# I gazed upon my dead children (very long and very sad, I'm afraid) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 26, 2003, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294 "2003-03-26T15:18:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/81 "2003-03-27T01:31:04Z")
I’m heartsick for you both… I don’t know what to say, except that you have my sincerest condolences, and that if for some reason you ever want to e-mail me, the address is in my profile. ---
**Author:** ![dajah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@dajah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dajah)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/82 "2003-03-27T01:33:44Z")
i can’t imagine what you are going through. what an incredible loss… ☹ you will both be in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![iconoplast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3d9bf3/32.png) [@iconoplast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iconoplast)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/83 "2003-03-27T02:29:10Z")
I am so very sorry. Words are inadequate. This is the only thread that has ever made me cry. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/84 "2003-03-27T03:03:38Z")
I’m so terribly sorry, **zut**. So tragic. So sad. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/85 "2003-03-27T03:35:05Z")
I’m terribly sorry to hear your sad news. I had a similar situation, barely scraped by, and was fortunate to recieve a child from it. I am an antepartum nurse and want to let you know that if you do try again, Mrs Zut most certainly has an incompetent cervix that will require a stich (cerclage) in future pregnancies. The primary symptom is the painless dialtion of the cervix accompanied by second trimester loss of pregnancy. Best wishes to you and yours. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/86 "2003-03-27T03:45:02Z")
No words of meaningful comfort come to mind, but I can’t say nothing. My thoughts are with you and yours, **zut**. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/87 "2003-03-27T04:19:14Z")
**zut** , I have absolutely no idea what to say. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/88 "2003-03-27T04:40:48Z")
**zut** , I’m so sorry that you and your wife have had to experience such terrible loss. Good wishes and good luck for the future. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/89 "2003-03-27T05:21:35Z")
**Zut** and **Mrs Zut** ,I’m so sorry. Bless the caring hospital staff. Believe me, when you think about this sad time, their kindness and thoughtfullness will mean a lot. When Mr zoogirl and I lost our son (at six months old from damage caused during his delivery) they did the same thing. He was kept warm until we got a chance to say get to the hospital to say goodbye. Although he was in a coma from birth, it was unexpected when it came, very early in the morning. It’s gonna sound weird, but from what I’ve read and what I know, (three miscarriages too) here are some things you might consider. Name the children. Even if it’s only something you two know about, give them a first name. They were persons and you loved them. When you think of them or refer to them it will be easier to say their name than just ‘the baby’. Have a service. Again, even if it’s just something the two of you do, go to a quiet place or the hospital chapel and say a prayer or two, maybe just say good bye. There is a good website to check out. I don’t dare try to link because I keep falling off the net, but it’s at [angelfire.com](http://angelfire.com) and the website is Coming Thru The Fire. The site master is a very special person. Her name is Rosemary. The site is primarily for people who have lost children, although there are other sections. I’t s sort of a rememberance site where people can post poems, little remembrances, or just read and know they’re not alone. Know how much we all care. When something like this happens, it’s amazing, humbling and wonderfull how Doper’s come together. Know that right now all our thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m going to use my sig. It’s usually meant in a smart-aleck way, but not today. Today, after reading this, it’s just about how I feel. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/90 "2003-03-27T05:21:35Z")
**Zut** and **Mrs Zut** ,I’m so sorry. Bless the caring hospital staff. Believe me, when you think about this sad time, their kindness and thoughtfullness will mean a lot. When Mr zoogirl and I lost our son (at six months old from damage caused during his delivery) they did the same thing. He was kept warm until we got a chance to say get to the hospital to say goodbye. Although he was in a coma from birth, it was unexpected when it came, very early in the morning. It’s gonna sound weird, but from what I’ve read and what I know, (three miscarriages too) here are some things you might consider. Name the children. Even if it’s only something you two know about, give them a first name. They were persons and you loved them. When you think of them or refer to them it will be easier to say their name than just ‘the baby’. Have a service. Again, even if it’s just something the two of you do, go to a quiet place or the hospital chapel and say a prayer or two, maybe just say good bye. There is a good website to check out. I don’t dare try to link because I keep falling off the net, but it’s at [angelfire.com](http://angelfire.com) and the website is Coming Thru The Fire. The site master is a very special person. Her name is Rosemary. The site is primarily for people who have lost children, although there are other sections. I’t s sort of a rememberance site where people can post poems, little remembrances, or just read and know they’re not alone. Know how much we all care. When something like this happens, it’s amazing, humbling and wonderfull how Doper’s come together. Know that right now all our thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m going to use my sig. It’s usually meant in a smart-aleck way, but not today. Today, after reading this, it’s just about how I feel. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/91 "2003-03-27T05:34:15Z")
Oh, rats! Sorry about the double post. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/92 "2003-03-27T06:02:35Z")
After I read the OP, I had to sign off for a bit and regroup. You never know what to say to someone who’s endured a horrible loss, but like so many others here, it is necessary, I find, to say something. Please be good to yourselves. I am so terribly sorry to hear of your loss, and I pray for your ability to once again find joy in your lives. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/93 "2003-03-27T06:12:57Z")
I’m so sorry :(. It doesn’t get worse than this but with time it does get easier. Name the babes. It does help. A quiet service can help. My email’s in my profile if I can help, I’ve lost several babies. ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/94 "2003-03-27T06:14:23Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss. You have my deepest condolences. {{{zut & Mrs. zut}}} ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/95 "2003-03-27T06:24:46Z")
My condolences to both of you. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/96 "2003-03-27T07:12:16Z")
☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ---
**Author:** ![hyperjes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@hyperjes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hyperjes)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/97 "2003-03-27T07:52:36Z")
☹ Oh, **zut** … {{{{hugs}}}} Ouch. I’m so sorry. Hug your wife for me. ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/98 "2003-03-27T07:58:37Z")
damn ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/99 "2003-03-27T08:04:53Z")
Wow, that is so sad. My heart so goes out to you and the Mrs. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Great\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_One)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294/100 "2003-03-27T08:15:57Z")
I am so sorry, Zut. I can’t even begin to comprehend… Name your children. My aunt miscarried her child at 7 months and never named him, though I know she always thinks about him with the name she and her husband had already chosen. As lame is it may sound, it helps give a sense of closure. I am so so so so sorry. I don’t know what else to say, but I’m praying for you and your wife, as well as for your children. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-gazed-upon-my-dead-children-very-long-and-very-sad-im-afraid/164294.md?page=6)