# I got "felt up" on my way to work this morning... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212 "2011-08-26T20:14:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/21 "2011-08-27T03:41:38Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > If you commute on the train or bus, it probably happened more than you know. That’s where most of my illegal use of hands stuff happened. Guy sits right next to you on an almost empty train car and leans over just a little bit? Maybe puts his arm along the back of your seat? > > Guy sits next to you in nearly empty movie house. You notice the coat in his lap is moving funny. That sort of thing. > > Maybe you’re just not very observant of your surroundings. Or you just refuse to believe that women still have to put up with this sort of stuff. :dubious: Are you saying that this stuff has happened to me and I just didn’t know what was going on? Because I ride on the subway pretty often and I’ve never noticed that. I’m not saying these things never happen – I just think it would be bizarre to have it be a yearly occurrence. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/22 "2011-08-27T03:49:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Are you saying that this stuff has happened to me and I just didn’t know what was going on? Because I ride on the subway pretty often and I’ve never noticed that. I’m not saying these things never happen – I just think it would be bizarre to have it be a yearly occurrence. **Slit** , you just don’t get it. You’re a woman. You’re probably raped on the way to work every morning. You just don’t notice. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/23 "2011-08-27T03:52:11Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Are you saying that this stuff has happened to me and I just didn’t know what was going on? Because I ride on the subway pretty often and I’ve never noticed that. I’m not saying these things never happen – I just think it would be bizarre to have it be a yearly occurrence. I don’t know. Perhaps you aren’t attractive to the average groper? Are you insinuating that I’m lying about what I’ve experienced? Because that’s what it’s beginning to sound like. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/24 "2011-08-27T04:08:01Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > I don’t know. Perhaps you aren’t attractive to the average groper? Even though I wear the new Secret deodorant that’s strong enough for a man but made for a rapist? > [@](#): > > Are you insinuating that I’m lying about what I’ve experienced? Because that’s what it’s beginning to sound like. No, I’m just saying it sounds like maybe you live in a highly dangerous area or something because I’ve never experienced this or seen this where I live. I mean, maybe women are being groped and I just don’t notice it but I find that unlikely. I don’t think you’re lying, just that your experience doesn’t sound typical. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/25 "2011-08-27T04:20:37Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > No, I’m just saying it sounds like maybe you live in a highly dangerous area or something because I’ve never experienced this or seen this where I live. I mean, maybe women are being groped and I just don’t notice it but I find that unlikely. I don’t think you’re lying, just that your experience doesn’t sound typical. I think my experience was typical, for the time. Like I said, this went on about twenty to thirty years ago. And believe it or not, women didn’t freak out so much about it then. If somebody groped you, you moved away from that person. If somebody flashed you, you looked away and kept walking. I never reported it. I never thought it a big deal enough to be reported. If this sort of thing is happening with less frequency now, I applaud our feminist progress. I just figured it wasn’t happening to me anymore because I got older and fatter though. Dangerous area? Not especially. Bungalow belt Chicago. I live in more dangerous Rogers Park now. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/26 "2011-08-27T04:58:51Z")
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. I have a couple female friends who have been fairly frequently groped and/or assaulted, so yes it is a big problem for some people. I’ve only been groped once. Many women I know well enough to have discussed the topic have never been groped at all. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/27 "2011-08-27T06:32:58Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > I think my experience was typical, for the time. Like I said, this went on about twenty to thirty years ago. Note that people are confused by Alice say that it happens to women all the time. Not that it did happen a long time ago, but that it still does and that doesn’t jive with our experience in more recent times. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/28 "2011-08-27T11:16:30Z")
I don’t think guys getting groped is that big a deal. Hell most would welcome it if they thought the person was hot. ---
**Author:** ![Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f6c823/32.png) [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lo-Slung_Denim)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/29 "2011-08-27T11:26:19Z")
I think it is a big deal. Sorry it happened to you, **rostfrei**. It’s not OK for people to touch you without permission. Your feelings are understandable; part of that is shock. Also I’ve been groped quite a lot(female, 29). Most recently on the bus. I can handle it better now than when I was younger - used to go home and cry. Now I stand up for myself. The feeling of being shocked by it is always the same, for that I am glad as if it doesn’t shock me then I may be on the way to accepting that it happens. But again, it’s not acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![uuaschbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/76d3ee/32.png) [@uuaschbaer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uuaschbaer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/30 "2011-08-27T11:28:22Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I don’t think guys getting groped is that big a deal. Hell most would welcome it if they thought the person was hot. Because the average woman isn’t physically as strong as the average male rapist I’m tending to agree with being groped not being such a big deal for guys but the suggestion that they’d welcome it, even for flippancy, might be found to be a bit misplaced if you’ve had it happen to you. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/31 "2011-08-27T11:37:42Z")
