# I fucking hate shorts with fake fucking dickholes! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2007, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117 "2007-06-23T13:28:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/41 "2007-06-25T00:02:07Z")
[QUOTE=Mr. Goob] Hey now, as a Buffalo Bills season ticket holder, that hurts. [/QUOTE] As a Dolphin’s fan, that made me laugh until I cried. ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/42 "2007-06-25T03:17:06Z")
My husband has asked me to sew up the fly on boxers before. He wears them to sleep in, and usually gets the kind where the fly buttons up. These particular shorts were wide open, which could make breakfast awkward for other members of the family ;). If the fly is just sewn shut, couldn’t you use a seam ripper to open it? I’ve bought many clothes where the pockets have been sewn shut for who knows what reason. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/43 "2007-06-25T05:39:58Z")
[QUOTE=Canadjun] Trying to picture how someone could manage to lay it across a railroad track. :eek: [/QUOTE] The real problem is that if the rails are moist from dew, average pecker conductivity being what it is, it trips that signal block to “Slow-Approach”. Plus, I don’t favor getting my junk rusty or greasy. I have limits for proper behavior, y’ know. 😉 > [@Ms. Pumpkin](#): > > I’ve had the opposite problem. Female, shopping in women’s clothing for pajama bottoms to lounge around the house in, take them home only to discover that I have to sew up the fly. What aspect of your girly bits are attempting to flee the Castle Nightwear such that they must be incarcerated with stitching? Talk about the Great Escape! > [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Try glue. I use that stuff to patch my pants when the crotch starts wearing thin. Dude! Haven’t you learned that glue+penii is the stuff of which Fark posts are made? Yikes!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Pumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@Ms.Pumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Pumpkin)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/44 "2007-06-25T05:45:01Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] What aspect of your girly bits are attempting to flee the Castle Nightwear such that they must be incarcerated with stitching? Talk about the Great Escape! [/QUOTE] Well I’m kind of a slob and I can spend all day in my pjs, and I don’t need them gaping open at the wrong moment, like when I go out to check the mail. Also, there’s a draft. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/45 "2007-06-25T07:04:34Z")
You know, I haven’t ever seen shorts like this. But what I hate? Button-flys. Four times as much effort to close. ---
**Author:** ![groman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@groman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groman)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/46 "2007-06-25T08:41:07Z")
[QUOTE=Tamex] If the fly is just sewn shut, couldn’t you use a seam ripper to open it? I’ve bought many clothes where the pockets have been sewn shut for who knows what reason. [/QUOTE] That’s so they don’t get caught on shit and get torn before you buy them. Cheaper to sew them all up rather than deal with a higher % of unsellable items, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/47 "2007-06-25T10:08:20Z")
Ya bunch of pansies, real men rip through the fabric in viril defiance of any barrier. ---
**Author:** ![essell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/34f0e0/32.png) [@essell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/essell)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/48 "2007-06-25T11:27:31Z")
[QUOTE=Ale] Ya bunch of pansies, real men rip through the fabric in viril defiance of any barrier. [/QUOTE] I think that’s called rape dude… ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/49 "2007-06-25T11:37:27Z")
[QUOTE=Ale] Ya bunch of pansies, real men rip through the fabric in viril defiance of any barrier. [/QUOTE] Well sure, when I’m at home. But when I did this while standing at a public urinal, the other blokes looked at me funny. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/50 "2007-06-25T13:04:49Z")
[QUOTE=Don’t fight the hypothetical] It’s easier if you back up a few feet. [/QUOTE] Yep. About 10 feet. But I find that if I’m feeling all flaxseed, I need to give it a good toss. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/51 "2007-06-25T16:42:28Z")
[QUOTE=chaoticbear] You know, I haven’t ever seen shorts like this. But what I hate? Button-flys. Four times as much effort to close. [/QUOTE] Plus, you have to plan ahead when you feel the need to pee. Ain’t nothing worse than standing there about to piss in your pants trying to fumble the buttons open. Oh my God. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/52 "2007-06-25T16:55:35Z")
[QUOTE=Tamex] I’ve bought many clothes where the pockets have been sewn shut for who knows what reason. [/QUOTE] Almost every suit jacket I’ve ever purchased except the ultra, ultra cheap had the(fully functional) pockets sewn shut. I always thought they did this to retain the jacket’s shape during shipping and handling and maybe to keep stuff from getting in the pockets. I just rip them open. No seam ripper needed, they’re barely basted shut. YMMV I have no idea why the fly (dickhole?) on a pair of shorts would be sewn shut. This: > [@elucidator](#): > > When you’re totally comfortable with your masculinity, it doesn’t bother you to be a little fabulous, every now and then. made me laugh out loud. You are fabulous daahling! ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/53 "2007-06-25T17:03:06Z")
I don’t think the OPer was complaining about the dickhole being sewn shut, but rather buying shorts where there isn’t a dickhole but the shorts are constructed to look like there is one. Which means, as others have already pointed out, that the OP’er is buying some cheap-ass shorts. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/54 "2007-06-25T17:29:08Z")
[QUOTE=Tamex] If the fly is just sewn shut, couldn’t you use a seam ripper to open it? I’ve bought many clothes where the pockets have been sewn shut for who knows what reason. [/QUOTE] Oh, man, don’t _even_ use “dickhole” and “seam ripper” in the same thread. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/55 "2007-06-25T17:34:08Z")
[QUOTE=PoorYorick] Oh, man, don’t _even_ use “dickhole” and “seam ripper” in the same thread. [/QUOTE] Hold still, honey, this won’t hurt a bit. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/56 "2007-06-26T04:21:05Z")
[QUOTE=essell] I think that’s called rape dude… [/QUOTE] I don´t think you can have sex with your underwear, if you could the world would probably be a better place. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/57 "2007-06-26T04:20:39Z")
Damn double posts! Praise Edit function! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/58 "2007-06-26T04:28:19Z")
I can’t see how it would make any difference to me if he has sex with his underwear. I’m not against it, mind, but I don’t see any real public benefit to it. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/59 "2007-06-26T12:29:34Z")
[QUOTE=elucidator] I can’t see how it would make any difference to me if he has sex with his underwear. I’m not against it, mind, but I don’t see any real public benefit to it. [/QUOTE] nor any real pubic benefit, either. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117/60 "2007-06-26T15:31:38Z")
I have checked carefully, and cannot find any state in the union where the previous is actually a capital crime (still checking on Guam). However, I am coinfident that no jury in the world would convict us. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-fucking-hate-shorts-with-fake-fucking-dickholes/409117.md?page=4)