# I dunno, folks, (martial artist) Claude Van Damme looks damn proficient to me **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 27, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289 "2006-07-27T17:08:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/21 "2006-07-29T03:36:20Z")
So, there seems only one way to settle this. Van Damme, Seagal and Norris, a steel cage, cover 'em all in gravy and see who comes out alive. My money’s on Van Damme. mm ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/22 "2006-07-29T03:48:05Z")
Depending how old it is, I bet on the gravy. Seagal takes himself out of the running when he bastes his own forearm in the tasty brown fluid and eats it. ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/23 "2006-07-29T20:35:46Z")
[QUOTE=mamboman] So, there seems only one way to settle this. Van Damme, Seagal and Norris, a steel cage, cover 'em all in gravy and see who comes out alive. My money’s on Van Damme. mm [/QUOTE] Is there going to be a side order of Cole slaw and biscuits? I loves me some biscuits–especially blood-soaked biscuits courtesy of a death match. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/24 "2006-07-29T21:02:35Z")
[QUOTE=Doctor Who] I think the whole “Jean Claude” sucks thing, stems from [this incident](http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,2498,00.html) (which got lots of media play a few years back). [/QUOTE] Never heard of that, but I did hear a rumor that Van Damme once picked a fight with Seagal and got his ass kicked. UL? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/25 "2006-07-29T21:05:40Z")
[QUOTE=mamboman] So, there seems only one way to settle this. Van Damme, Seagal and Norris, a steel cage, cover 'em all in gravy and see who comes out alive. [/QUOTE] Not fair to put Norris in there, he’s too much older than the other two. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/26 "2006-07-29T21:58:31Z")
For my money, if you are trying to land spinning kicks in a fight, you are either extremely undermatched or about to land on something other than your opponent’s body. You can’t really judge who is good (though you can judge plenty easily who is bad) at fighting from a movie, since movie fight scenes are designed to A) look cool and B) take lots of time and with actual fight scenes, neither party is entirely interested in having the match last more than … well, one blow, ideally. If your first move isn’t to knock the opponent down (or, maybe, catch 'em offguard), you’d better hope that opponent’s first move fails. Or, more simply: if your health depends on it, would you rather have to pick a card from a deck of one or a deck of more than one? Taking martial arts proficiency on the screen and saying that person could kick ass in person **based on the screen performance** is like looking at your prom date and assuming she has mounds of cleavage regardless of what she does. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/27 "2006-07-29T22:11:26Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Not fair to put Norris in there, he’s too much older than the other two. [/QUOTE] Age and cunning will always defeat youth and enthusiam. ---
**Author:** ![kilgoretrout](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@kilgoretrout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kilgoretrout)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/28 "2006-07-30T00:12:57Z")
I think Chuck could probably just let his beard get in the cage and sub for him. And he’d still win win 'cuz he’s Chuck “FREAKIN” Norris. ---
**Author:** ![kilgoretrout](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@kilgoretrout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kilgoretrout)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289/29 "2006-07-30T00:13:34Z")
I think Chuck could probably just let his beard get in the cage and sub for him. And he’d still win 'cuz he’s Chuck “FREAKIN” Norris. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-dunno-folks-martial-artist-claude-van-damme-looks-damn-proficient-to-me/366289.md?page=1)