> [@uuaschbaer](#): > > Because the average woman isn’t physically as strong as the average male rapist I’m tending to agree with being groped not being such a big deal for guys but the suggestion that they’d welcome it, even for flippancy, might be found to be a bit misplaced if you’ve had it happen to you. Ive been groped by gay dudes and it can be annoying, but it’s just not that big a deal. I’ve learned that a grope from a gay dude is like a wave hello. There is no malice intended. It’s a compliment basically. ---
**Author:** ![uuaschbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/76d3ee/32.png) [@uuaschbaer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uuaschbaer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/32 "2011-08-27T11:52:53Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Ive been groped by gay dudes and it can be annoying, but it’s just not that big a deal. I’ve learned that a grope from a gay dude is like a wave hello. There is no malice intended. It’s a compliment basically. Ah well I usually keep to Hi and You look nice but as a local custom it sounds quite friendly. Maybe it’s different when the ageing priest does it. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/33 "2011-08-27T13:47:42Z")
I don’t get all the pity posts for the OP. This sounds like a garden variety come-on. Kind of exciting, almost could have been a Penthouse Forum letter. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/34 "2011-08-27T14:31:15Z")
i’m a straight dude and i don’t like it when i get grabbed down south - over the pants. it’s not a shape that’s very receptive to open grabs. even a glancing caress doesn’t do much. it’s got to be enveloped. as for getting handsy with women? when boozed up and on the dancefloor sure. i put my paws on hips, butts, and even a breast or two. in public? in daylight? i don’t see the brazen attacks on women on public transportation and i’m hypervigilent and ride the bus/metro every single day. i’ve seen people stare. i’ve seen people stand uncomfortably close. i’ve seen women hold onto a pole or strap for balance and the guy puts his hands near, or around her hand. i’ve seen sniffing. but outright jabs to the bosom, buttocks, or vag? never. well… once, and that was debatable - and the lady freaked out and made a huge scene. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/35 "2011-08-27T14:50:05Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Not that it did happen a long time ago, but that it still does and that doesn’t **jive** with our experience in more recent times. (emphasis mine) [pedantic nitpick] PLEASE let’s not allow this misuse of “jive” for “jibe” get out of hand. It’s already ghastly enough that we’re subjected to the whole “loose” / “lose” thing; let’s try to nip the “jive” / “jibe” problem in the bud. OK? [/pedantic nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/36 "2011-08-27T14:57:27Z")
> [@uuaschbaer](#): > > Because the average woman isn’t physically as strong as the average male rapist I’m tending to agree with being groped not being such a big deal for guys but the suggestion that they’d welcome it, even for flippancy, might be found to be a bit misplaced if you’ve had it happen to you. Ummm… wait a second. Didn’t you just basically call a groper and a rapist the same thing? That’s really quite wrong, you know. They’re not the same thing at all. Andrea Dworkin might say they are, but she’s a total nutburger. Try to be a bit more careful in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/37 "2011-08-27T15:08:19Z")
We loose something from our language every time our words don’t jive with their historical meanings. Let’s nip this problem in the butt before it becomes a mute point. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/38 "2011-08-27T15:20:18Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Guy sits next to you in nearly empty movie house. You notice the coat in his lap is moving funny. That sort of thing. “But this one’s eating my popcorn!” ---
**Author:** ![uuaschbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/76d3ee/32.png) [@uuaschbaer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uuaschbaer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/39 "2011-08-27T15:42:49Z")
> [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](#): > > Ummm… wait a second. Didn’t you just basically call a groper and a rapist the same thing? That’s really quite wrong, you know. They’re not the same thing at all. > > Andrea Dworkin might say they are, but she’s a total nutburger. Try to be a bit more careful in the future. Thanks for your generous advice but I see that I’ve been hopelessly unsuccessful in conveying my point. I think a man sexually harassing a woman is an alarming sight because that man has proved himself oblivious or indifferent to boundaries and should therefore be suspected of being capable of taking this imposed method of gratification further in which case the woman might be less able to defend herself than a man. It is only after raping that I’d like to see the guy locked away with a rapist’s sentence. For the same reason I consider the milder forms of sexual harassment when committed by women of negligible significance. Unless done to children. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-felt-up-on-my-way-to-work-this-morning/594212/40 "2011-08-27T16:14:48Z")
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