# I got my White Elephant Stuff!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2001, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118 "2001-06-25T20:21:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/61 "2001-07-05T14:39:16Z")
I’m bumping this so those of you who were in Outer Mongolia for the last week can end the suspense! ---
**Author:** ![jazzmine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jazzmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jazzmine)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/62 "2001-07-05T18:12:19Z")
I received my gift today! It was a belgian waffle maker, with the book for it and everything. **Amarinth** , you must buy appliances like I do. It _seems_ like a good idea at the time, but then I never use them more than once. This gift is actually very cool. I’m gonna try it out Saturday morning. Thank you very much, **Amarinth**. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/63 "2001-07-05T18:27:38Z")
I’m pretty sure there’s some law somewhere that says a White Elephant Swap is not legal if there is not at least one waffle maker involved. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/64 "2001-07-05T19:00:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jazzmine \* > \*\*I received my gift today! It was a belgian waffle maker, with the book for it and everything. **Amarinth** , you must buy appliances like I do. It _seems_ like a good idea at the time, but then I never use them more than once. > > This gift is actually very cool. I’m gonna try it out Saturday morning. Thank you very much, **Amarinth**. \*\* I’m glad you like it! And I hope you enjoy the waffles (Apparently, we do buy appliances the same way.) -Amarinth ---
**Author:** ![RalfCoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/65 "2001-07-06T02:41:04Z")
You’re welcome, Bernse - I hope the groucho glasses work out for you! I had intended them to be used with the chess set, so that when you challenge the old men in the town square to a game, you won’t be recognized when you cheat. Your use is lots better, though! ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/66 "2001-07-06T14:58:51Z")
Hey, **Kat** , be sure to check your email for some very important info. -ts. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/67 "2001-07-07T20:59:38Z")
the words: “l mailed stuff out to philly” struck fear in my heart. i thought utoh! a box arrived today. filled with many splendid things: a bruce ritchie cd signed! a magic polar bear towel, i can’t wait to use this i love polar bears and these magic towels do come in handy. smelly soap with glitter a certs cup filled with nifty stuff: koosh balls (malenki will have fun with these) drink umbrellsa small super ball (malenki is playing with this now) sponge animals (for cleaning up malenki messes?) brown chenille socks (cool) orange feather hat (i know someone who will actually wear this) pez pencils sparkly bandaid (we use these at work) avon necklace and foot bath inventory tag (strange sticker thing) tigger watch key clip dolphin bracelet flower bracelet snake ring& flower charm,2 necklaces and a belly chain 4 books best friend picture frame inflatable frame ketshup strange game pizza cutter war game gremlin ring tail lemer parts black hair dye and paper to take inventory with! that’s quite a box you sent moi, i will find things to do with all the nifty items. i enjoyed the notes attached to the items, fantastic! malenki and i thank you. from the necklace i’m gonna guess december? ---
**Author:** ![Jeffro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@Jeffro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeffro)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/68 "2001-07-07T21:13:26Z")
I bet I’m the last person to post to this thread. I got my package today, well actually its been sitting in my landlords office for the last week (don’t ask) and a half but today’s the day I got from him. Anyway, my stuff comes from Seawitch, and she sent: 1. A set of Suzanne Sommer’s Thighmasters 2. A 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle 3. PEZ dispenser and candy!!! 