# I don't want to attend my friend's son's high school concert **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2023, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780 "2023-11-07T21:05:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2023, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/41 "2023-11-07T22:59:32Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > “Dangerous Liaisons.” > > Quite well played. Except, I suppose, that if the rest of the plot subsequently played out [spoiler alert] @Mean_Mr.Mustard would lose the will to live and die in a duel, heartbroken that he had rejected a concert that in truth he desperately wanted to attend. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2023, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/42 "2023-11-07T23:03:25Z")
I will say this: while its true no one is owed an explanation, people who never give explanations as a matter of policy are hard to feel close to. I work with sone people like this, including my boss: hes always deliberately vague about why he needs to leave early (again) or what the family emergency was (again) or whatever. At some point it juat seema like hes bsing us. People who always make vague excuses more often than they actually accept invitations give the definite impression that they just don’t really want to participate in any sort of relationship. Which is fine, but it is something you need to be aware of. ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2023, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/43 "2023-11-07T23:13:29Z")
“Yeah, that’s not really my thing, but thanks for asking.” ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2023, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/44 "2023-11-07T23:25:10Z")
The fundraising company’s that traffic to schools would alarm you. At parent meetings for these fundraiser things the adults are given the hardsell on how to hardsell tickets, Those people are nearly scammers IMO. I realize school extracurricular activities need to fund raise. And I’ve donated to my share. Anytime my kids brought home tickets to sell into the trash they went. No exceptions. Anything they were in I spent many hours volunteering for. I wasn’t gonna let them nazi-sell to family and friends for one more candle or crappy gift wrap paper. Tickets to an event weren’t even in play. I didn’t buy them, I didn’t sell them. Yet somehow I was always working these events. Donate to the program if you want, I wouldn’t go if I had no real interest. ---
**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2023, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/45 "2023-11-07T23:25:10Z")
> [@SunUp](#): > > “I recently overextended myself, organizing a series of online polls that will require my attention for at least the next month.” > > h/t to **elbows** for the phrasing, and **mmm** for the polls. “And BTW what do you think is the best song that begins with the letter I?” As for the $35 price tag, ouch! Count me in as another parent who never had to pay for tickets for their kid’s band or orchestra. And my musician kid graduated from college just 3 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2023, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/46 "2023-11-07T23:27:00Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > What kind of high school orchestra concert charges $35? Is this some kind of fundraiser? Seriously, I think only paid $25 to see Van Halen in the 80’s. I have never been to a school musical concert, performance, play or musical that charged an admission. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/47 "2023-11-08T01:08:13Z")
It is a fundraiser. And I am the guy who always says, “just say no thank you”, no other explanation is necessary. But this feels a little different for some reason, in part because I would be effectively saying “I don’t really care what your kid is up to.” mmm ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/48 "2023-11-08T01:10:06Z")
Gentle hypocrisy is the grease on the cogs of the social machine. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/49 "2023-11-08T01:34:12Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > But this feels a little different for some reason, in part because I would be effectively saying “I don’t really care what your kid is up to.” I don’t get that vibe at all. Of course, I’d be too embarrassed to ask any of my friends/family to pony up $35 and drive an hour to see anything I or my kids have ever done. How good of a friend is this? Any reasonable person would understand that if it were either/both less expensive/closer, you’d readily attend. I also think most reasonable people should appreciate that pretty much no one else is as interested in their kids’ activities as they are. I think it is to your credit that you are giving this so much thought. Many people would just not respond to the invite. I personally think a vague “Maybe” when you do not intend to go is ruder than a “No.” Maybe instead of “No thanks”, you could say something like, “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t work for me.” The tricky part is to not respond in kind if they up the rudeness by pressing for additional explanation. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/50 "2023-11-08T06:09:16Z")
“To be honest, I wouldn’t attend this concert even if it was my own son that was playing in it.” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/51 "2023-11-08T06:27:36Z")
