# I don't wanna have sex right now- do you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 26, 2009, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484 "2009-02-26T05:38:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/101 "2009-02-28T23:54:33Z")
> [@](#): > > How on earth does one “invite” a guy to grope her boobies? > > The Honour of Your Groping > Is Requested > At the Boobies Of > Miss Jean Marie Hufnagel > > ? Pepper Mill cracke up when I read her this. We imagine a scenario more like: “Here – give this feel. Whaddya think? Is that a Great Boob, or what? Take it out for a test suck.” If only… ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/102 "2009-02-28T23:56:16Z")
> [@EdwardMartinIII](#): > > Starvation economy, man! > > If access to sex is restricted, sex becomes more valuable. > > Trouble is, practically \*anyone \*can have sex. > > Soooo, the next thing you do is try to convince people that sex that’s \*easy to get \*has less value, or that sex that’s hard to get has some intrinsic value. > > Like water. Water’s easy to get and pretty much most water’s just fine. If I came to you and said "Pay me four dollars for this cup of water, you’d laugh in my face. But, if I managed to convince you that this was Special Water, that this was Previously Untouched Water From A Glacier, that this water had been Certified Way Cool, and I carbonated it a bit and sprinkled some berry juice in it, I might get your four bucks. > > And you’d get some water, a fine story and a little fruit flavoring, plus you’d be on my marketing email list forever. bing fucking o your a social insights genius dude ! really! ---
**Author:** ![Vox\_Imperatoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Vox\_Imperatoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vox_Imperatoris)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/103 "2009-03-01T00:27:46Z")
> [@Caveat\_lector\_1](#): > > Wow this thread is really kind of mind blowing for me. That is the reason I stick around here though, to see the different, and very foreign, perspectives. For me sex is very much tied into emotional intimacy. I may be attracted physical to someone after five minutes (or instantly more likely), but I wouldn’t have any real desire to sleep with them. And someone who expected it after three dates? Well we’d likely not work out at all as we’d have very different views of sex. > > Due to my religious and moral beliefs I’d not sleep with anyone before I was married to them. This also means I take it pretty slow as I don’t intend to go far at all. However lets pretend I’m an atheist who is okay with premarital sex for a moment. Even then it would be months at least because it would take that long to build up the emotional intimacy required for me to want to share myself with someone to that extent. For me sex is not primarily tool to build intimacy (though it does), but to enhance and deepen something that does already exist. However even in that case I’d likely not expect it. This is pretty much exactly my opinion on the subject. The “three dates” attitude is just completely foreign to me, and I also wouldn’t try to date anyone without at least the possibility of it developing into a long-term relationship. Valete, Vox Imperatoris ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/104 "2009-03-01T02:50:53Z")
> [@Uncommon\_Sense](#): > > It’s a made up term. Use your imagination. > Think along these lines…overly hairy…non-showered…on the rag (not always bad in and of itself)…doesn’t wipe well and/or is incontinent…semen from last date still evident… > you get the picture. That was terrifying to read. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/105 "2009-03-01T04:20:42Z")
> [@ParentalAdvisory](#): > > That was terrifying to read. Just think love… Uh, well, NOT… ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/106 "2009-03-01T04:23:13Z")
> [@EdwardMartinIII](#): > > Denigrating people who are sex-positive as sluts and whores and so forth is just crappy. Likewise denigrating people who prefer to wait until the third child before they have sex as uptight Puritans is equally crappy. > > It’s just better when people find other people who are complementary. It’s too bad our society is so sex-negative that sexuality can’t be discussed as openly as diet, hobbies, and other more common partner-flavored values. I’m definitely on the side of sex-positive, and my openness about it has scared men off quite a bit. However, it’s a better thing that I _was_ being rejected by them before the first official “date”, as I would have been wasting my time with men too timid to handle me as a girlfriend. > [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > “sweet, she’s a slut! Guess who’s having fun for the next couple months?!” Now, if that fun turns into a relationship, sweet! If not, it’s not really a big deal. Even though I have been known to initiate sex early, the test is almost always in that first sexual encounter. If it’s good, he gets a second chance. If it’s bad, he most likely won’t hear from me again. Generally, I get to know the guy for at least a few hours of conversation before I initiate a date, so it’s not like I’m jumping into the sack with a complete stranger, but at the same time, I’m not holding out unless I’m not horny or I’m doing it on principle. (I have done the latter exactly once to prove a point to the guy in question; it worked quite effectively, but I wouldn’t do that to myself again.) I don’t see sex as being inherently tied to emotions, but at the same time, I’m not willing to “give it up” for just anybody either. I just happen to be a little more impatient about satisfying my urges through means other than myself and don’t mind taking that part of the “relationship” for a test drive early on. Sexual compatibility is important to me, so I tend to like to get at least some aspects of that out of the way quickly so I know whether I’m wasting my time on a guy who bores me in bed. I do, however, also use a similar rubric when it comes to whether he stimulates me intellectually; if a guy can’t keep up with me mentally or just doesn’t share enough of my interests/is baffled by my intelligence/is expecting a girl who can’t think her way out of a paper bag, I’m not likely to initiate sex or another date. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/107 "2009-03-01T04:27:18Z")