4. Instructions on how to use the Thighmaster to get thighs of gold while putting together the jigsaw puzzle I gotta be honest, all I’ve done so far is eat the candy. But I swear that starting tomorrow I will start using the Thighmaster for an hour every day! What do you mean “I’ve heard that before” ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/69 "2001-07-07T21:21:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\* I’d like to thank whoever it was in New York (they only put their first initial and last name, no screen name. I have no idea who had me). I recieved a jar of apparently homemade jam or jelly or something. I say apparently because no one I know (and I have some friends who are professional bouncers and semi-professional wrestlers) can open the damn thing. \*\* Well now, who’s da fucking **NITWIT**??? I’m da fuckin’ nitwit. Sorry, **Super** - it was from ME ! HIDEOUS, AIN’T IT? Bwahahahahaha 😃 I made that Spiced Peach Jamm with my own two mitts, peachfuzz. Get a real man to open it. Hey, at least you know it’s still sterile… 😉 It’s only spiced with cinnamon. Mom used to use Allspice, but me, I don’t DO cloves. Sorry I was such a numbskull that I didn’t ID myself. Gee, how special. I’m beyond embarassed. Hint- run very hot water over the jar lid, and it’ll pop off easily. 🙂 Best, Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/70 "2001-07-07T22:34:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jeffro \* > \*\*I bet I’m the last person to post to this thread. > \*\* No, you won’t be. I still haven’t gotten mine, nor has my person gotten theirs. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![AndYrAStar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8edcca/32.png) [@AndYrAStar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndYrAStar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/71 "2001-07-07T22:53:39Z")
…where’s purplebear? didja ever get your cra… items? 🙂 I never got mine, but things I’ve mailed/recieved have been known to completely disappear, so I dunno ☹ ---
**Author:** ![fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fish_in_the_sky)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/72 "2001-07-08T01:18:14Z")
I got my stuff yesterday: **porcupine** , you rock! The Very Large Package contained: [list] [li] **a ziploc full of hotel soap, shampoo, etc.** I’m a poor college student, I’ll actually use this. Now I don’t have to buy soap for a MONTH! Woo-hoo![/li][li] **skanky incense** I, uh, won’t be using this, however. It was in the ziploc with the soap; I looked at it and thought, “Neat. Vanilla.” Then I opened up the bag and… ::sniff, sniff:: I take a stick out of the package, put it up to my nose and take a big whiff. Holy-Jesus-Batfuck is that stuff RANK!!! oh, my god… Still, the package is kinda trippy, all about the “love that emanates from my soul” and the “prayers of peace born of the freedom of the wind” and whatnot. Yeah, baby, I can dig that.[/li][li] **blank tapes** Brand new and in the package. Dude, yeah.[/li][li] **3 books** This is the order I pulled them out of the box: _Robinson Crusoe_ OK. I always like to add more “classics” to my library, regardless of whether or not I’ll ever actually read them. _How to Clean Practically Anything_ That could be… useful. Maybe. _Is Elvis Alive?_ BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-heh-heh-heh… Tee-hee-hee-hee![/li][li] **a plush flamingo** My parent’s dog digs this. She played with it for a while, and within the hour started to furiously try to gnaw out the plastic eyes. So that she wouldn’t get 'em out and choke on ‘em, I cut the eyes out and sewed the sockets shut–ya know, a sunken-headed, eyeless flamingo somehow isn’t as cute and a regular one. Go fig. Anyway, the dog tossed it around a bit more, then took to carrying it around the house by the crotch for a while–I really don’t no why–then she gnawed on the wiggly little flamingo legs as if they were bones. Now, 24 hours later, she’s thoroughly demolished it. My parent’s dog disturbs me sometimes.[/li][li] **a good long strip of twist-ties** I’m groovin’ on their paper-n-wire goodness.[/li][li] **2 magnets with metal clips** These oughta be good for… something. Sure. Something.[/li][li] **a 2001 calendar from the Nature Conservancy** Damn you. I was going to send this EXACT same thing to my white elephant recipient, but then I thought, “no, the huge stack of ASPCA greeting cards was probably bad enough, and, hey, I could maybe use an extra calendar.” And now I have TWO extra. Of the exact same kind. Swell.[/li][li] **3 stacking trays** Made of genuine plastic, with some sort of flower-like design on them. Ya know, everything else in the package I can get some kind of use or sick amusement out of–hell, even the calendar I can cut up for collages–but, man, these trays got me stumped. In the attached note, porcupine said she got them in a white elephant swap a few years ago. Okay, we need to hold another one of these swaps. Right now. Anyone want some perfectly, uh, “lovely” trays?