# I don't understand Blow Jobs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 6, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218 "2003-02-06T16:09:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/41 "2003-02-07T03:13:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Meatros \* > \*\*I see, you must have **very deep relationships**. With this attitude I doubt you will ever meet the girl of your dreams. > > Better than sex? No, I don’t think so. There’s nothing better than when two people achieve simulatenously, IMO. Well, I’m female and I feel the same way about oral. It is a dealbreaker for me and I have a very deep relationship with my husband, who I’ve been with for 9 years. So just because you consider that shallow doesn’t mean it is. Some people have very specific wants and needs and seeking a partner that fulfils them rather then being dissatisfied seems smart to me. Also, I disagree about two people “achieving simultaneously”. I think it’s highly overrated, in fact. Give me excellent oral and a nice nap afterwards. Purrrrrrrrrr… ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/42 "2003-02-07T03:15:16Z")
Oh, and I was going to say- I never get jaw aches any more from giving BJs. There are methods to use to avoid it and make is much more fun then work. I shant detail it here, but I can say that practice makes perfect and there’s no reason it can’t be much fun for both 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/43 "2003-02-07T03:36:11Z")
Not much to add, really, except to step into the debate and say that in my experience sucking cock is physically harder than eating pussy. Immensely less complicated, but physically harder to keep on with for extended periods of time. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/44 "2003-02-07T03:39:47Z")
In addition to the afore-mentioned jaw-ache, my the things that limit the oral in my household are: 1. The lost opportunity cost. Oral’s virtually always part of foreplay for us,but my husband realy likes the whole “lay bake and do nothing all the way to orgasm” thing. We don’t do that as often as he’d like because to me it is pretty directly giving him pleasure at the cost of my own: I like to get fucked, and if he comes in my mouth, I’m not gonna get fucked that night. Dosen’t mean he dosen’t get a blow job once a week or so–he does. But he’d get even more if they didn’t mean such a sacrifice on my part. 2. Boredom. My dear husband is so slow to come, so likes to enjoy the ride, that blow jobs are a minimum of 15 minutes and often over half an hour. I’m a member of the MTV generation. I get bored. An extensive back rub helps with this, but, again, that interferes with the “BJ as a chance to worry only about yourself” fantasy. \*\* The fact that she obviously derives no pleasure from pleasing me, and is only willing to do those things that physically please her, is starting to piss me off.\*\* **Slowmindthinking** , I sympathize with you, I really do, but the only way that this: > [@](#): > > The fact that she obviously derives no pleasure from pleasing me, and is only willing to do those things that physically please her, is starting to piss me off. is going to get better–whether or not you stay–is if you change your thinking. Gifts are gifts. They don’t have strings attached. If you enjoy pleasuring your wife–really, truly, enjoy it–then do it for your own selfish joy, and not to manipulate her and not to get points for being a better person than her. If the pleasure you get from pleasing her isn’t worth the cost–all the direct pleasure you’ll never get and that you are giving up by staying with her–than leave her and leave her with a whole heart, because there’s nothing wrong with leaving a relationship as long as it’s done up front and honestly. People want what they want and get pleasure from what gives them pleasure, not from what **should** give them pleausre. Don’t spend time worrying about what should make your wife happy: you know what does make her happy and what she is willing to give you. If that’s not enough for you, it’s OK to go. If it is enough for you, stay and remember that you are chosing to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/45 "2003-02-07T03:45:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*Well, I’m female and I feel the same way about oral. It is a dealbreaker for me and I have a very deep relationship with my husband, who I’ve been with for 9 years. So just because you consider that shallow doesn’t mean it is. Some people have very specific wants and needs and seeking a partner that fulfils them rather then being dissatisfied seems smart to me. > > Also, I disagree about two people “achieving simultaneously”. I think it’s highly overrated, in fact. Give me excellent oral and a nice nap afterwards. Purrrrrrrrrr… \*\* Hey, maybe it’s just me, but if I ran into _the woman of my dreams_ (which I have and I’m marrying her) and she didn’t give me head I would just let it go. Is it shallow to do otherwise? Not necessarily, but keep in mind that although I was responding to that particular part, I had Flynn’s entire post in my head. I think it was the flippant “C-YA” that made me question his “Deepness”. His post is as follows: > [@](#): > > It is true that they are held in high reguard by most men. If I met the girl of my dreams and she meet or Exceeded all of my desires but didn’t give head. > C-YA!! > It’s better than sex. It is like having a custom fit vagania that is always wet, it’s not messy (for the guy), facials give a man a sence of power. > There are some girls that I would never have intercourse with but would gladly take a blowjob from! > Blowjobs are all good! For all I know, he has perfectly stable and non-shallow relationships; however the manner in which he presented his post made me think otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/46 "2003-02-07T04:32:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Urban Ranger \* > \*\*Because men are pigs. Or at least a large number of them. \*\* Goodness. Sure, some men are pigs, and if so, they’re also pigs when it comes to blow jobs (InLikeFlynn has thoughtfully provided us with with a text book example of the phenonemon.) But what does liking blow jobs, per se, have to do with being a pig? If giving blow jobs is important to me, what does that make me (I mean other than popular 🙂 ) ? ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/47 "2003-02-07T04:57:27Z")
