# I Got My Very First Chick Tract! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2004, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906 "2004-04-30T22:58:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nvme77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Nvme77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nvme77)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/21 "2004-05-01T22:04:54Z")
People actually hand these out? Maybe I’ve never seen them because Las Vegas is a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/22 "2004-05-01T22:48:17Z")
> [@Cajun Man](#): > > [This](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0084/0084_01.asp), of course, was my first Chick Tract. I love the way the Sodomite calls to Lot “Bring out your guests that we might know them (sexually).” When reading that aloud at my next Chick Pamphlet Players Party, how exactly do you indicate parentheses when you’re reading a line? Did you notice that he not only uses Paul Cameron’s AIDS study (the one that states that the average life expectancy of gays is 42\*) but reduced the age to 39? Who else thinks that one day we’ll find out that Jack Chick is really a pseudonym for Jim J. Bullock who’s been selling these and laughing his ass off since he was a teenager? \*Cameron arrived at this figure by averaging the ages of people from obituaries taken from a gay southern newspaper; almost all of the people eulogized in the periodical were AIDS activists, which slightly skewers the statistics (i.e. the Quentin Crisps of the world passing away from natural causes at 90 in Ft. La-de-da condos didn’t figure at all). The study was so biased that even William “_the Bookie of Virtues_” Bennett condemned it (after citing it on a talk show). ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/23 "2004-05-01T23:00:29Z")
> [@Cajun Man](#): > > [This](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0084/0084_01.asp), of course, was my first Chick Tract. Oh, yes, offering up your virgin daughters to the lusting mob outside your door is a SURE sign of your virtue and godliness. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: X 100 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/24 "2004-05-01T23:07:38Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > I love the way the Sodomite calls to Lot “Bring out your guests that we might know them (sexually).” When reading that aloud at my next Chick Pamphlet Players Party, how exactly do you indicate parentheses when you’re reading a line? You have to say the main part with as enthustiastic expression as possible, pause half a beat, then murmur the parenthesised portion in a lower monotone). ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/25 "2004-05-02T00:40:33Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > You have to say the main part with as enthustiastic expression as possible, pause half a beat, then murmur the parenthesised portion in a lower monotone). . . . while winking broadly and laying your finger aside your nose. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/26 "2004-05-02T03:10:51Z")
:dubious: Is this guy serious or not?! Religious extremism, yach. ---
**Author:** ![paperbackwriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/27 "2004-05-02T03:20:42Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > . . . while winking broadly and laying your finger aside your nose. …which will cause you to be lofted out the chimney into your waiting sleigh… ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/28 "2004-05-02T04:40:34Z")
> [@Mr. Kobayashi](#): > > Is this guy serious or not?! He THINKS he is. Search the board for “Jack Chick” and “tract” for more fun than you can shake a Bible at… ---
**Author:** ![Satyricon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f05b48/32.png) [@Satyricon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satyricon)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/29 "2004-05-02T05:30:55Z")
Chick creeps me the hell out. I’d opt to follow the much easier, more sensible commandments of the Church of Leary (Dennis Leary, that is) 1. Don’t steal. 2. Don’t kill anyone. -and- 1. Don’t screw any little kids. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/30 "2004-05-02T06:22:56Z")
> [@Satyricon](#): > > Chick creeps me the hell out. > > I’d opt to follow the much easier, more sensible commandments of the Church of Leary (Dennis Leary, that is) As opposed to the Church of Tim Leary, which, quite frankly, my consciousness is way too _expanded_ to think about. Just kidding. I’m sober right now. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/31 "2004-05-02T07:43:21Z")
> [@](#): > > This, of course, was my first Chick Tract. I’ve only seen these things through SDMB, but something from this one jumped out at me… “Average life expectancy for the male homosexual before AIDS was only 42 years because of venereal disease and violence.” Jack, do you mean violence like the kind fundamentalists and bigots like yourself might carry out against homosexuals? That seems like something you might not want to draw attention to… ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/32 "2004-05-02T10:48:22Z")
_ **Please** _ don’t do this great wickedness! Heh. ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/33 "2004-05-02T12:04:45Z")
I read the Doom Town tract. The Chickster should try READING the Bible before he thumps it: > [@Ezekiel 16: 49-52](#): > > Behold, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: pride, fullness of bread, and prosperous ease was in her and in her daughters; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. They were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good. Neither has Samaria committed half of your sins; but you have multiplied your abominations more than they, and have justified your sisters by all your abominations which you have done. You also, bear you your own shame, in that you have given judgment for your sisters; through your sins that you have committed more abominable than they, they are more righteous that you: yes, be also confounded, and bear your shame, in that you have justified your sisters. Kinda makes me wonder who the REAL Sodomites are, uh? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/34 "2004-05-02T12:18:22Z")