[/li] and, last but not least… [li]**The Twist[sup]TM[/sup] Wrap Around Massager** Oh. My. God. This is exactly the kind of bizarre cultural artifact I was hoping to get out of this white elephant swap. I giggled like a pervert for an hour after I opened this. Let me explain to you exactly what this is. The Twist[sup]TM[/sup]–with exclusive Stim-U-Line[sup]TM[/sup] massaging surface–is a flexible, four foot long, uh, well, let’s be blunt and say “phallus”, covered in rubbery ribbed plastic. It is bright blue. It vibrates (in two setting, low and high.) I guess the idea is that you’re supposed to wrap this around various body parts to vibrate away tension and whatnot. Uh huh. Sure. Let me relay to you a few excerpts from the instructions:[/li] > [@](#): > > _Your massager is meant for use where massage is desirable_ Uh huh… > [@](#): > > \*To enjoy your massage, it is not necessary to remover your clothing. (…) However, for greater “feel” of action, you may prefer to apply the massager to the bare body area. - Oh, yeah… > [@](#): > > \*Take your time and enjoy your massage. Gentle, soothing movement is preferable. - Mmmm-hmmmm… > [@](#): > > \*CAUTION: Do not use massager on delicate genital tissues. - Well, damn. There goes my fun. Still, this thing is a riot. I can probably use it in some really twisted art project. If I ever get my scanner working I might have to scan in some of the mildly disturbing illustrations on the box. (Oh, by the way, my parent’s dog is afraid of The Twist[sup]TM[/sup]. But just to be sure I had to chase her around the house with it a few times.) Oh, man this post came out pretty long, but I’m just really diggin’ my white elephant stuff. **porcupine** , I want you to know that you are now officially on my list of Very Cool People for sending me this. White Elephant smiles, Lunatic13 ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/73 "2001-07-08T02:09:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lunatic13 \* > > > [@](#): > > > > CAUTION: Do not use massager on delicate genital tissues. > > Well, damn. There goes my fun. > \*\* Why do you think I got rid of it? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/74 "2001-07-08T02:44:39Z")
I knew I should have opened that White Elephant thread. And here I thought I’d learned to follow my instincts. Damn. ---
**Author:** ![fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fish_in_the_sky)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/75 "2001-07-08T05:10:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\*I knew I should have opened that White Elephant thread. And here I thought I’d learned to follow my instincts. Damn. \*\* Awww… You could have my _lovely_ plastic trays if you want. Hm? Hm? Yes? Or, I might be willing to share my Twist [sup]TM[/sup] personal massager, if you ask nicely. ::bzzzzzzzz:: (Oh, man, I’ve been up since 3 am. I’m a-gettin loopy. Time for bed) ::bzzzzzzzzz:: :😏: ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/76 "2001-07-08T06:11:00Z")
Well, I have the name of the person who sent mine, thanks to UPS. 🙂 But I won’t have my package until Monday (maybe Tuesday, depending). ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/77 "2001-07-08T06:37:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jazzmine \* > **Just wondering if anyone else got anything yet? Most especially, did anyone in _Texas_ get their package yet?** I am in Texas and haven’t received a package yet. Still anxiously anticipating! ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/78 "2001-07-08T07:16:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*Well, I have the name of the person who sent mine, thanks to UPS. 🙂 > > But I won’t have my package until Monday (maybe Tuesday, depending). \*\* It says Monday on their web tracker! ---
**Author:** ![Pammipoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/87869e/32.png) [@Pammipoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pammipoo)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/79 "2001-07-08T07:25:21Z")
I was pretty psyched today when my sister told me I had a package from Austrailia… **Cazzle** dear, I LOVE the plate 🙂 I have to find a place of honor in my new apartment… ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118/80 "2001-07-08T09:20:52Z")
Pammipoo, I feel pretty stingy, looking a the lists of what other dopers sent. I just hope it looks good on the wall of your new apartment - I’ll probably get a housewarming gift into the mail if your old mailing address is still valid (if not, drop me a line - cazzle at austarnet dot com dot au) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-my-white-elephant-stuff/70118.md?page=5)