inappropriately or inaccurately. Again, this ain’t my area… …either way, take care of yourself; for a variety of reasons, including to be there for your dad. * * * As for stuff I don’t admit to, yeah, there are a few, but rarely out of fear of offending anyone. Life’s too short. My town as a ton of successful business folks / i-bankers and lawyers in it; mentioning a love for Buffy or metal or the movie Primer or Watchmen is met with blank stares or the “conventional reaction” - they smirk because they think the stuff is juvenile. Sometimes I push it further and offer to have a discussion, but it rarely goes far. What is frustrating is that they watch the Sopranos, have a point of view about Good Cinema and read Guns, Germs and Steel. They know enough about pop culture to know what is Good and Tasteful™ but not know exactly _why_… …and also, I must note, there are plenty of exceptions. There is a guy who collects old vinyl, women with whom I have wonderful book discussions, a physicist who teaches at Columbia up the block. It is just hard to tease out a solid discussion on a regular basis… ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/92 "2009-12-24T19:15:02Z")
I don’t tell anyone that I play Eve Online. You know, the stigma about nerds who live in their basement and play WOW all the time seems like it would be attached to anyone who plays _any_ MMORPG. ---
**Author:** ![633squadron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/ee59a6/32.png) [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2009, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/93 "2009-12-25T01:18:09Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > So – what don’t you tell your friends about yourself? C’mon, you can tell us. We’ll keep it a secret, we swear. I don’t tell people that I have mental illness. I control it with medication and therapy, but I still have it, and it flares up briefly from time to time. I was hospitalized for it (voluntarily) for a brief time. That should put everything on this thread into a bit of perspective. If your religious or political views are different from those in the rest of the culture around you, then you’ll get some arguments, and even some anger. It pales in comparison to the isolation you’ll get when people know you’re sick (as someone wrote here, even about her _father_ for crap’s sake). It’s ten times worse if people know that you have a history of mental illness, even if you’re not suffering from it at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2009, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774/94 "2009-12-25T14:23:09Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > mentioning a love for Buffy Oh yeah, that reminds me that I hardly ever mention my love for all things Joss Whedon (except _Dollhouse_; I tried, but just couldn’t get into that show). It’s like admitting you go to Star Trek conventions – but only if the other person even knows who Joss Whedon is (or has ever watched Buffy, Angel, etc.). I once got a “Joss Whedon is My Master” t-shirt, but never quite felt up to wearing it in public. Now it’s in the drawer of shirts that I only sleep in. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-tell-my-friends-that-im-a-____________/521774.md?page=4)