Uh, pig-herder? 😃 **Meatros** , but isn’t that true? If you just look it it, lots of men are just selfish and want to be just at the receiving end. Besides, being a man, I can say bad things about men. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/48 "2003-02-07T16:38:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Urban Ranger \* > \*\*Uh, pig-herder? 😃 > > **Meatros** , but isn’t that true? If you just look it it, lots of men are just selfish and want to be just at the receiving end. Besides, being a man, I can say bad things about men. 😃 \*\* I know what you are saying but I think a lot of _people_ want a little sole attention at the receiving end. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing unless you never reciprocate or if you _demand it from an unwilling participant_. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/49 "2003-02-07T17:33:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Urban Ranger \* > \*\*Because men are pigs. Or at least a large number of them. \*\* So… as a gay man who loves to give head but is apathetic about recieving it in return, does that make me a trough? ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/50 "2003-02-07T17:39:14Z")
For us married guys, it’s the 15 minutes of silence… ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/51 "2003-02-07T17:51:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mockingbird \* > \*\*So… as a gay man who loves to give head but is apathetic about recieving it in return, does that make me a trough? \*\* I am always surprised to see this attitude. How can you be apathetic about it? Does your hubby not do it right? I suppose it boils down to…ahem…different strokes for different folks (is that a pun seeing as this is a BJ thread?). I know that not all men like head, but it’s still wierd in my opinion :D; I mean _it just feels so good!_ ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/52 "2003-02-07T18:10:30Z")
> [@](#): > > There are some girls that I would never have intercourse with but would gladly take a blowjob from! > Blowjobs are all good! Bill? Is that you??? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/53 "2003-02-07T19:13:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cjhoworth \* > On the other hand, being aware of the gentleman’s increasing excitement enhances my own dramatically. I do agree with you about the jaw ache, though, but isn’t that what hands are for as well? I do use my hands as well… and I take breaks sucking and just lick of course… _blush_ but the last bf kinda turned me off of giving bj’s except as a foreplay thing because if I ever gave him one to orgasm, like Manda JO, I didn’t get fucked that night. In fact nothing was reciprocated at all. Which is one reason why he’s now the ex (it was all about his pleasure and none of mine. I was merely the body… I heard he replaced me pretty quickly). I don’t mind giving bj’s (hey I need the practice anyway to avoid the jaw ache right?) but if he gets me all ready, and I get him off I get pissed if get nothing in return. If he’s just tired or it’s an occasional thing okay… but this was a regular thing. [sub]_Cannot believe she’s discussing this on an MB… sinks into the ground_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/54 "2003-02-07T19:44:52Z")
Obsidian… That cracked me up because of the practice makes less jaw ache thing… I’ve honed my technique so I don’t have jaw ache anymore and we used to call it “practice” for that reason too (jokingly anyway) \*I Must be a very lucky girl because my hubby always makes sure I’m happy and sleepy 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/55 "2003-02-07T23:01:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Persephone \* > \*\*But doesn’t the parachute get in the way? 😉 > \*\* Nope, they’re for wusses. And stop trying to cloud the issue 😃 ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/56 "2003-02-07T23:52:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*Oh, and I was going to say- I never get jaw aches any more from giving BJs. There are methods to use to avoid it and make is much more fun then work. I shant detail it here, but I can say that practice makes perfect and there’s no reason it can’t be much fun for both 🙂 \*\* AAWWWWW… Why shant you?? Er Why NOT??! 😛 Blowjobs! Its nots just for foreplay anymore!! As someone already meantioned, its not about power, its about being special. Someone gives me head, I feel the love in that. Theyre willing to do that for me, that makes me feel real good. All that action just to give ME pleasure. Thats erotic. She may be on her knees but I am the one helpless before her. She asks me for anything during that time and the answer is “YES! Dont Stop. Anything you want! Yes! Yes! YES!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2003, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/57 "2003-02-08T07:17:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by InLikeFlynn \* > **There are some girls that I would never have intercourse with but would gladly take a blowjob from!** From Merriam-Webster: > [@](#): > > **intercourse** > **3 :** physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person \ \ ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2003, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/58 "2003-02-08T07:42:47Z")
Hey, **Walloon** , doesn’t this Webster guy realize that you can get in trouble these days for contradicting a President, even if he’s out of office and was a Democrat? Sorry, it’s just that I really miss Clinton jokes. Besides, I think we all pretty much knew what he meant. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2003, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/59 "2003-03-29T21:16:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bup \* > \*\*I have similar feelings to **essvee**. I have never felt more accepted -absolutely, unconditionally accepted- as when a woman has been that kind of intimate with me. > > Even the self-loathing part of me -and it’s no small part of me- has to admit then, that yeah, I think she must really like me. \*\* Holy crap! Thanks, **essvee**. You perfectly articulated something I’ve been feeling for years, but never put into words. If I didn’t think I’d have to explain it 400 times, I’d add it to my sig. (I hope you see this, someday, to get your props.) ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218/60 "2003-03-29T21:25:24Z")
I see the props and have received them. Thanks, Davebear. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-understand-blow-jobs/153218.md?page=4)