# I don't want to sound alarming but I need some advice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2016, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844 "2016-09-13T10:02:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/21 "2016-09-13T17:11:19Z")
Sounds like your best bet is to tell this to someone you trust - someone really trustworthy - and then deposit the information with them for safekeeping and for their information, with the understanding that should you turn up murdered or disappeared or abducted or whatnot, that they then have the information and know to give it to the authorities or otherwise make good use of it. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/22 "2016-09-13T17:17:55Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Stop being a fool and speak to a policeman. Man the authorities aware of the situation even if you’re unsure of his seriousness. You need to get it on the record. > > This happened to me a few decades ago. The cops took my statement, filed it and went to speak to the gentlemen in question. No further trouble was had. > > Right now you’re worried about what will happen after this dude kills you. You should be worried about preventing him FROM doing so. This. And it’s more compelling that you’ve added that “occasional physical violence” is part of that person’s behavior. Quit trying to figure out how to speak from beyond the grave and tell someone now when it could make a difference. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/23 "2016-09-13T18:46:36Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > In that case, I want the evidence to be discovered by the relevant authorities. So far, it’s on one of my work computers, in a file that’s titled “In case of problem”. I’m ex-corporate IT and this is a really bad idea. We probably won’t even notice it before we delete it. Print it off and put it in a safe-deposit box. And speak to the police. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/24 "2016-09-13T18:48:50Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > Mmmm, a bit of a misunderstanding here. > > I have known that person for years. Lies, hysterical temper tantrums and occasional physical violence are part of that person’s behaviour. After taking it for longer than I should have, I have started keeping a record of said person’s aggressive behaviour so that I could prove, if necessary, that the problem is not new. > > And I unfortunately cannot avoid being in their presence on a very regular basis though I’ve stopped all interaction with them. I basically pretend that they’re not there. I’d have to say that your evidence may be no real evidence at all. Did you make a note that X shouted at someone? Or do you have a recording or video of X committing aggression or crimes? What is the point of holding on to this “evidence”? Is the person threatening you because they know you’re keeping some kind of file on them? ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/25 "2016-09-13T19:28:33Z")
If the police are trying to track down a suspect to your murder, they’re going to talk to your friends and family, not index your work computer’s file system nor call your lawyer. Send it to your parents or a few friends. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2016, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/26 "2016-09-13T19:48:47Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > I’ll let the person know that I have a long record of previous incidents, overstating their incriminating character. > > Is empty bluster or insanity going to prevail ? For the moment, I have reasons to think that it’s the former. Quit communicating with the crazy guy. That won’t work and no matter what message you think you are sending, that won’t be the one he receives. Neither will his response be the one you predict. Your “evidence” is useless in the legal sense. But a talk to the police is a useful record. Even if they say, as I predict they will, that they can take no action absent blood or a bruise, at least they’ll have that tidbit in their database. So when you turn up missing they’ll have a lead to go on. In my state, FL, they have something called a civil injunction that’s made for these situations. Not cost free, and a piece of paper isn’t much of a physical defense. But it is a pretty clear message and it has a lot of value as a base from which to escalate as this guy’s mania (or drug problem or both) slowly escalates. IANA expert, but I’ve never seen a violent problem person just drop it. Instead they ratchet themselves into jail or into a fight with somebody badder than they are followed immediately by a one-way trip to the morgue. You might be the 3rd party beneficiary of that, or you might be the victim that puts the guy away. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/27 "2016-09-14T13:10:02Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > **I’m ex-corporate IT and this is a really bad idea. We probably won’t even notice it before we delete it.** Print it off and put it in a safe-deposit box. And speak to the police. > [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > If the police are trying to track down a suspect to your murder, **they’re going to talk to your friends and family, not index your work computer’s file system nor call your lawyer.** > … Thank you. I thought that my work computer was a good idea, but you’ve convinced me it isn’t. I’ll follow your advice. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > What is the point of holding on to this “evidence”? Is the person threatening you because they know you’re keeping some kind of file on them? No. The fact that the person knows that I have some evidence (the extent and legal value of which they aren’t sure of) seems to prevent outbursts. That, and the fact that while I can’t avoid that person, ignoring them seems to be working. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > \*\*I’d have to say that your evidence may be no real evidence at all. \*\* Did you make a note that X shouted at someone? Or do you have a recording or video of X committing aggression or crimes? > [@LSLGuy](#): > > … > > \*\*Your “evidence” is useless in the legal sense. \*\* But a talk to the police is a useful record. Even if they say, as I predict they will, that they can take no action absent blood or a bruise, at least they’ll have that tidbit in their database. So when you turn up missing they’ll have a lead to go on. > > … This is all very clear, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/28 "2016-09-14T14:27:29Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Stop being a fool and speak to a policeman… This again. We had an incident recently where my wife felt threatened by an angry man, as was his intention I believe, but he didn’t SAY anything threatening. The only thing the police wanted to know was, “did he make any threats.” Your guy has crossed that line. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/29 "2016-09-14T14:58:14Z")
