# I Don't Want To Hear That!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2000, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145 "2000-01-25T19:06:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/61 "2000-01-27T06:03:00Z")
“Hey, this guy is going to be famous.” “Wow, this is going to be a new syndrome.” “Hey, get a load of this. They told me about it in medical school, but I thought I would never see it.” “Don’t worry about it, Dr. Smith, everybody makes a mistake now and then.” * * * The Coyote gnaws … but he does not swallow. ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/62 "2000-01-27T06:10:00Z")
It’s impossible! There are so many. Everyone of them have made me smile, and quite a few gave me a giggle fit. I’m going to frame them all. I’ll print out the thread and give it to a friend who has a Cad setup. Thanks a lot, guys. Your posts have really perked me up. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/63 "2000-01-27T06:32:00Z")
“Christ, with all that stuff we left in him, it’ll be like a time capsule for the coroner.” ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/64 "2000-01-26T23:05:00Z")
“Whew! And I thought they smelled bad…on the _inside_!” ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/65 "2000-01-26T23:07:00Z")
Damn. Funny line and I screwed it up. Should be: “Whew! And I thought they smelled bad…on the _outside!_” ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/66 "2000-01-27T00:53:00Z")
The day before I go in for surgery, I’m at a state park using the bathroom. Two guys are getting ready to shower and start talking about their wives that are nurses. “She talks in her sleep.“Ok Mr Jones, now were just going to wash you up a bit.”” “God, I hate hearing that.” “I keep seeing her rubbing this guy down.“Now we’ll just dry you off.”” “It makes me jealious.” The conversation went on a bit more. I kept thinking of what they said all before the surgery. ---
**Author:** ![timmar68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@timmar68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/timmar68)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/67 "2000-01-27T04:14:00Z")
Oops! This WASN’T the patient that was supposed to get his testicles amputated? * * * MaryAnn I’m sorry you didn’t win, mom, but I’ll give you a constellation prize! -Greg ---
**Author:** ![coosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@coosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coosa)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/68 "2000-01-27T04:32:00Z")
“Damn, I forgot to take my seizure medication this morning.” (Female surgeon) “Goddammit, get out of my way! I’ve got PMS and I’m cramping like hell!” “We’re out of suture material? Wait a minute, I’ve got some superglue in my pocket.” “Oops.” “Oh shit.” “I feel dizzy - I think I’m gonna pass out.” “Hey! Anybody got a camera? I want a picture of this!” * * * Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. - Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/69 "2000-01-27T04:42:00Z")
“Cecil Adams? Who’s Cecil Adams?” * * * “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead ---
**Author:** ![ams265](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@ams265](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ams265)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/70 "2000-01-27T04:45:00Z")
“I believe I’m going to throw up now.” “Boy, that sure is a lot of blood on the floor.” “He’s waking up, hit him with this bedpan.” * * * “Aw c’mon Ren, I want to be a MAN, like the nice lady.” ---
**Author:** ![blackwrangler98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ce7236/32.png) [@blackwrangler98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blackwrangler98)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/71 "2000-01-27T05:14:00Z")
If we change these around, wonder if he will notice his blood is flowing backwards? I brought in some extra garden hose in case we sever an artery. Isn’t there a patient down the hall who needs a kidney transplant? How about we throw in a free face-lift just for practice? (you can hear the music from Psycho playing on the intercom) ---
**Author:** ![SterlingNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@SterlingNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/72 "2000-01-27T08:27:00Z")
“What d’ya mean I can’t eat in here” “Hold on a sec. . . ‘The neck bone is connected to the shoulder bone. . .’” “We didn’t give him enough anesthetic! That’s O.K., there’s some weed in the storage. Stil fresh, I checked.” “Blood. . . Kool-Aid, what’s the dif. There both red.” “And make the cut here. … DAMN, The internet browser crashed AGAIN!” “O.K., you can spray for cockroaches.” “So, he’ll be under for four hours, right? We can go to lunch now and come back in time to finish.” “Let’s start. Where are the leeches?” ## “To thee, O Lord. . .” [This is America](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/WPlate/2000-01/15/147l-011500-idx.html) A black woman warns cabbies to protect themselves by refusing to pick up young black men. ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/73 "2000-01-27T09:33:00Z")
“Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, and Dr. Howard. Please report to OR immediately.” “Why don’t we just amputate the leg and take all the veins we want?” “Curare? Is that a good anesthetic?” (and stolen from Warhol’s _Frankenstein_) “To know death, Otto, you must first fuck life in the gall bladder!” ---
**Author:** ![coosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@coosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coosa)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/74 "2000-01-27T09:59:00Z")
BTW, Wally, I think you should print these out and tape them to your chest before the surgery. Just some sort of guidelines for the surgical team. Don’t forget, you’ll have 20 pussies happy and purring when you roll through the doors - not bad for a guy with a gimpy heart. * * * Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. - Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/75 "2000-01-27T10:09:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by coosa: > **20 pussies happy and purring** ## Will you **please** knock that off, some people are trying to work here 😉 **Coldfire** * * * _ **"You know how complex women are"** _ - Neil Peart, **Rush** (1993) ---
**Author:** ![SterlingNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@SterlingNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/76 "2000-01-27T16:26:00Z")
## This is something you _really_ don’t want to hear. [ul][li][Healthy Kidney Mistakenly Removed from Patient.](http://www.iwon.com/home/news/news_article/0,11746,12354%7Coddlyenough%7C01-27-2000::08:15%7Creuters,00.html)[/ul][/li] [This is America](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/WPlate/2000-01/15/147l-011500-idx.html) A black woman warns cabbies to protect themselves by refusing to pick up young black men. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/77 "2000-01-27T17:15:00Z")
\*Yeah, I have had a rough week. I was basically forced to leave this message board I posted to, simply because I accused people of being other people and kept lying about my evidence. Nobody loved poor little Phaedrus. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/78 "2000-01-27T17:55:00Z")
…So the tee was here by his neck, and the trap was about where his belly button is. So I’m thinking “play it safe with an iron.” Anyway… * * * VB Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish! ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/79 "2000-01-27T20:16:00Z")
Dammit Nurse! More duct tape! ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145/80 "2000-01-27T21:33:00Z")
WallyM7: I think your wife won the contest. As you said in the OP, you don’t want to hear this if you wake up in the middle of surgery: > [@](#): > > Only a weirdo like you would find humour in this. But it seems from the way you wrote the message that you misinterpreted her remark. 🙂 * * * Chaim Mattis Keller [ckeller@kozmo.com](mailto:ckeller@kozmo.com) “Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.” – Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-hear-that/13145.md?page=3)