# I feel like a jerk. What to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 14, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663 "2013-04-14T04:15:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ILikeYouYoureCool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e95f7d/32.png) [@ILikeYouYoureCool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILikeYouYoureCool)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/1 "2013-04-14T04:15:38Z")
I was messaging a friend today, one that I have a thing for, over Skype. There came to a period of time where I had messaged him and he stayed silent for about 10 minutes. I needed to leave, so I messaged, “Haha, well, you’re probably getting tired of me. But, I’ll talk to you soon! See ya later.” It was an attempt to kind of joke or tease. He responded that he wasn’t ignoring me, he was just playing a game and it was hard to switch back and forth. I feel like a jerk now, like it seems like I was trying to get his attention or annoy him. God, and every time I read the last sentence I sent, it feels like I’m more and more of a jerk. I replied that I didn’t mean it that way and that I really did have to go, but he just said, “Alright.” What do I do so that I don’t seem like I was trying to get attention or be annoying? Man, I feel awful. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/2 "2013-04-14T04:18:43Z")
You are super overthinking this. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/3 "2013-04-14T04:20:55Z")
There is no reason to be upset over such an event. If talking to this person (who I assume has no particular romantic feelings towards you) throws your emotions this out of joint, you should consider doing yourself a big favor and getting some new friends to talk to instead. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/4 "2013-04-14T04:21:33Z")
You’re really making a mountain of a mole hill. You said you had to go, he understands, end of story. Plus . . . he might also feel like a jerk for leaving you hanging for 10 minutes. What did he expect you to do, wait forever? ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/5 "2013-04-14T04:26:19Z")
Nah, I agree you’re overthinking it. That happens to me all the time when I’m messaging friends (though not ones I have things for, since I don’t have any of those). It’s easy to get involved in something and forget that the other person’s there when you’re just chatting back and forth. I see nothing wrong or clingy about the way you pinged him. ---
**Author:** ![ILikeYouYoureCool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e95f7d/32.png) [@ILikeYouYoureCool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILikeYouYoureCool)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/6 "2013-04-14T04:29:53Z")
Okay, I think I probably am overthinking this. Sorry about that. Some of my friends say I have an inferiority complex that causes things like this. I’m a little bit paranoid about if I’m offending people or not. Thanks for the feedback everyone, though! ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/7 "2013-04-14T06:16:30Z")
You didn’t say anything that would annoy a normal person, and btw, it’s transparently obvious whenever someone throws out the line “haha you’re probably getting tired of me” that they like this person they are chatting with and are being playful 🙂 If he didn’t really reciprocate, and was kind of cool or cold with his response, either he’s super dense or he doesn’t feel the same way about you. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/8 "2013-04-14T06:30:29Z")
He was being a jerk. Not you. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/9 "2013-04-14T06:41:22Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > He was being a jerk. Not you. Yeah… actually. This is what I should have said. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/10 "2013-04-14T15:19:57Z")
I’m confused–why was he being a jerk? That’s exactly the way I respond when I forget about somebody and they poke me: “Oh, sorry, I wasn’t ignoring you, I just got distracted by shiny objects and forgot you were there,” or words to that effect. Even the “alright” didn’t seem inherently jerky to me, though obviously knowing next to nothing about the relationship between the two individuals makes it difficult to judge. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/11 "2013-04-14T17:46:18Z")
Nobody is a jerk here. All what was said by both parties is perfectly normal. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/12 "2013-04-14T17:54:09Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > You didn’t say anything that would annoy a normal person, and btw, it’s transparently obvious whenever someone throws out the line “haha you’re probably getting tired of me” that they like this person they are chatting with and are being playful 🙂 > > If he didn’t really reciprocate, and was kind of cool or cold with his response, either he’s super dense or he doesn’t feel the same way about you. OR he was just more focused on the game to be clever or witty. I agree with the very first response. Go easier on yourself. All is well. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/13 "2013-04-14T18:11:48Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > OR he was just more focused on the game to be clever or witty. This. Not everyone jumps online so that they can chat and socialize. He can see how"Alright" would seem terse. But honestly, it seems like whatever he said would have been taken the wrong way. ---
**Author:** ![Saraya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Saraya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saraya)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/14 "2013-04-14T18:28:22Z")
Is this friend real? ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/15 "2013-04-14T18:30:02Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > Is this friend real? Cause if not, I say this will all due respect - get a life. What do you mean by “real”? Sorry, I get a little touchy sometimes when people tell me that my online friends aren’t “real.” ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/16 "2013-04-14T19:29:12Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > Is this friend real? Is this OP real? ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/17 "2013-04-14T19:34:54Z")
Way over thinking this. His response is exactly what he would have s said if you were sitting in the room with him. Chill. ---
**Author:** ![1127](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ecccb3/32.png) [@1127](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1127)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/18 "2013-04-14T19:49:56Z")
This thread should be moved to the MPSIMS forum. IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/19 "2013-04-14T20:12:13Z")
Overthinking. ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663/20 "2013-04-14T20:22:38Z")
I think you would be well served to go to your priest, minister or rabbi to talk this issue over. He (or she) will probably help you write a nice friendly letter of apology to your friend. Perhaps, follow it up with a gift card to Best Buy, or Gamestop, since your friend seems to enjoy games, and you might have cost him a few seconds of gameplay, that he will never get back. Actions like these will show very clearly and loudly that you are trying to not get his attention. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-feel-like-a-jerk-what-to-do/655663.md?page=2)