# I gazed upon my dead children (very long and very sad, I'm afraid) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 26, 2003, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294 "2003-03-26T15:18:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lyllyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/21 "2003-03-26T16:06:13Z")
Oh my dear ones, I am so very very sorry for your loss. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/22 "2003-03-26T16:08:55Z")
I’m so sorry. Nothing sounds right, so I’ll just say that you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers. Ava ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/23 "2003-03-26T16:14:19Z")
I wish you peace and strength during this sad time. My condolences. ---
**Author:** ![Siemsi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Siemsi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siemsi)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/24 "2003-03-26T16:20:24Z")
zut, I’m so very, very sorry. I cannot imagine the pain you and your dear wife are feeling. Please know you are in my thougths and prayers. (((((((((hugs)))))))))) ch ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/25 "2003-03-26T16:43:36Z")
No words… just tears. ---
**Author:** ![Dracula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecc23a/32.png) [@Dracula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dracula)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/26 "2003-03-26T16:47:17Z")
My condolelences ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/27 "2003-03-26T16:49:38Z")
This is the first time in years a post made me cry. God pity you. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/28 "2003-03-26T16:50:51Z")
**zut** - My prayers for you and your family. Both my mother and one of my sisters had sets of twins prematurely that died, and both went on to have more children. Although the birth of one never replaces the loss of another, I pray that you and your wife will one day experience the joy of a family. StG ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/29 "2003-03-26T16:55:31Z")
**zut** , You are a courageous, thoughtful, kindly man for the dignity and fortitute with which you handled this extremely disheartening event in your life. The support you have shown your wife in this is extremely admirable, and I also salute your other family members for their emotional assistance and wisdom in caring for you and your wife. I’m touched that you chose to share your pain with us here, and hope you find some solace in our empathy. The SDMB is in no short supply of caring people who would share your grief, myself among them. I truly wish you and your wife the best. ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/30 "2003-03-26T16:59:49Z")
☹ so sorry ---
**Author:** ![Tal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/54ee81/32.png) [@Tal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tal)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/31 "2003-03-26T17:01:17Z")
Where’s the navigator of your destiny Where’s the dealer of this hand Who can explain Life and its brevity ‘Cause there is nothing here That I can understand You and I Have barely met And I just don’t want to let go of you yet And so I hold your tiny hands in mine For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face Heaven calls for you Before it calls for me When you get there save me a place A place where I can share your smile And I can hold you for more than just awhile I’ll see you on the other side sweet children of mine I’ll see you on the other side (from a song by Michael W Smith called "Hello, Goodbye) ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/32 "2003-03-26T17:03:15Z")
I am so very sorry for you and your wife. My heart, my thoughts, my prayers go out to you. How very tragic. ---
**Author:** ![hedra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/779978/32.png) [@hedra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hedra)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/33 "2003-03-26T17:08:06Z")
Damn. I can tell you that I utterly understand the ‘I’m sorry’ - the second time I miscarried, I spent hours of what technically amounted to labor saying over and over, _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry_, as I wept and leaned over the kitchen counter with each contraction. Not knowing why I needed to say it, only that I must, for the child that was not to be. Early or late, that response is human, and anyone else who has been there will know what you mean. Online loss support groups abound - take advantage of them, if you cannot find one in person. It really helps. Take gentle care, and may you find peace eventually. It will take time, let it take as long as it needs. It doesn’t stop being a loss, though - it just becomes part of the shape of your lives as they finally begin to move forward again. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/34 "2003-03-26T17:08:58Z")
My tears for you and your family. I wish I knew some magic words to take away the pain, but I don’t, and I don’t want to inadvertantly cause you more pain in some fumbled attempt at sympathy. You and your wife and your lovely children are in my thought. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/35 "2003-03-26T17:11:38Z")
I’m sorry too. ☹ I gather the emphasis on looking at them was because it used to be that stillborn babies were taken away immediately, thinking it would be too upsetting to the parents. So many parents later fretted about never really even seeing those children and just wondering what they would look like, that this thinking began to change. Nothing else I can think of to say sounds right either, except that I hope the wounds you and your wife have suffered will heal enough, with time, to let you carry on. ---
**Author:** ![\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7cd45c/32.png) [@\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Deep_F_ied)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/36 "2003-03-26T17:12:35Z")
I … I … I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My g/f and I have been considering IVF… I am speechless and … well speechless. Thank you for sharing, it must have been soo difficult. I am deeply moved by your words and my heart bleeds for your loss. Warmest wishes to you and your wife, my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/37 "2003-03-26T17:24:47Z")
This’ll teach me to open a thread at work that says “sad” in the title. I’m with **Bosda** ; I can’t even remember the last time a post made me get teary like this. My heart goes out to you and your wife. God bless. ---
**Author:** ![DasUnterMensch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DasUnterMensch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DasUnterMensch)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/38 "2003-03-26T17:59:11Z")
Zut there is absolutely nothing I could say that might ease your and your beloved’s pain over this loss. Only time and distance will do that. But, I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your posting of this experience. You see, I was feeling kinda bad about something in my life. Now, I just feel ashamed. You’ve reminded me (and I pray every one else on this board) how completely minuscule my current problems are. Hang in there and stay strong for your beloved Zut. Now is when she needs you most. And thank you again. Mensch ---
**Author:** ![skittles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@skittles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skittles)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/39 "2003-03-26T18:12:03Z")
Words can do no justice for what I’m feeling. May you know they are together, and if you believe in it, that they are in a better place. Godspeed. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/40 "2003-03-26T18:20:10Z")
Words cannot express. I am keeping you and your wife in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294.md?page=3)