# I got called a faggot today! Advice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 27, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392 "2006-06-27T20:40:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/21 "2006-06-27T22:52:08Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Laugh at her. Seriously. Act like you think her craziness is the funniest, most pathetic thing you’ve ever seen. Roll your eyes. It’d be even better if you could get a buddy to stand there with you, laughing and pointing. She _wants_ to upset you. Don’t let her see that she’s succeeded. > > Either that, or look pointedly in another direction, pretending as if she’s invisible, or beneath your notice. Rule number 1 in the Crazy Person Defense Manual is DON’T PISS THEM OFF. Remember, they’re CRAZY. I would have someone else capture the kodak moment at a safe distance. A video camera would tell the story better if it looks like a dangerous situation (which it does to me). ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/22 "2006-06-27T23:06:37Z")
I think it makes sense to call the police. Not as in “I want to press charges because someone was calling me names,” but as in “This disturbing thing has happened to me twice in two days. What are my options?” ---
**Author:** ![shelbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@shelbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shelbo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/23 "2006-06-27T23:18:54Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Rule number 1 in the Crazy Person Defense Manual is DON’T PISS THEM OFF. Remember, they’re CRAZY. I would have someone else capture the kodak moment at a safe distance. A video camera would tell the story better if it looks like a dangerous situation (which it does to me). So maybe my “whip out your unit and wag it at her” advice would have been misplaced. Damn it, I’ve been waiting to give that piece of advice to someone for a long time, too. Oh well, tomorrow is another day! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fish\_Cheer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fish_cheer/32/17179_2.png) [@Fish\_Cheer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish_Cheer)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/24 "2006-06-27T23:37:58Z")
I really can’t contribute anything worthwhile to the topic at hand, but I simply have to say that **rostfrei** is one great user name! ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/25 "2006-06-27T23:38:30Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > I mean, are you easily identified, visually, based on grooming and fashion choices, as someone who is gay? Seriously? What does this even mean? Grooming choices like shaving the word GAY into your hair? Wearing a shirt that says “Sorry girls, but I love cock”? What the hell? ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/26 "2006-06-27T23:45:32Z")
My thoughts exactly! Regardless of whether someone is going around looking for gay people to harrass or just a completely crazy person that’s latched onto you for whatever inexplicable reason, it’s still something that needs to be reported to the police. Hope you get this dealt with soon, not a nice situation to be in. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/27 "2006-06-27T23:46:41Z")
> [@Amaranta](#): > > Seriously? What does this even mean? Grooming choices like shaving the word GAY into your hair? Wearing a shirt that says “Sorry girls, but I love cock”? > > What the hell? Do you dispute that certain people do have a gay look and gay affectations? I mean, it’s not that difficult to figure out. I don’t think she meant it as an insult. I agree with all of those who have said to consult the police. I wouldn’t take any chances with a crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/28 "2006-06-27T23:51:40Z")
Ehh, there’s a look one can assemble. Tough to put into words, but the whole package can send a pretty clear message that “I’m out and I’m gay” without being absurdly blatant about it. Anyway, **rostfrei** , this chick is nuts. Bonkers. Batshit. I agree with the above that it may not be a good idea to provoke her unless you don’t mind having to bash her head in if she gets violent. Is there another bus stop you can try for a while? I know you shouldn’t have to do something like that, but the bitch is crazy. There’s no shame in simply avoiding a crazy person and hoping they get bored and move on. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/29 "2006-06-27T23:53:59Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > There’s no shame in simply avoiding a crazy person and hoping they get bored and move on. But if you don’t do anything about it, they are potentially going to move on to someone else. Wouldn’t it be better to report it to the police? ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/30 "2006-06-27T23:58:43Z")
I don’t have a lot of confidence in the police, to be honest, especially in an urban setting. Maybe S.F. cops are better than others. In that case, give it a try. I just wouldn’t be surprised if, barring some flagrantly obvious threats made by Crazy Bitchwoman, they blow it off completely. ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/31 "2006-06-28T00:00:50Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Do you dispute that certain people do have a gay look and gay affectations? I mean, it’s not that difficult to figure out. I don’t think she meant it as an insult. > > I agree with all of those who have said to consult the police. I wouldn’t take any chances with a crazy. I think you are [completely](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000009POI.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg)[wrong](http://events.clowningaround.com/images/Lookalike%20Photos/liberace.jpg) [here](http://www.ggbaloo.net/Gay%20Pride%2003/Gay_Pride%2003_078.JPG) . ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/32 "2006-06-28T00:20:32Z")