> [@](#): > > The Chickster should try READING the Bible before he thumps it: You do see the problem with this idea, right? ---
**Author:** ![ageless6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@ageless6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ageless6)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/35 "2004-05-02T14:09:09Z")
Eve said: I am so becoming **alsebian** right now. Please,Eve, don’t become Alsebian! There is so much political strife in Alsebia that all Americans are advised to leave the country immediately. Why,just 3 days ago an American woman was kidnapped and brainwashed by four Alsebians. She must have been brainwashed because when they dropped her off after 2 days,she was heard to say,“Okay,I got your address and phone Number. I’ll give you a ring as soon as I sleep and heal.Hee,hee,hee.” That way madness lies,Eve. Alsebia sounds really perverted. Much like this story… ---
**Author:** ![ageless6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@ageless6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ageless6)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/36 "2004-05-02T14:26:25Z")
Oh,I became so fearful of Eve becoming Alsebian that I forgot to say that I can’t get the Chick tracts,and I’m pissed about it. It might take 10 or 15 minutes for my webtv to make it to a site,and if I ever do get it,I can’t read the tiny print. Every time one of these threads appear,I just want to go to bed and masturbate my misery away,and since I’ve been up all night,I think that’s what I’ll do. I feel somewhat better already. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/37 "2004-05-02T17:05:33Z")
Damn, I already started taking lessons in speaking Alsebianian. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/38 "2004-05-02T17:39:02Z")
OK, everybody form a circle around \*_Eve_. Somebody give me a non-fiction book, one of the Straight Dope books is preferred. What? All we’ve got is last month’s issue of \*Omni{/i]? Lay it on me. **Lynn** and **Mangetout** , hold it over \*\*Eve’s \*\* head for me. OK, now… Eve, do you renounce Jack Chick and all his works? Do you renounce hatred against Catholics, Muslims, Jews, Pagans, practitioners of alternative lifestyles and Christians who aren’t Fundamentalist enough? Do you renounce all badly-drawn comic-type books? Do you promise that when handed a Chick Tract you will do your best to refute all the lies contained therein? Do you promise that you will then laugh hysterically while the Giver of the Chick Tract is within earshot, and deposit in the nearest trash can, its natural home, or else give it to a person, Strong in Reason, who collects them for their comedic value? In the name of all that is true, or at least factually accurate, I command Jack Chick and all his minions to depart from this Child of Reasonable Intelligence and remove himself to the more unpleasant regions of the universe. And all the people said Amen ---
**Author:** ![International\_Playboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/48db29/32.png) [@International\_Playboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/International_Playboy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/39 "2004-05-02T18:01:14Z")
My first experience with these booklets was my freshman year in high school, around 1972. In english class, we had to team up in twos and have debates. Our topic was evolution, we were against it, and my partner provided all the research - one of these comics. The class would vote on who made the most convincing argument and guess who won. Not us. There is one church here that likes to pass these things out, “The Door.” It is a “Foursquare Gospel Church,” based on the teachings of [Aimee Semple McPherson](http://www.infoplease.com/ce6/people/A0831033.html). [Here’s](http://www.libidomag.com/nakedbrunch/archive/sexbioaimee.html) another link about her which may not be work safe. The Door is looked upon by many here as “cultish.” A majority of its members were Marines and ex-drug addicts. They like the heavy discipline the church demands. They boast of speaking in tongues and faith healing. They’re one of these churches that has a “haunted house” at halloween, only to feature things like aborted fetuses. I have worked with a few of their members and remember one upset after seeing a news program on the church. It claimed the members are brainwashed. The guy from the church who I directly worked with asked him if he felt brainwashed. The first guy thought for a second then said, “I’d rather be brainwashed than a pervert.” Several times my cow-orker tried to put the pervert guilt trip on me at work. Didn’t work because I know I’m one. 😃 As a heathen, I guess I’m going to their Hell. I was raised a Christian but feel more of an attraction to the Hindu Dieties, mainly Siva and Lakshmi. I find these tracts creepy and entertaining at the same time. I’ve thrown them away after reading them, but am thinking of collecting them now. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906/40 "2004-05-02T20:24:17Z")
I first heard of Chick Comics in a book titled High Weirdness by Mail. The book had many sections dedicated to different types of crackpot groups, like UFO contactees, weird science, political paranoiacs, and so on. Chick Publications was in a section named “Groups You Love to Hate(But They Probably Hate You More).” Then I started hearing about him on the SDMB. After reading a number of them online I even participated in a “Write Your Own Chick Tract” thread. But I’ve never actually held one of them on my own two hands. Doesn’t matter I suppose, I can get all the hate I want just going to church and seeing the Fred Phelps group across the street picketing us. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-very-first-chick-tract/242906.md?page=3)