You know your friend better than we do. But, to me, you seem to be overthinking it. I wouldn’t think you were interested in my kid just because you didn’t want to attend a concert you’d have to pay for. I’d know going in that you might say no. That’s entirely expected with a fundraiser. Fundraisers are veryich part of Ask Culture: you generally ask everyone. Now, if it were the kid asking you, then maybe I’d think he really wants a concert fan to hear him perform. But the parent asking? Nah. But, again, you know your friend. You know better how they think. But I’d at least consider the idea that he doesn’t really expect you to say yes. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/52 "2023-11-08T07:34:36Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > Covid, perhaps? That’d take care of several days. Yeah, Covid, tell his you are too old to expose yourself to that many people that close. And that is good advice for the not-so-good Dr Deth. _I am not a real doctor._ Can you just buy a ticket for the fundraiser? ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/53 "2023-11-08T08:51:30Z")
I have no issue turning things down, or with friends who do the same. Surely there’s an expectation that adults have their own plans and interests that might not align with yours? I always prefer the honest response personally, which in this case would be ‘School concerts aren’t my thing. I suffered enough at my own!’. Or the nicely blank ‘Thanks, but I have other plans’. My (adult) nieces are HEAVILY involved in amdram, and constantly send out invites to terrible musicals, I always just politely refuse. They don’t take offence. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/54 "2023-11-08T11:09:00Z")
amdram? What’s that? ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/55 "2023-11-08T11:11:11Z")
American Drama? Maybe it’s a thing in the UK. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/56 "2023-11-08T11:39:04Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > I encourage everyone, all the time, to familiarize themselves with [Ask vs Guess culture](https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/) because misunderstandings between the world views inevitably causes unnecessary conflict until both sides understand what the other side is actually saying in these requests. An excellent point, worth considering here. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/57 "2023-11-08T12:08:11Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > amdram? I’m guessing amateur drama. Anyway, about the concert. Just say you aren’t interested and don’t worry about the friend thinking you aren’t interested in your kid. $35 is a lot for tickets to a high school concert . Add in the fact that it’s an hour away , and I’m definitely not going. Personally , I think it’s weird that your friend even invited you - in all the years that my kids were involved in activities , the only thing I “invited” anyone to were a couple of activities that took place ten minutes from where my mother and sisters live. Never friends. Being vague most likely won’t help - at some point, he’ll need a definite answer to know whether to buy you a ticket or not. He’s not going to pick up that vagueness means you aren’t interested. And don’t let other people set your schedule just because you are retired - ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/58 "2023-11-08T12:10:21Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Thoughts? Well, if you don’t key “interested” or “going”, it is an accepted social media fact that you aren’t going. You don’t have to make any excuse. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/59 "2023-11-08T12:18:18Z")
My aunts always used “It’s too dark to drive that late, and my eyes aren’t up to the task.” The old, weak and feeble defense is valid. ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2023, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780/60 "2023-11-08T12:18:21Z")
By this time in my life (8th decade), I have invested heavily in “paving the road” for exactly these kinds of situations, including being invited to my brother’s sister’s best friend’s cousin’s first T-ball game that’s two hours away. I casually, but regularly, bring up in conversation that: 1. My wife has a general neuropathy and has difficulty walking some days due to hip and joint pain. She often uses a cane and has a handicapped placard for her car. She won’t drive at night. 2. I have Meniere’s disease and am subject to episodes of vertigo and nausea, triggers unknown. 3. It’s difficult, and sometimes expensive, to leave our two large dogs for more than 4-5 hours at a stretch. 4. We are both retired with adequate, but limited, incomes. “Thank God our insurance is covered by Sandra’s State Employee’s Union retiree medical plan! We couldn’t make it otherwise!” 5. Both our late spouses passed away in their early 40’s of brain tumors. As for that T-ball game? Sandra would find it too challenging to walk and sit in the afternoon sun. Your best friend’s wedding next weekend in Toledo? Too late to make arrangements for the dogs. Taking your (junk of a) ski boat out on the lake this afternoon? My Meniere’s is acting up. Contribute to the Annual 2K Walk for Flat Feet? Sorry, we put all our charitable contributions to the County Hospice Program, who were such a blessing to our late spouses. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-attend-my-friends-sons-high-school-concert/992780.md?page=4)