# I finally told my oldest daughter I'm an atheist. Now she's upset and crying. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2011, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254 "2011-05-26T03:59:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/181 "2011-05-28T15:09:21Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > You got Catholic Lite. Many of us got the full-contact version of Catholicism. I think it’s the difference between 50s Catholic and 80s Catholic. I got 80s Catholic, which had much less fire and brimstone and a lot more Jesus loves you. With a dabble of “The Big Bang Theory is basically science’s way of saying ‘Let there be light!’” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/182 "2011-05-28T15:25:02Z")
I was in Catholic school until the early 70s. I am serious about Catholic Lite. Sunday school is where they teach a bunch of non-Catholics, and they keep it lighter so as not to piss off parents and drive away business. When I was in school, your parents had to be a member of the parish or you couldn’t attend the school. So they got all medieval Catholic on you. Though I will say that, just as I was getting out, the school was admitting its first non-Catholic students. I don’t really know why, for sure, but that was a time when membership was dropping off, so I’m guessing they needed bodies and tuition payments. It is possible they lightened up on the doctrinaire stuff because of a more diverse audience, but I didn’t see any evidence of that myself. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/183 "2011-05-28T15:30:24Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I was in Catholic school until the early 70s. I am serious about Catholic Lite. Sunday school is where they teach a bunch of non-Catholics, and they keep it lighter so as not to piss off parents and drive away business. When I was in school, your parents had to be a member of the parish or you couldn’t attend the school. So they got all medieval Catholic on you. Sunday School is done on a church-by-church basis. There’s no RCC-wide Sunday School curriculum. Having said that, you don’t think there might have been at least some changes in how Sunday School is taught over a span of 20 years and at different churches? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/184 "2011-05-28T15:35:22Z")
Former Post Vatican II Catholic. Vatican II acknowledged other brands of Christian could go to heaven. But my understanding is anyone who rejects the gift of His Grace - its hell. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/185 "2011-05-28T15:37:04Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Sunday School is done on a church-by-church basis. There’s no RCC-wide Sunday School curriculum. > > Having said that, you don’t think there might have been at least some changes in how Sunday School is taught over a span of 20 years and at different churches? Its the Catholic Catechism. I was taught from it in the 70s. The formal Catechism is a grown up book, but they have children’s versions of it for Sunday school. Not all churches USE it, but there is a Sunday School curriculum. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/186 "2011-05-28T15:58:54Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Sunday School is done on a church-by-church basis. There’s no RCC-wide Sunday School curriculum. > > Having said that, you don’t think there might have been at least some changes in how Sunday School is taught over a span of 20 years and at different churches? Yes, I agree that’s possible. I also recall that, as Dangerosa mentioned, there was a doctrinal change that acknowledged that non-Catholics were not banned from heaven. I’m not aware of any other changes of doctrine that would have trickled down to the teaching curriculum for children. If you are, please share. But aside from teaching methodology, the whole Catholic belief system is poison, and particularly for girls and women because of their insistence on patriarchy. Original sin, sin as mere thought rather than action and other strange conceptions of what constitutes sin… nobody, particularly young children, should be exposed to such hate filled and punishment-threatening bullshit. This isn’t to say the Catholic church is alone in this, or even the worst at it. It just happens to be the one under discussion in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/187 "2011-05-28T16:49:33Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Its the Catholic Catechism. I was taught from it in the 70s. The formal Catechism is a grown up book, but they have children’s versions of it for Sunday school. Not all churches USE it, but there is a Sunday School curriculum. And here you go, for all your RCC approved Sunday School needs: [https://www.comcenter.com/](https://www.comcenter.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/188 "2011-05-28T18:19:00Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > And here you go, for all your RCC approved Sunday School needs: [https://www.comcenter.com/](https://www.comcenter.com/) That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Different schools use different textbooks. So it’s very possible to get a different Sunday School experience on a church-by-church basis. And again, the Sunday School teachings that **BoyoJim** was taught in the early 70s is probably very different from the Sunday School that I attended in the late 80s. And both are probably much different from someone going to Sunday School today. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/189 "2011-05-28T18:31:51Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I feel like shit. What do I do? Realize that you should have felt this long ago based on the much worse treatment you’ve given those on the dope with equally inane beliefs. On the dope, you fight ignorance, but in your own house, you promote it. You have your values slightly mis-aligned, my friend. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/190 "2011-05-28T18:38:11Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > She’s only 11!!! She’s still a young child. Gifted or not she’s not old enough to understand why you have chosen to be an atheist. > Let her believe what she wants to believe. If she believes in God then it is not right for you to force your views on her. Well the church has had free reign to indoctrinate her for years. They have not only forced her beliefs, but put her through religious training and programming. If it was wrong ior him to state a position, it is obviously wrong for the church too. Therefore I agree with you, a child should be raised with no religious training. