# I don't want to sound alarming but I need some advice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2016, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844 "2016-09-13T10:02:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/1 "2016-09-13T10:02:56Z")
Let’s say that I find myself in a situation where keeping a series of documents, which I will refer to as “evidence”, in a safe but accessible place, may be wise. To make things clearer, I need to make sure that the evidence I’m talking about is out of reach of a certain person who has repeatedly made clear death threats against me, while insuring that said evidence is found in case something happens to me. While I will not disclose who is making the death threats, I’ll point out right away that it’s not the CIA, Reptilians, Men in Black of Bin Laden’s ghost. I’m talking about a very real person whom I happen to come across on an unfortunately regular basis. I don’t think that the threats are really serious. The person who has uttered them is a pathological liar and a manipulative coward. However, that person’s behaviour has become increasingly erratic in recent months (it was never quite sane to start with) so I can’t rule out a very small possibility that something may be afoot. In that case, I want the evidence to be discovered by the relevant authorities. So far, it’s on one of my work computers, in a file that’s titled “In case of problem”. I know I should perhaps report this to the police but first, as I said, I don’t think the threats are an imminent or real danger. Moreover, the evidence that I have so far is not 100% incriminating. However, in case of trouble, I think that it will certainly be of interest. Finally, and most importantly, there are some people around that should be spared this circus at all cost, as long as nothing serious happens. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/2 "2016-09-13T10:12:30Z")
Sounds tricky! Is there someone you trust whom you could tell about this – other than SDMB? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/3 "2016-09-13T10:33:16Z")
Google’s [Inactive Account Manager](https://publicpolicy.googleblog.com/2013/04/plan-your-digital-afterlife-with.html) should look after it for digital data. > [@](#): > > Google has now rolled out a technological solution, a euphemistically titled “Inactive Account Manager” tool (“Control what happens to your account when you stop using Google,” the company says, i.e. die). With the tool, you set an amount of time you want Google to wait before taking action (3, 6, 9 months, or a year). One month before that deadline, if Google hasn’t heard from you, it will send you an alert by either email or text message. If that month closes out and you still have not re-entered your account, Google will notify your “trusted contacts” – you can list up to 10 – and share your data with them if you have so chosen. And provide the “certain person” with copies of what your 10 friends will receive if you die suddenly. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/4 "2016-09-13T10:55:43Z")
You want a lawyer. Put the information in a safe deposit box along with a concise account of what it all means to you. Make a will and give the will & the safe deposit key to a lawyer who handles estates. Designate someone as your executor. You don’t have to tell them the hairy details now - just tell them that you have a will and the name of your solicitor. When your body is discovered in the library in Chapter 2, your executor will recover your documents, solve your murder and marry the lovely young millionaire. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/5 "2016-09-13T11:13:03Z")
It sounds like multiple copies is the best option, one of which would be a safe deposit box. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/6 "2016-09-13T11:20:33Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > When your body is discovered in the library in Chapter 2, your executor will recover your documents, solve your murder and marry the lovely young millionaire. So someone will actually benefit from this situation? Great. More seriously, thanks for your suggestions, they’re helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/7 "2016-09-13T11:34:58Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > So someone will actually benefit from this situation? Great. Minimize your contact with that person. Only where you you need to be and if necessary make them either get over it of come to you. And remember, not everything is as it appears. If I look at this, for instance, it looks like a clear planning and authorization on-line to try assault and to try to kill someone by car, almost in clear sentences, listed in single player game-names: almost untraceable. [But is it really a premeditated plan to try to kill someone?](http://images.akamai.steamusercontent.com/ugc/266099102114681441/EA5A81F5CD1671EB179DF2C1466C3A0CCC36D429/) ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/8 "2016-09-13T11:55:10Z")
Load the evidence onto a jump drive that’s attached to your key chain. Your keys are always with you, right? If they find you dead, (heaven forbid!), they WILL check that drive, I’m pretty sure! Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/9 "2016-09-13T12:05:37Z")
Okay, but what if the keys are in the OP’s pocket when s/he gets stuffed into the wood chipper? ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/10 "2016-09-13T12:22:02Z")
I don’t think your work computer would be a good place to store the info. The IT dept will typically clear all info by formatting the drive. Get a lockbox and keep it in your house. It’s a good place to keep important documents anyway. If anything were to happen to you, the box would be noticed and opened. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/11 "2016-09-13T12:40:35Z")
I think what you’re doing is fine. If you really don’t think anything will come of it, you’ll be wasting resources to start throwing money after it. Just document everything (maybe get video/audio recordings of some of it as well or even get a witness or two or at least mark down anyone who saw/heard anything) and toss it all in a file folder and keep it somewhere where that’ll be rifled through in case something does happen. Right on your desk at work or, IMO better, in your car or out in the open at home. Now, if this person is not a friend, you might be better off just going to the police with this file and asking for restraining order, _especially_ if you have a witness or sometime of proof beyond ‘well he said \_\_\_\_’ and then ‘I saw him again at Dairy Queen and he said \_\_\_\_\_’. A few people will to sign witness statements saying ‘that guy is effin nuts’ would go a long way. Also, you could check your city/county’s public records data base and see if the person has been in trouble before. Have they had any other restraining orders? Have they had any problems with exes in the past? Have the done anything else that have made judges require them to get a psych evaluation? Again, all these things might help (if you go this route) to get a judge to say ‘yeah, no problem, we have a lot of problems with this guy’. One last thing, if you really don’t thing he’s going to hurt you and he’s just sort of starting to get on your nerves, you might just have to suck it up and the next time he bothers you say very sternly, so he doesn’t think you’re joking in any way, shape or form “Look, you need to knock this shit off, you’re starting to worry me and the next time you bother me I’m calling the police, got it? Now take off.” You might not take his threats seriously, but what if they’re just starting out in a jokey way to test the waters, see how you react? Sometimes it best to say ‘knock it off’ when things get annoying than to let it bug you for months and now it’s awkward. @filmore, I wouldn’t worry about “his IT department”\*, I’d worry that it’s the last place the police would go, that’s why I say just leave it on his kitchen counter or somewhere out in the open it home or in his car…the first place the police would look. \*That’s one of my pet peeves. ‘you’re IT department’ ‘talk to HR’ ‘take it up with your supervisor’. Not everyone works in big company and can go running to upper management everytime there’s a problem, but on The Dope it seems like that’s the first thing people say. ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/12 "2016-09-13T12:50:23Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Google’s [Inactive Account Manager](https://publicpolicy.googleblog.com/2013/04/plan-your-digital-afterlife-with.html) should look after it for digital data. > > And provide the “certain person” with copies of what your 10 friends will receive if you die suddenly. I like the way Google assumes the only practical reason you would stop using Google would be if you were to die. That, in itself, says a lot about today’s society. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/13 "2016-09-13T12:57:06Z")
While I appreciate the drawing room mystery facet of all this I want to throw some cold water on it and be a bit blunt. Stop being a fool and speak to a policeman. Man the authorities aware of the situation even if you’re unsure of his seriousness. You need to get it on the record. This happened to me a few decades ago. The cops took my statement, filed it and went to speak to the gentlemen in question. No further trouble was had. Right now you’re worried about what will happen after this dude kills you. You should be worried about preventing him FROM doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Personal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Personal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Personal)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/14 "2016-09-13T12:58:11Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Google’s [Inactive Account Manager](https://publicpolicy.googleblog.com/2013/04/plan-your-digital-afterlife-with.html) should look after it for digital data. > > And provide the “certain person” with copies of what your 10 friends will receive if you die suddenly. Thank you for that information. Solves a problem I’ve been concerned about. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/15 "2016-09-13T13:22:43Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Stop being a fool and speak to a policeman. Man the authorities aware of the situation even if you’re unsure of his seriousness. You need to get it on the record. > > This happened to me a few decades ago. The cops took my statement, filed it and went to speak to the gentlemen in question. No further trouble was had. > > Right now you’re worried about what will happen after this dude kills you. You should be worried about preventing him FROM doing so. This. People are remarkably skittish about calling on the authorities (EMTs, fire, police) for assistance until after a real problem has developed. What a waste. Call them now, and enlist their help to shut this thing down _before_ it becomes a real problem. Evidence ends up safely in their hands (why do you want to hide it until then?), they talk to the guy so that he’s aware the police are paying attention, and he will likely back off. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/16 "2016-09-13T13:35:04Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > While I appreciate the drawing room mystery facet of all this I want to throw some cold water on it and be a bit blunt. > > Stop being a fool and speak to a policeman. Man the authorities aware of the situation even if you’re unsure of his seriousness. You need to get it on the record. > > This happened to me a few decades ago. The cops took my statement, filed it and went to speak to the gentlemen in question. No further trouble was had. > > Right now you’re worried about what will happen after this dude kills you. You should be worried about preventing him FROM doing so. First do this, then get a lawyer. But really, file a police report first. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/17 "2016-09-13T13:57:54Z")
I’ll let the person know that I have a long record of previous incidents, overstating their incriminating character. Is empty bluster or insanity going to prevail ? For the moment, I have reasons to think that it’s the former. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/18 "2016-09-13T14:09:11Z")
> [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](#): > > I like the way Google assumes the only practical reason you would stop using Google would be if you were to die. That, in itself, says a lot about today’s society. All it does (at first) is send you a text message and an email to a secondary address, you respond and it’s at bay for another X months. If you don’t like it, turn it off. The reason I’ve never used it is because, while I have all my passwords and other info sitting on my computer, I really don’t want them in the cloud. Also, don’t forget, ‘using Google’ isn’t just using an @gmail account, it’s searching something via Google (signed in), using an Android phone, even going on Youtube will do it (again, if you’re signed in). ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/19 "2016-09-13T14:56:01Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > I’ll let the person know that I have a long record of previous incidents, overstating their incriminating character. > > Is empty bluster or insanity going to prevail ? For the moment, I have reasons to think that it’s the former. Long record. Hmmm. You haven’t been Stalking them, have you? INAL, but, you might just want to just Stop, if you have. As for bluster & melodrama, I’ll send good thoughts your way… …and I’ll think of you every time I put on my tall boots… ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/20 "2016-09-13T16:59:21Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Long record. Hmmm. You haven’t been Stalking them, have you? INAL, but, you might just want to just Stop, if you have. Mmmm, a bit of a misunderstanding here. I have known that person for years. Lies, hysterical temper tantrums and occasional physical violence are part of that person’s behaviour. After taking it for longer than I should have, I have started keeping a record of said person’s aggressive behaviour so that I could prove, if necessary, that the problem is not new. And I unfortunately cannot avoid being in their presence on a very regular basis though I’ve stopped all interaction with them. I basically pretend that they’re not there. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844.md?page=2)