> [@nashiitashii](#): > > I’m definitely on the side of sex-positive, and my openness about it has scared men off quite a bit. However, it’s a better thing that I _was_ being rejected by them before the first official “date”, as I would have been wasting my time with men too timid to handle me as a girlfriend. > Even though I have been known to initiate sex early, the test is almost always in that first sexual encounter. If it’s good, he gets a second chance. If it’s bad, he most likely won’t hear from me again. Generally, I get to know the guy for at least a few hours of conversation before I initiate a date, so it’s not like I’m jumping into the sack with a complete stranger, but at the same time, I’m not holding out unless I’m not horny or I’m doing it on principle. (I have done the latter exactly once to prove a point to the guy in question; it worked quite effectively, but I wouldn’t do that to myself again.) > > I don’t see sex as being inherently tied to emotions, but at the same time, I’m not willing to “give it up” for just anybody either. I just happen to be a little more impatient about satisfying my urges through means other than myself and don’t mind taking that part of the “relationship” for a test drive early on. Sexual compatibility is important to me, so I tend to like to get at least some aspects of that out of the way quickly so I know whether I’m wasting my time on a guy who bores me in bed. I do, however, also use a similar rubric when it comes to whether he stimulates me intellectually; if a guy can’t keep up with me mentally or just doesn’t share enough of my interests/is baffled by my intelligence/is expecting a girl who can’t think her way out of a paper bag, I’m not likely to initiate sex or another date. I kinda want to fuck you NOW! and I guess it’s not the first date yet… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Chase\_Ransom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@Chase\_Ransom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chase_Ransom)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/108 "2009-03-01T06:58:17Z")
Just to clarify, since at some point we kind of derailed into “sexual compatibility” (my fault I guess), I am not saying that waiting is wrong. IMO its a fine practice if that is how you prefer it. However, I think the considerate thing to do at the begining of any relationship, is to clarify some issues you may have with certain subjects as early as possible. Leaving sex aside for a minute just to make my point: If you have made up your mind that you absolutely don’t want to be married, have kids, etc., those are things you should communicate soon. Not wanting to have kids is fine and dandy, but we can all agree that the majority of humans expect to have kids someday. To drag someone through 3, 4, 5…10 dates and already get them emotionally involved with you without telling them this, IMO, is fucked up. Another quickie: You shouldn’t wait until the 5th date to tell someone “oh yeah, I am divorced and actually, I have two kids (they live with their mother in Florida)”. Sexual preferences (including your limits, rules and expectations), are no different. It should happen sooner than later - especially if you are in any way contemplating your date as a possible candidate for SO in the future. ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/109 "2009-03-01T10:39:55Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > How on earth does one “invite” a guy to grope her boobies? > > _**The Honour of Your Groping > Is Requested > At the Boobies Of > Miss Jean Marie Hufnagel**_ > ? **Green Bean** , why are you using your stage name? More information is needed: Is this a formal or informal groping? An afternoon or evening groping? A reception to follow at Hooters? Will refreshments be served? [SIZE=“1”]I checked my in box and mail box and my invitation hasn’t arrived yet [/SIZE] 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/110 "2009-03-03T14:16:48Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Pepper Mill cracke up when I read her this. > We imagine a scenario more like: > > “Here – give this feel. Whaddya think? Is that a Great Boob, or what? Take it out for a test suck.” > > If only… Ya’ know I actually knew a girl who had such a great pair of tits she got to be on Good Morning America because of them. She basically told me to cop a feel to see how real they felt. (No test suck tho’) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2009, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/111 "2009-03-03T14:27:51Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > How on earth does one “invite” a guy to grope her boobies? > > _**The Honour of Your Groping > Is Requested > At the Boobies Of > Miss Jean Marie Hufnagel**_ > > ? That is _awesome_. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/112 "2009-03-03T22:04:16Z")
> [@Chase\_Ransom](#): > > Leaving sex aside for a minute just to make my point: If you have made up your mind that you absolutely don’t want to be married, have kids, etc., those are things you should communicate soon. Not wanting to have kids is fine and dandy, but we can all agree that the majority of humans expect to have kids someday. To drag someone through 3, 4, 5…10 dates and already get them emotionally involved with you without telling them this, IMO, is fucked up. The problem is that there’s a huge gray area between ‘I’m waiting for marriage to have sex’ (or ‘I’m asexual’) and ‘Let’s do it now.’ There’s a feeling out period, and it varies from person to person. Also, just because you’ve done one thing before doesn’t mean you’ll continue doing it (e.g. if you’ve slept with someone early on several times only to have the relationship fizzle). The ‘three date rule’ is also a little screwy when you take into account how rare actual, traditional dates are (at least in my social circles). You meet at a party, go for coffee, meet for drinks after work, go to an event… not exactly buying someone candy and flowers and dropping them off at home every single time. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484/113 "2009-03-04T00:01:56Z")
“Dating? Isn’t that what our parents used to do?” In my limited experience with women most attempted relationships will crash and burn almost right away. Very awkward. The rest will have us both giggling like middle schoolers and acting like idiots. We’ll quickly descend into debauched happy fun time. Not necessarily sex, but pants will be on the floor and cleanup will be required in aisle 3. Bring a bib, etc. Of course, that’s just been my experience. I can’t relate to those who talk about trying to trick (er, woo) a woman into bed for months at a time. For me it either fails massively almost right away and it’s obvious nothing is going to happen, we’re not compatible, we don’t see the world at all the same, she has huge hang ups about sex or finds me a disgusting human being or whatever, **or** (1% of the time) it’s pretty obvious we like each other and things go swimmingly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-wanna-have-sex-right-now-do-you/487484.md?page=5)