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/191 "2011-05-28T19:14:49Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Realize that you should have felt this long ago based on the much worse treatment you’ve given those on the dope with equally inane beliefs. When have I treated people badly based on their beliefs? Cite? I’m kind of sick of these accusations. I get them all the time, and they’re based on nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/192 "2011-05-28T19:32:11Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > When have I treated people badly based on their beliefs? Cite? I’m kind of sick of these accusations. I get them all the time, and they’re based on nothing. I’m not surprised at all surprised you get these complaints all the time (but everyone’s full of bullshit, right?). At any rate, I don’t have the time to find search through your 50,000+ posts for an exact instance. But it all culminated in your very own thread which does a pretty good job of showing the disparity between anonymous Dio on the dope and Dio @ home. [**Why do we have to take irrational questions seriously in GQ?**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=590175) > [@](#): > > Whatever you think of me, the mission of the BOARD is to fight bullshit, not humor it. Strange how you care more about fighting the ignorance of strangers than members of your own family. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/193 "2011-05-28T19:34:18Z")
Demonstrable bullshit is demonstrable bullshit. Demonstrating the falsity of a claim is not “treating somebody badly because of their beliefs.” I don’t do that, and you can’t cite it. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/194 "2011-05-28T19:39:20Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Demonstrable bullshit is demonstrable bullshit. Demonstrating the falsity of a claim is not “treating somebody badly because of their beliefs.” I don’t do that, and you can’t cite it. I didn’t say you treated them “badly,” per say. I did say you treated them “much worse,” in which I meant your aggressive and annoying board behavior, resulting in the derailment of several threads I’ve read. All because of what you deemed to be, a false premise, muddling the attempts of the OP to get the answer they were looking for. You may not have been insulting them directly, but you don’t have to be to illicit frustration. “My post is my cite,” btw. I’m still curious though as to why the disparity between your home life and strangers? You make it your mission to ensure people don’t have any false beliefs here, but you’ve actively engenderd such at home for at least 11 years now. Why? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/195 "2011-05-28T19:44:42Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > She’s only 11!!! She’s still a young child. Gifted or not she’s not old enough to understand why you have chosen to be an atheist. > Let her believe what she wants to believe. If she believes in God then it is not right for you to force your views on her. This is too ridiculous for words (almost). I was an atheist by age 12, despite going to Catholic grade school for 8 years, and having two parents who were both believers. Or – possibly I was an atheist _because_ of those things. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/196 "2011-05-28T19:48:13Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > I didn’t say you treated them “badly,” per say. I did say you treated them “much worse,” … Now there’s some bullshit for you. Treating someone’s ideas as shit is not anything like treating _them_ as shit, although I would agree that a lot of people, including you, apparently miss that distinction. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/197 "2011-05-28T19:49:23Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > I didn’t say you treated them “badly,” per say. I did say you treated them “much worse,” in which I meant your aggressive and annoying board behavior, resulting in the derailment of several threads I’ve read. All because of what you deemed to be, a false premise, muddling the attempts of the OP to get the answer they were looking for. You may not have been insulting them directly, but you don’t have to be to illicit frustration. “My post is my cite,” btw. I was complaining about not being allowed to give a factual answer in a GQ thread. It’s not my fault if facts frustrate people. > [@](#): > > I’m still curious though as to why the disparity between your home life and strangers? You make it your mission to ensure people don’t have any false beliefs here, but you’ve actively engenderd such at home for at least 11 years now. Why? I don’t try to tell people what to believe here, I just try to refute demonstrably false claims. I also engage in those debates with people who _want_ to have a debate. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/198 "2011-05-28T19:52:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I also engage in those debates with people who _want_ to have a debate. Yes, but your daughter asked you a question, making her a willing participant. But now you’re regretting giving an honest answer, and even considered going to church. That’s not the Dio we see around these parts. ---
**Author:** ![Implicit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Implicit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Implicit)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/199 "2011-05-28T19:53:32Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Realize that you should have felt this long ago based on the much worse treatment you’ve given those on the dope with equally inane beliefs. On the dope, you fight ignorance, but in your own house, you promote it. You have your values slightly mis-aligned, my friend. > [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > I didn’t say you treated them “badly,” per say. I did say you treated them “much worse,” in which I meant your aggressive and annoying board behavior, resulting in the derailment of several threads I’ve read. All because of what you deemed to be, a false premise, muddling the attempts of the OP to get the answer they were looking for. You may not have been insulting them directly, but you don’t have to be to illicit frustration. “My post is my cite,” btw. Are a lot of the posters on this board under the age of 11? I’m confused, when did this thread get moved to the Pit? Oh wait, it didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254/200 "2011-05-28T19:56:26Z")
> [@Implicit](#): > > Are a lot of the posters on this board under the age of 11? Why is it okay to teach religion, but not the lack thereof, to children of any age? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-finally-told-my-oldest-daughter-im-an-atheist-now-shes-upset-and-crying/583254.md?page=11)