# I Found Jesus! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 7, 2002, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741 "2002-07-07T03:56:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/1 "2002-07-07T03:56:37Z")
[I’m so very happy now!](http://gallery.opalcat.com/index.cgi?mode=image&album=/Art/ShirtDesigns&image=couch.jpg) _chortle_😉 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/2 "2002-07-07T03:59:29Z")
[Forrest Gump] “I didn’t know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.” [/Forrest Gump] But seriously…I was _wondering_ where he’d gotten off to. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ijustdontcare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c57346/32.png) [@ijustdontcare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ijustdontcare)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/3 "2002-07-07T04:01:46Z")
I should have known! They’re always behind the couch!!! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/4 "2002-07-07T04:02:04Z")
My husband made me add the “z z Z Z” part so that it wouldn’t look like the mouldering corpse of Christ was back there. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/5 "2002-07-07T04:11:12Z")
Last time he was in the refridgerator next to the remote and a really old bowl of green beans. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/6 "2002-07-07T04:13:19Z")
I hate that!! Then you have to sprinkle baking soda on him to get the smell out 😛 ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/7 "2002-07-07T04:22:46Z")
“Mouldering corpse of Christ” I’ve found my newest invective. Thanks, Opal! I’ll try it out tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![taklon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/34f0e0/32.png) [@taklon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taklon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/8 "2002-07-07T05:54:26Z")
Jesus today… Elvis tomorrow?? Maybe you be better of finding Osama … there is a refund on Osamas at the moment ---
**Author:** ![Ripple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@Ripple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ripple)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/9 "2002-07-07T06:28:39Z")
Damn! I looked between the cushions and everything, but I never thought he could fit back there. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/10 "2002-07-07T06:33:05Z")
Ya know, the last time I found Jesus, he was eating the last of my chocolate chip cookies (more than a dozen, and big ones), and drinking milk right from the carton! Maybe he hid behind your couch because he had a stomach ache. That’s what my dog does when she eats too much. Now that you’ve found him, what are you going to do with him? ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/11 "2002-07-07T06:50:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > \*\*Now that you’ve found him, what are you going to do with him? \*\* I say put him in a barcalounger for the next 2000 years and see what happens. Give him the remote, some popcorn and then start a pool on which show he becomes hooked on. I vote the “Simpsons” but am leaning toward “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/12 "2002-07-07T07:34:42Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by SkipMagic_ > Give him the remote, some popcorn and then start a pool on which show he becomes hooked on. I can see Jesus as a **Jeopardy** lover. And he might like the medical shows–you know, professional interest, seeing how somebody else heals people. And I know he’d be a Letterman fan, not Leno, not in a million years. Jesus has class. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/13 "2002-07-07T10:13:16Z")
I see him kicking back with a bag of Cheetos and watching Cartoon Network, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/14 "2002-07-07T11:31:29Z")
This reminds me of an Easter egg hunt 20 years ago. Although that poor chicken embryo was a mouldering corpse. (We had farm fresh chickens from a neighbor down the road, not the sterile store kind.) ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/15 "2002-07-07T19:37:11Z")
The last time I found Jesus, he was inside a [cake](http://www.kingcakes.com). ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/16 "2002-07-07T20:06:27Z")
I found him under my bed. He was trying to find my Star Wars Insider Back Issues. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/17 "2002-07-08T01:44:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > **Ya know, the last time I found Jesus, he was eating the last of my chocolate chip cookies (more than a dozen, and big ones), and drinking milk right from the carton!** I remember that and you said, “Jesus Christ, who ate my cookies and drank my milk!” Humm, and I always thought it was a question. Now I find out it was a statement of fact. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/18 "2002-07-08T06:16:55Z")
Once I found Jesus under the fridge. Took me forever to clean the fuzz out of his beard, hair, robes… ---
**Author:** ![Jemidex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Jemidex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jemidex)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/19 "2002-07-08T11:32:38Z")
Hmmmm…I see a bumper sticker in all of this: WWJH (Where would Jesus hide?) ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741/20 "2002-07-08T12:57:02Z")
Whew! I thought for a minute this was a thread about a fundie alternative to the “Where’s Waldo?” books. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-found-jesus/117741.md?page=2)