Since you’re Belgian, couldn’t you entrust a notary public with these evidences? I don’t know if it’s possible for them to keep documents on your behalf (other than deeds, wills, etc…) but couldn’t you annex the evidence to a will (or leave it as a mystic will, hence sealed, assuming such wills are allowed under Belgian law)? In this case, you have the certainty that it will be opened upon your death. Note for American posters : a civil law notary public has pretty much nothing to do with an American notary public. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/30 "2016-09-14T15:18:58Z")
Report it to the police. Threats are considered “assault” in some states. It is a crime! ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/31 "2016-09-14T20:41:52Z")
Another reason to bring it up to the police is that if it’s nothing they’ll write up a report (so you’ll have something in writing), roll their eyes and shoo you away. OTOH, if they’ve already had a handful of reports on this guy, you’re just adding to the list, especially if he’s been told (legally) to knock this stuff off. If you don’t want any contact with this person anymore, I agree with the others that you need to cut them off, don’t proactively seek them out, even if it is to tell them that you’re documenting all run ins with them. Perhaps the next time you see them you just need to say ‘HEY, you’re making me nervous, you need to stay away from me or I’m going to get a restraining order’. Empty threat or otherwise, it’ll be interesting to see if he takes it seriously. Don’t get me wrong, some people just don’t get social cues, but if you’re fearing him, it might be time to let someone else deal with it and like I said, if he’s doing it to you he might be doing it to others as well. Have you looked him online to see if he’s been in trouble for this before? FTR, if he has, I wouldn’t even think about it, I’d stop at the police station after work. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/32 "2016-09-15T00:35:28Z")
I agree with multiple copies in various places. If your work computer has Outlook and is hooked up to Exchange, you can create an email with the file as an attachment. You can then delay sending the file for a month or so to someone. Just make a reminder to change the send date before the file is sent. Of course if you are killed or something, you work might delete your account before the email is sent. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/33 "2016-09-15T00:50:30Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > I’ll let the person know that I have a long record of previous incidents, overstating their incriminating character. > > Is empty bluster or insanity going to prevail ? For the moment, I have reasons to think that it’s the former. It shouldn’t matter if it’s empty bluster. Surely Belgium has laws about making threats against people. At the very least, you’d get him to stop bothering you for good. That’s gotta be worth something. Hell, you might not even have to deal with him at all, if they decide it’s credible. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/34 "2016-09-15T00:55:15Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > While I appreciate the drawing room mystery facet of all this I want to throw some cold water on it and be a bit blunt. > > Stop being a fool and speak to a policeman. Man the authorities aware of the situation even if you’re unsure of his seriousness. You need to get it on the record. > > This happened to me a few decades ago. The cops took my statement, filed it and went to speak to the gentlemen in question. No further trouble was had. > > Right now you’re worried about what will happen after this dude kills you. You should be worried about preventing him FROM doing so. I was going to suggest giving it to your local District Attorney … I believe it’s illegal to make death threats … but I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/35 "2016-09-15T03:45:40Z")
Talk to the police. If this is happening at work, talk to HR or someone higher up in management. Death threats and occasional violence are nothing to fool around with. Depending on where you are, this person may even be subject to involuntary committal for being a threat to him/herself or others. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/36 "2016-09-15T05:44:22Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > I don’t think your work computer would be a good place to store the info. The IT dept will typically clear all info by formatting the drive. As the former IT guy at work, this. We just format and re-image without ever looking at what’s on there. We’re also not going to look at what you had stored on the network without a reason either. > [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Stop being a fool and speak to a policeman. Man the authorities aware of the situation even if you’re unsure of his seriousness. You need to get it on the record. > > This happened to me a few decades ago. The cops took my statement, filed it and went to speak to the gentlemen in question. No further trouble was had. > > Right now you’re worried about what will happen after this dude kills you. You should be worried about preventing him FROM doing so. This is your best advice. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/37 "2016-09-15T12:41:58Z")
Another poster saying you should follow **Jonathan Chance** ’s advice. Your focus shouldn’t be on getting the guy caught once he kills you. Your focus should be on _preventing_ him from killing you. Go to the police. For all you know they’ve already got a record on the guy and this may be the additional info they need. And, the police generally want to prevent violence and homicides, not get called to the tragedy of a dead body. And, if you do get killed, Hercule Poirot isn’t around any more to solve the mystery. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/38 "2016-09-16T02:30:08Z")
Kill him first. Problem solved. Delete that folder first, though. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844/39 "2016-09-16T03:19:00Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Google’s [Inactive Account Manager](https://publicpolicy.googleblog.com/2013/04/plan-your-digital-afterlife-with.html) should look after it for digital data. > > And provide the “certain person” with copies of what your 10 friends will receive if you die suddenly. It’s never a good idea to poke a bear. Even less so if the bear is crazy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dont-want-to-sound-alarming-but-i-need-some-advice/765844.md?page=1)