In San Francisco, report this to Community United Against Violence ( [www.cuav.org](http://www.cuav.org) or 415-333-4357) They’re a non-profit that works specifically with the queer community wrt hate crimes _precisely_ like this one. Chances are you aren’t the only person being harrassed by this woman, and CUAV can help with filing a police report (important if only to track anti-queer harrassment) as well as give you some strategies to deal with this insane person. Folks, there is no “gay look.” If you’re a well-groomed (not even “metrosexual”) man in San Francisco, you can be a target. If you’re a slob in the Castro, you can be a target. I spent a chunk of time as a CUAV weekend hotline worker, and it was nightmare inducing. My least favorite story involves the underaged homeless kid who was repeatedly raped, shaken down and harrassed by a local cop. There was absolultely NOTHING he could do-- never any witnesses, and the one time he reported it he was the one thrown in jail. There’s also the story of the two straight women holding hands in Golden Gate Park who got assaulted with a baseball bat wielding asshole, and a group of mixed straight/gay friends in the Castro who were egged repeatedly by a passing car. Does it matter if you’re queer? Fuck no. It just matters if you’re _perceived_ as queer. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/33 "2006-06-28T00:36:52Z")
> [@shelbo](#): > > So maybe my “whip out your unit and wag it at her” advice would have been misplaced. Damn it, I’ve been waiting to give that piece of advice to someone for a long time, too. Oh well, tomorrow is another day! > 🙂 Yah, you don’t want to lose your unit of measure to a loon with a gun. Basic word of advice. If you go looking for crazy people you will eventually find one. ---
**Author:** ![Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buckler_of_Swashing)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/34 "2006-06-28T01:07:44Z")
First things first - **please contact the police about this.** Aside from that - It’s my feeling that if she does this from a car and speeds off pretty quick, she’s a coward and she’ll sooner speed off if confronted than get extra-crazylady-pissed-off and escalate. Laughing at people in a situation like this can sometimes help, but is not always the best idea. What do _you_ think she’ll do if blatantly made fun of? **If** you don’t think it will cause her to retaliate in any physical way, I’d suggest a mixture of other people’s advice: Get a friend, point and laugh. Take several/many pictures ("say ‘queer!’ ") and/or video (a few videos of the abuse might also serve you well if you go to the police). Clap politely when she’s finishing. However, if you don’t want to do that: (but DO take pictures or video from a distance if you can, please) Wear an mp3 player/discman/whatever with visible headphones. When she drives up, tap your foot to the beat and close your eyes, absorbed in the music. Perhaps if she feels she’s not getting enough attention, she’ll move on. How far away is the next bus stop on the line? Don’t bother if it’s too far to walk, she shouldn’t be able to make you go out of your way like that - but if it isn’t an enormous distance, would you want to walk down to the next stop to avoid her, it might possibly be off her usual route enough that she might not find you. (I realise this is a long shot and avoiding the real problem - she’s a crazy bitch. I only suggest it because the bus stops in my area are fairly close together and if it was me - and I chose not to go to the police - It would be worth my while. YMMV.) Is there anyone else at the bus stop with you, ever? That advice aside, it’s all there only if you don’t want to pursue this with the police or one of the Hate Crime authorities suggested here. To me - this sounds serious. As others have said - if she knows you are gay, knows where you wait for the bus etc - she probably knows your name and where you live/work or can easily find out. she’s also probably doing this to others. Contact the police with her plate number and the best physical description of her that you can come up with. It’s worth doing that now. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/35 "2006-06-28T01:11:22Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > Serious question: Why is she singling you out? The only thing I can possibly think of is that she recognized (or possibly even misidentified) **rostfrei** as someone who was romantically/sexually involved with her… husband? son? brother? something like that. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/36 "2006-06-28T01:34:58Z")
> [@Amaranta](#): > > Seriously? What does this even mean? Grooming choices like shaving the word GAY into your hair? Wearing a shirt that says “Sorry girls, but I love cock”? Hey, that’s a [legitimate fashion choice](http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=134&style=p&color=2%3A+CHOOSE+COLOR&size=3%3A+CHOOSE+A+SIZE). ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/37 "2006-06-28T01:57:40Z")
> [@mojave66](#): > > Folks, there is no “gay look.” Good grief. Your useful advise aside, there absolutely is a gay look and it’s cultivated in the gay community. I Googled up “trendy gay haircuts” from [Gay.com](http://Gay.com) with the search words “gay look”. Sorry for hijacking the thread. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/38 "2006-06-28T02:01:17Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > But if you don’t do anything about it, they are potentially going to move on to someone else. Wouldn’t it be better to report it to the police? Yes but you need to show them a video or it’s just another report for them to fill out. Going through a watchdog group like mojave66 suggested would be the way to go. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/39 "2006-06-28T02:20:30Z")
True. I guess the point I was wanting to make was that he should make some effort to do something to get this person dealt with, rather than try to avoid them (and have them move on to some other victim). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392/40 "2006-06-28T02:49:04Z")
What is the “gay look”? I’m not being snarky, I’m genuinely interested. And I don’t mean over-the-top pride-paradesque stuff-- I mean everyday wear. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-called-a-faggot-today-advice/362392.md?page=3)