# I fucking hate shorts with fake fucking dickholes! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2007, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117 "2007-06-23T13:28:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/21 "2007-06-23T19:05:49Z")
[QUOTE=Charger] And if it has a zipper, it’s a scary thing. Putting one’s dick through a zipper hole is about as unsettling as laying it across a railroad track. [/QUOTE] Trying to picture how someone could manage to lay it across a railroad track. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/22 "2007-06-23T19:37:12Z")
[QUOTE=Canadjun] Trying to picture how someone could manage to lay it across a railroad track. :eek: [/QUOTE] It’s unsettling on soooo many levels … … " So, what do you use that thing for, to scare horses?" ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/23 "2007-06-23T19:54:01Z")
[QUOTE=Canadjun] Trying to picture how someone could manage to lay it across a railroad track. :eek: [/QUOTE] It’s easier if you back up a few feet. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/24 "2007-06-23T20:20:27Z")
[QUOTE=Dewey Finn] Are you talking about underwear? If so, what sort of underwear doesn’t have an elastic waist, and what does it have instead? [/QUOTE] No, not underwear…regular shorts, as in outerwear. These have one of those pronged plug-in buckle thingies. And no, not MY pronged plug-in thingie, you pervs! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/25 "2007-06-23T20:25:52Z")
Pictures. We _demand_ pictures! And none of this Photo Shop crapola! ---
**Author:** ![IrreverentTone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/26 "2007-06-23T22:13:35Z")
Dude, I hate to break this to you, but the dollar store outlet mall might not be the best place to do your clothes shopping. 😛 Those shorts don’t sound like seconds, they sound like thirds or fourths. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/27 "2007-06-23T23:43:55Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] The dick for fucking! HAW HAW HAW. Thanks, I’ve been wanting to use that crappy joke for ages now! 🙂 [/QUOTE] Oh wow. That was lame. > [@An Arky](#): > > No, not underwear…regular shorts, as in outerwear. Oooh. I thought we were talking about underwear. Since we’re not, I have to go with: > [@IrreverentTone](#): > > Dude, I hate to break this to you, but the dollar store outlet mall might not be the best place to do your clothes shopping. > > Those shorts don’t sound like seconds, they sound like thirds or fourths. Generally, they sew the functional parts shut on cheap clothing because it’s too much trouble and expense to make a functional version. You’ll see that on pockets of cheap suits also. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/28 "2007-06-23T23:44:24Z")
I’d just like to celebrate the first technically correct use of the word “dickhole” in the Pit. Sailboat ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/29 "2007-06-23T23:46:06Z")
[QUOTE=Sailboat] I’d just like to celebrate the first technically correct use of the word “dickhole” in the Pit. Sailboat [/QUOTE] How does one celebrate that event? ~~throwing confetti (or something)~~ ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/30 "2007-06-23T23:46:32Z")
Missed it, who’d you call a “dickhole”? ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/31 "2007-06-24T00:53:49Z")
[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo] How does one celebrate that event? ~~throwing confetti (or something)~~ [/QUOTE] It semens to me that long confetti cannons would be appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/32 "2007-06-24T01:00:36Z")
[QUOTE=Sapo] It **semens** to me that long confetti cannons would be appropriate. [/QUOTE] I had to read that three times before I caught that, so I’m highlighting it for those that read quickly. _Long_ confetti cannons? Wouldn’t that vary by individual? ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Pumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@Ms.Pumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Pumpkin)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/33 "2007-06-24T01:35:10Z")
I’ve had the opposite problem. Female, shopping in women’s clothing for pajama bottoms to lounge around the house in, take them home only to discover that I have to sew up the fly. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/34 "2007-06-24T01:44:36Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] No, not underwear…regular shorts, as in outerwear. These have one of those pronged plug-in buckle thingies. And no, not MY pronged plug-in thingie, you pervs! 😃 [/QUOTE] If they don’t have an open placket and they’re not elasticated, how do you get them up over your hips? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/35 "2007-06-24T01:56:27Z")
[QUOTE=Ms. Pumpkin] I’ve had the opposite problem. Female, shopping in women’s clothing for pajama bottoms to lounge around the house in, take them home only to discover that I have to sew up the fly. [/QUOTE] I guess you never heard of safety pins – the all-purpose needle and thread in my house. ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Pumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@Ms.Pumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Pumpkin)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/36 "2007-06-24T01:59:16Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] I guess you never heard of safety pins – the all-purpose needle and thread in my house. [/QUOTE] Tried it, had an unfortunate malfunction. That area of my body is now a no safety pin zone. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/37 "2007-06-24T02:14:36Z")
I fear some Dopers “edgy” daughter has read those words and whispered “Cool!” ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/38 "2007-06-24T02:16:49Z")
[QUOTE=Ms. Pumpkin] Tried it, had an unfortunate malfunction. That area of my body is now a no safety pin zone. [/QUOTE] I hear you – or rather, I heard you, the night of the Unfortunate Great Pumpkin Safety Pin Malfuncation Incident. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/39 "2007-06-24T17:08:05Z")
[QUOTE=Ms. Pumpkin] > [@5-4-Fighting](#): > > I guess you never heard of safety pins – the all-purpose needle and thread in my house. Tried it, had an unfortunate malfunction. That area of my body is now a no safety pin zone. [/QUOTE] Try [glue](http://www.amazon.com/Dritz-Unique-Stitch-Adhesive-1-1/dp/B0001DS0JE). I use that stuff to patch my pants when the crotch starts wearing thin. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/40 "2007-06-24T22:46:14Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] -snip- Shouldn’t these irregulars be banished to poor countries where they wear Super Bowl Champion Buffalo Bills tshirts and the like? [/QUOTE] Hey now, as a Buffalo Bills season ticket holder, that hurts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117.md?page=3)